Venting The dumbest rhetoric someone can say is "You are loved"

[Oiled Sandwich]

"Oh, I'm loved? Alright, tell me the names of the people who love me."

*Crickets*

"Yeah, that's what I thought. Shut the fuck up."

People who don't even know your name will say this to you. This is by far the stupidest platitude I see repeated over and over again by people who probably grew up in some middle-class suburb. How the hell can you know I'm loved if you don't even know the names of the people who supposedly love me? Man, rose-tinted glasses.

 

[hurts2b]

You have a point. It's not true for everyone. And often even if it is the depressed or suicidal person in question won't actually accept or believe it. Many platitudes are useless in this way because they inspire the recipient to disprove them.

 

[Oiled Sandwich]

You have a point. It's not true for everyone. And often even if it is the depressed or suicidal person in question won't actually accept or believe it. Many platitudes are useless in this way because they inspire the recipient to disprove them.

Not only that, but what about people who suffered from SA at the hands of their own family? No one can say you're loved unless they actually know the inner workings of your social circle.

 

[Hollowman]

Dumbfucks will say anything to try and get people to stay.

 

[eggsausagerice]

fire post. i've thought about this lots of time now and the message it's implying (the poster has people that care about them while i don't, so only they're able to relate to what they're telling me) makes me MORE suicidal as a result. but the people that have someone that cares about them will always assume everyone has someone that cares about them until they become alone and realize there are people in the world that have always been like that. it's just affirming the feeling of not being understood

Not only that, but what about people who suffered from SA at the hands of their own family? No one can say you're loved unless they actually know the inner workings of your social circle.

based and truepilled. i struggled with hating my family after getting SAed by my stepbrother and trying to make me hide it through blackmail, then my mom let him get away with it because she didn't want him to go to jail. he still hasn't been properly convicted because i don't/didn't have enough evidence. to this day i still struggle to trust or understand my parents. but i'm supposed to believe they care. some days it feels so strange to know people don't feel anxious around their parents and they actually feel like they care about them. luckily i know other people with asian parents that they also fight with all the time.

 

[Sardenain]

Does "being loved" even matter? And "being loved" and being loved by people who are important to you are very different things.

 

[hegelone]

Hello from Italy: it's a phrase that can be rhetoric, but sometimes it makes sense: for example, it's the only motivation preventing me to commit suicide right now. So, I would not call it an unreasonable argument. I'm a burden to my family, my life is literally hell and it looks like it could last for a long time (I'm 33: it's over and still it's too early to endure all this all my remaining life): but shouldn't I consider myself egoist if I hang myself causing additional damage to my family? Yes, I'm a source of despair for my parents, my failure is spreading sadness to them in such a way that is hard for me to sustain their look, but can I really help them by killing me? If I knew that ending me would be a relief for them, I would do it immediately. Don't you think it too?

For contest's sake: I'm unemployed, unemployable, total and complete subject to society contempt, considered a subhuman (which I am, by the way) by all the others.

 

[Oiled Sandwich]

Hello from Italy: it's a phrase that can be rhetoric, but sometimes it makes sense: for example, it's the only motivation preventing me to commit suicide right now. So, I would not call it an unreasonable argument. I'm a burden to my family, my life is literally hell and it looks like it could last for a long time (I'm 33: it's over and still it's too early to endure all this all my remaining life): but shouldn't I consider myself egoist if I hang myself causing additional damage to my family? Yes, I'm a source of despair for my parents, my failure is spreading sadness to them in such a way that is hard for me to sustain their look, but can I really help them by killing me? If I knew that ending me would be a relief for them, I would do it immediately. Don't you think it too?

For contest's sake: I'm unemployed, unemployable, total and complete subject to society contempt, considered a subhuman (which I am, by the way) by all the others.

I'm glad it's worked for you, really am, but that just proves this platitude is a game of dice. I lived most of my life being a doormat, and trying not to step on toes. After reaching my breaking point for the last time, I couldn't care less who I hurt. I WANT to be selfish and do what will bring ME peace, even if that hurts supposed loved ones.

Does Italy have any programs that help people in your position?

fire post. i've thought about this lots of time now and the message it's implying (the poster has people that care about them while i don't, so only they're able to relate to what they're telling me) makes me MORE suicidal as a result. but the people that have someone that cares about them will always assume everyone has someone that cares about them until they become alone and realize there are people in the world that have always been like that. it's just affirming the feeling of not being understood


based and truepilled. i struggled with hating my family after getting SAed by my stepbrother and trying to make me hide it through blackmail, then my mom let him get away with it because she didn't want him to go to jail. he still hasn't been properly convicted because i don't/didn't have enough evidence. to this day i still struggle to trust or understand my parents. but i'm supposed to believe they care. some days it feels so strange to know people don't feel anxious around their parents and they actually feel like they care about them. luckily i know other people with asian parents that they also fight with all the time.

Goodness, I'm sorry you went through that. I couldn't care less about my bio family, but even I didn't go through something like that with them. A lot of my family tends to function on the mindset of "Fuck you, I got mine". I learned early on that sociopaths make it to the top of society.

 

[hegelone]

Hello, I don't even think it's totally correct to say it worked for me: I just think it's something I need to account for: love and caring others is a part of life, just as pain, just as freedom. It's a platitude, I think it's a good term, because it's simply true and very general. I live in a hopeless situation, I want to make it clear, I'm very serious about ending things, and because I'm serious I'd like to consider all the faces of the problem.

Unfortunately, I'm practically invisible to italian society (and when I'm not I'm very contemned). It's hard for me, my life is unworthy according to almost everyone, I'm also here to study methods about suicide, but even if I'm suffering I think I shouldn't forget that "almost", just that.

 

[Cauliflour]

saying i'm loved just makes me feel much worse tbh

 

[Forveleth]

My favorite is when they say that they love you. Bitch, you just met me. Name 5 things about my personality that have lead you to love me. Be specific. I will wait.

 

[ConstantPain]

I agree completely that no stranger or distant acquaintance should say that and that it just shows how privileged and naive they are. If it's someone who knows you and your family and knows that in fact you are loved them fine, it may be helpful. I'm certainly glad for anyone that it has helped but not everyone is so fortunate.

Today I got another one that triggers me. "I'm praying for you" means absolutely nothing to me. All I can think is oh wow, how lucky are you for being gullible enough to believe that nonsense. As an atheist, someone might as well promise me a million dollars and mansion to live in because if I know there is no million dollars or mansion, I know it's never going to happen. I have the same zero expectation for anything actually helping because of useless prayers.

It was especially bad this time because the person who said it used it to buffer bad news. We're cancelling your contract but I'm praying for you! Thanks a lot AHole, I hope that helps you sleep at night.

 

[wannabeangel]

saying i'm loved just makes me feel much worse tbh

THIS. and even if for me it's true, i know people love me, but that doesnt fix how i feel or my issues, if it did i wouldnt be saying i want to die. it just makes me feel guilty for feeling how i do despite having people who care. being loved doesnt fix everything, there can be and most likely a deeper-rooted issue causing suicidal thoughts. just like people can feel alone in a room full of people, people can be suicidal even if they're loved. the statement seems well meaning but it's just a source of more guilt

 

[Oiled Sandwich]

Hello, I don't even think it's totally correct to say it worked for me: I just think it's something I need to account for: love and caring others is a part of life, just as pain, just as freedom. It's a platitude, I think it's a good term, because it's simply true and very general. I live in a hopeless situation, I want to make it clear, I'm very serious about ending things, and because I'm serious I'd like to consider all the faces of the problem.

Unfortunately, I'm practically invisible to italian society (and when I'm not I'm very contemned). It's hard for me, my life is unworthy according to almost everyone, I'm also here to study methods about suicide, but even if I'm suffering I think I shouldn't forget that "almost", just that.

Sorry, I wasn't trying to make you feel worse. I read what you wrote wrong. I hope things start looking up for you. Also, from how you describe it, Italy doesn't sound too good of a place to live in.

My favorite is when they say that they love you. Bitch, you just met me. Name 5 things about my personality that have lead you to love me. Be specific. I will wait.

lol, I swear.

 

[JeyJeyOfJeypore]

"Oh, I'm loved? Alright, tell me the names of the people who love me."

*Crickets*

"Yeah, that's what I thought. Shut the fuck up."

People who don't even know your name will say this to you. This is by far the stupidest platitude I see repeated over and over again by people who probably grew up in some middle-class suburb. How the hell can you know I'm loved if you don't even know the names of the people who supposedly love me? Man, rose-tinted glasses.

Would you hate me if i said
I love you?

 

[violetforever]

yeah i know well enough that im not living the life of somebody who is loved. this type of talk just makes me want to beat myself into a state of unconsciousness.

 

[JeyJeyOfJeypore]

Not only that, but what about people who suffered from SA at the hands of their own family? No one can say you're loved unless they actually know the inner workings of your social circle.

Could be the person who said "you are loved" has a sick idea of what love is if they were aware of the SA

 

[Oiled Sandwich]

Would you hate me if i said
I love you?

No, but I would view it as cheesy and unauthentic. It would be different if you were someone close to me though.

 

[JeyJeyOfJeypore]

It would be different if you were someone close to me though.

Im flattered

 

[Oiled Sandwich]

Could be the person who said "you are loved" has a sick idea of what love is if they were aware of the SA

You'd be surprised. I know some people who put blood relations above everything. To some people, it doesn't matter how bad your family is, family is family. Really gross mindset.

 

[delinquentsandwich]

ooh yes
the unauthentic/disingenuous comments are such a huge pet peeve for me

that and saying people would be sad
like, I don't care lol
why would I care about how people feel about me or see me after I die
it's not like I'll be there to see

I understand that in reality there may not be much people can do or say
sometimes with how bitter and easily set off some could be- it's like walking on eggshells (me)

I try to be understanding with normal people
they don't know what it's like
but of course sometimes they don't care too- just saying what is "right"

 

[Kos]

whenever i hear it i know they dont mean it always something they say to make themselves feel better. it's better if they say nothing.

 

[EternalShore]

I agree completely that no stranger or distant acquaintance should say that and that it just shows how privileged and naive they are. If it's someone who knows you and your family and knows that in fact you are loved them fine, it may be helpful. I'm certainly glad for anyone that it has helped but not everyone is so fortunate.

Today I got another one that triggers me. "I'm praying for you" means absolutely nothing to me. All I can think is oh wow, how lucky are you for being gullible enough to believe that nonsense. As an atheist, someone might as well promise me a million dollars and mansion to live in because if I know there is no million dollars or mansion, I know it's never going to happen. I have the same zero expectation for anything actually helping because of useless prayers.

It was especially bad this time because the person who said it used it to buffer bad news. We're cancelling your contract but I'm praying for you! Thanks a lot AHole, I hope that helps you sleep at night.

Saying you're praying someone should mean something~ It shouldn't be something you should say right after you screw someone over~ :/ That's just un-Christ-like tbh~ >_<

anyways, yeah, "Marry me then"~ :p one knows that'll never happen tho~ >_< I want it so bad tho~ :( would I want to marry a pro-lifer who'd say that? Probably not, but it's just needed so badly~ :(((

 

[hegelone]

Sorry, I wasn't trying to make you feel worse. I read what you wrote wrong. I hope things start looking up for you. Also, from how you describe it, Italy doesn't sound too good of a place to live in.

Thanks! It's totally fine, your post wasn't rude at all. In Italy there's no institutional help for failed people and social stigma is pervasive.