Venting the agonizing wait.

[elpurp]

for those who are unaware, i recently broke up with my ex a few weeks ago, and i'm finally getting to a place where i'm not so much sad about losing her anymore, now it's replaced by the fact that i'm once again lonely, overlooked and misunderstood again by others. and i'm finally asking myself, "when is it my turn?"

and it's only been a few weeks so i know it's not now. i've been trying to rebound but to the few who saw me, my heart just isn't in it and they don't feel like the one. i don't wanna distract myself with porn and weed anymore, the right thing to do is feel everything and let it envelop but not destroy my worth, for i know these are temporary moments that will pass. it's awfully hard not to fall into old patterns when you're in an old place, and i'm tempted to start hurting myself again to deal with the lows. i don't even wanna reach out to friends, i've been bugging them for weeks about this and they're all out enjoying their relationships. and i'm happy for them, truly, it gets my mind off of thinking about the lack of mine.

i'd like to think i love myself. i feel like even before i met her, i felt this way. despite these moments, i'm overall pretty happy with who i am as a person and where i am in my life. i'm a handsome, intelligent, capable and talented individual who doesn't give myself enough credit due to the years of depression and anxiety i've been through. and i think it's important to remember to myself that these periods of time don't define who i am, but that it's also okay to feel this way. too many videos and posts i read completely fail to acknowledge that it's okay to still feel lonely and upset no matter how much you love yourself. it's okay to wanna be held and cuddled and kissed and just wanted.

i just can't let this be the end of me, no matter how much i want to sometimes.

 

[fuzzypeach]

yes! you can love yourself, care for yourself, etc. but just how friends cant be there ALL the time, i feel we need breaks ourselves too? if that makes sense. sometimes i need to rely on someone/something else while i recharge so i can show up for myself and thats OKAY not a failure

 

[elpurp]

yes! you can love yourself, care for yourself, etc. but just how friends cant be there ALL the time, i feel we need breaks ourselves too? if that makes sense. sometimes i need to rely on someone/something else while i recharge so i can show up for myself and thats OKAY not a failure

beautifully said, also W pfp, all the signs pointing me to rewatch bojack are becoming less and less subtle lol

 

[ipmanwc0]

I like what you say just additionally don't tie your worth to looks, intelligence, etc if that's what you're doing