Venting The holidays make everything worse

[sapphoslastpoem]

I'm drunk right now, I've been drinking this whole week, trying to deal with my family and their bullshit. Nothing about the holidays is worth it, it's just a reminder that another year has passed where everything has gotten worse, everyone in the world hates me and no one in my life could give an actual shit. Fuck this, I hope I choke on my vomit.

 

[FuneralCry]

I always hate the fact that I've managed to get to the end of another year and yet I'm still trapped here in this existence that I despise. I don't want anymore days or years and it's such a dreadful thought, the fact that I will very likely still be here next year. But it really can be such a painful existence and I get that it's so awful when life just continues to get worse as time goes on. The fact that the suffering that this life brings will just increase is certainly a reason as to why I so desperately wish to be gone.

The fact that things can potentially get worse beyond how we can even imagine is just so horrific to me and your wish to leave is understandable. Absolutely none of this, under no circumstances could ever be worth it for me. Something so useless and torturous as existing is a burden, not something to value and see as being beneficial, and it's true that other people often just make things worse for us when we already suffer enough.

 

[MideonNViscera]

Yeah, I can empathize with this. I haven't had any good holidays since I guess 2017, but I had some real bad ones before that too.

This time though, my concern is that the timeline that lead me here just happened to coincide with the holidays. It wasn't planned in any way, but my SN is set to arrive Dec 23rd, and then my best chance at getting out without discovery will be Dec 24th. That's what bothers me, the impact on everyone else's holiday.

"Hey it's Christmas, the anniversary of your son's suicide! Happy holidays!".

Fuck.

 

[sapphoslastpoem]

Yeah, I can empathize with this. I haven't had any good holidays since I guess 2017, but I had some real bad ones before that too.

This time though, my concern is that the timeline that lead me here just happened to coincide with the holidays. It wasn't planned in any way, but my SN is set to arrive Dec 23rd, and then my best chance at getting out without discovery will be Dec 24th. That's what bothers me, the impact on everyone else's holiday.

"Hey it's Christmas, the anniversary of your son's suicide! Happy holidays!".

Fuck.

I feel, I'm trying to figure out the best time to go. I don't want to permanently ruin the holidays for the last few people that seem to care about me, they'll always remember this time of year as the anniversary of me killing myself.