Venting The Inability To Write

[HuskyD'hiver]

It's so fucking hard just to write anything on this site. I have a million and one things I want to put out there for the world to see, just to get my scattered mess of a mind on a page and show other what I feel like; I just can't bring myself to do it though... This is something I really just need to write quickly for the past like month or so, because I'm a super verbose person, but I just need to fucking put something important down before I forget it like I forget everything in my life.

I'm seriously considering actually CTBing sooner rather than later because I'm starting to think that I actually don't have a reason to live anymore. I finally told my Mom (who I still live with BTW, its just cheaper to love with my family while I got to university) that the only reason I have to live is because of them. I love my family and I just wish they had a child with some other consciousness than my miserable one... I am a waste of fucking existence and I seriously just don't want to be around anymore to cause pain to them. I really have started to feel that whatever hope I still had flickering for living my life has died out long ago... I don't know when, or how, or even to what extent why in that moment I'll do it; I will do it though...