Venting That feeling

[Falseunderworld]

Its not even that i want to die , but i mutter under my breath how much i want to die and im gonna ctb , its like a spiral of not wanting to exist , just fade away into nothingness and be forgotten , i keep saying ill do it and i want to and im so ready to but for some reason i can never follow through, and dont get me wrong ive resolved this is my only choice i know i wont get better im not better and no one even gives a shit about me anyways , i already came to terms with dying . But somehow without a doubt i just stop myself. Its not for anyone else because i dont care what they think , but maybe im just a fucking coward