Discussion The Dead Narcissist Pedophile

[TheLastGreySky]

So recently I told people about some of the childhood sexual abuse that happened to me. And respectfully, I was honest about almost everything but I feel like I hadn't decided if I was going to commit suicide or not. And recently I've been messaging everyone I can that I've ever wronged to make an apology.
I have decided to CTB via partial suspension
Is the way to go...

So what did I leave out?
I left out that I was in another country (which I will not name) for several years in which pedophilia is not explicitly illegal. And in trying to become the predator instead of the prey, I did things that I should die for.

I would never under any circumstances touch or anything else inappropriate to my daughter.
And I do believe that I am not a pedophile. But having done atrocities to others, I want to take my life because the shame and the guilt I have for ruining the lives of others is unbearable.

So tonight's the night. If anyone wants to send me hate mail cool. If anyone wants to help me figure out how to live stream it, cool. If anyone wants to excuse me for doing this shit when I was like 18 or 19? Shut the fuck up.

I told my wife I am getting the help I need.
I am getting the help I need.
It's just not the way anyone else imagined it would be.

 

[k41tlynn]

wow that is a very dark story, did ur wife know about what you did at 18 before she had ur daughter? just curious

 

[TheLastGreySky]

wow that is a very dark story, did ur wife know about what you did at 18 before she had ur daughter? just curious

Yes, she was fully aware and role played and everything. She also was accepting if I ever did do anything incestuous even though I am repulsed by that idea to the point where if anyone even looked at my daughter I inappropriately I'd probably punch them in the face. We actually had the conversation that I initiated after my daughter was born that I and not allowing us to live that kind of life with her. No matter the circumstance I wanted to give her a normal life. And legitimately that's why I started going to these therapists. I was not into incest and she also knew that I had these regrets when I had my daughter. I really do think that because I'm autistic that I was masking but regardless of who what why where when.... I think I would be less of a monster if I killed somebody yesterday then if I get something inappropriate 20 years ago even if it was legal in the area. It is a stain on my soul. That is why I'm ready to end myself.
It took a lot of courage for me to admit this. But frankly I don't care whatever mental health issues I've had led me to do what I did. But here where we are calling someone a pedophile can get that person killed and I'm going to be damned if anyone offs me but myself. I screwed up my own life I should be the one who decides to hang himself.