Venting i wish i never introduced them to each other

[sleepydeaths]

that's it. that's all. i just wish i never introduced them to each other. im selfish for saying it. whenever they share affection for each other it genuinely triggers my bpd splits so horribly i self-harm.

this sucks. i dont want my friends to be a constant source of splitting and spiraling for me. i wish i never introduced them to each other. i really have to die

 

[ctb_warrior]

that's it. that's all. i just wish i never introduced them to each other. im selfish for saying it. whenever they share affection for each other it genuinely triggers my bpd splits so horribly i self-harm.

this sucks. i dont want my friends to be a constant source of splitting and spiraling for me. i wish i never introduced them to each other. i really have to die

Don't be so harsh on yourself dear brother

 

[sleepydeaths]

Don't be so harsh on yourself dear brother

its hard not to be when im just being objectively selfish about it lol its not them doing anything its just me. i want to die

 

[ctb_warrior]

its hard not to be when im just being objectively selfish about it lol its not them doing anything its just me. i want to die

Itz ok, you are a human, not a saint or angel or god. You've your emotions and desires. And this is not more important than your life. Not that I'm a proLifer, but I'm talking about your self worth

 

[sleepydeaths]

Itz ok, you are a human, not a saint or angel or god. You've your emotions and desires. And this is not more important than your life. Not that I'm a proLifer, but I'm talking about your self worth

i just wish i never introduced them to each other whenever they do normal couple shit it genuinely triggers me so bad i self-harm i genuinely dont know how much longer i can deal with it

 

[valar_morghulis21]

that's it. that's all. i just wish i never introduced them to each other. im selfish for saying it. whenever they share affection for each other it genuinely triggers my bpd splits so horribly i self-harm.

this sucks. i dont want my friends to be a constant source of splitting and spiraling for me. i wish i never introduced them to each other. i really have to die

I definitely felt that before too. But maybe think of you was the reason they find happiness? And also not hanging out with both of them at the same time may help.

 

[sleepydeaths]

I definitely felt that before too. But maybe think of you was the reason they find happiness? And also not hanging out with both of them at the same time may help.

this does not make me feel any better im sorry

i try not to but its an online environment where we've known each other for years so its very difficult

 

[notthatclever]

What is going on? Who introduced who where? Are you talking about people here on the site?

 

[sleepydeaths]

What is going on? Who introduced who where? Are you talking about people here on the site?

interpersonal drama. i harbor feelings for a friend who's dating another friend and i was the one who introduced the two to each other. a selfish part of me wish i didnt lol. theyre not the problem its me

 

[ctb_warrior]

interpersonal drama. i harbor feelings for a friend who's dating another friend and i was the one who introduced the two to each other. a selfish part of me wish i didnt lol. theyre not the problem its me

It's so relatable. It's the second time i am witnessing this situation.. And you are not wrong. It's natural to feel what you are feeling

 

[ceilingabove]

is it possible for you to talk candidly about how you're feeling with them?

 

[notthatclever]

interpersonal drama. i harbor feelings for a friend who's dating another friend and i was the one who introduced the two to each other. a selfish part of me wish i didnt lol. theyre not the problem its me

Awwww.. I'm sorry.. not the same way but I've been there.. I know it sounds corny and cliche.. but time is the friend there.. unless they break up.. then you can always shoot your shot after a decent amount of time after the break up.. in my experience.. dating a friend never worked out well for me.. or anything romantic with a friend.. because when that goes bad.. it goooooes baaaad.. nuclear explosions all over the place.. because you're not just breaking up with a partner you're breaking up with somebody that was your friend first so you lose a friend too.. and talk about being butt hurt.. I don't get close to many people so when I lose a friend.. especially a long time friend.. I take that very personally and I get deeply upset.. and in friend groups.. people take sides.. and when a friend group splits up.. it can be nasty..

But if you really like/love her.. I mean if they break up.. which is always a possibility.. I mean I guess love is always worth a shot even if it fails..

Unfortunately for my few friends I'm a very passionate little creature and they're stuck with me..

But if it doesn't work out.. my Mom always told me that love always hits you when you least expect to.. when you're not even looking for it.. and she's right.. often times it comes out of nowhere..

The classic.. there are other fish in the sea..

And you never know.. one day it might just hit you out of nowhere..

I don't know.. love was never really a reason for me to feel ctb.. or failed love rather.. that's one area I never felt that way about..

I just come from a mindset it's better to have love and lost than never have loved at all..

Because it does.. it's happened a few times.. it just hits you out of nowhere.. you're minding your day and then you see somebody..

I always figured if I'm going to end it.. it's because of me.. not anybody else..

Because love is fleeting.. it's an ebb and flow of life.. rarely do people last forever.. it's a nice idea and nice when it happens but it's the exception anymore.. not the rule..

But I get it.. I've had some brutal heart break.. I guess you learn to get better at it..

That and skin gets thicker over time..

Are you younger? Like late teens early 20's? Because everything that hurts at those ages feels like the end of the world..

Just if you are younger.. not telling you what to do or how to feel but nothing is worth going full blown Romeo and Juliet over..

Especially when you're young.. those feelings pass..

I know it feels like forever and awful and like it will never go away.. but those types of things it does..

But I get it.. when I was younger.. I married my high school sweetheart.. but we dated off and on for a decade before we got married..

And every time we broke up I thought my life was over..

Turns out life was over after the divorce. And we thoroughly hate each other.. after almost 20 years together.. go figure..

He can eat my ass for all I care now..

Now I just think of ways I can make him upset.. I'll do anything to piss him off..

And that was somebody I would have died for at one time.. I would have taken a bullet for him..

Just something to keep in mind.. I'll never ctb about love gone bad.. just part of life..

Watch the movie Rules Of Attraction..

One of the characters was a girl the wrote one of the main guys purple love letters.. and he was popular at the college and blah blah blah.. and he thought it was another girl writing him the letters.. he turned the letters into something else and thought it was his crush writing them because that's what he wanted..

He barely knew the real writer existed..

And the real writer ends up offing herself because she thought he knew and thought he slept with another girl at a party to hurt her..

So she ended up dying in vain..

That's why I don't feel ctb about love..

Her ctb scene is one of the more gruesome brutal suicide scenes in cinema history..

Ironically.. the girl he has a crush on that he thought was writing the letters.. and she wasn't.. is the one that finds her body..

It's a brutal movie but maybe worth a watch to give you a little perspective.. it's a book too.. by Brett Easton Ellis.. the same guy that wrote American Psycho..

The movie is funny too it's just very darkly funny..

The guy she kills herself over is Sean Bateman.. the brother of Patrick Bateman.. the guy from American Psycho..

So if that tells you anything.. trust me he ain't far off from his brother..

Not saying anybody in your situation is a psycho.. I'm just saying.. those things can be in vain..

 

[sleepydeaths]

is it possible for you to talk candidly about how you're feeling with them?

i talked to the person i have the feelings for back in march about it and i never brought it up again past that because what else would i really say at that point. obviously i want to die for other reasons but this has caused me to split horribly over the last months.

Awwww.. I'm sorry.. not the same way but I've been there.. I know it sounds corny and cliche.. but time is the friend there.. unless they break up.. then you can always shoot your shot after a decent amount of time after the break up.. in my experience.. dating a friend never worked out well for me.. or anything romantic with a friend.. because when that goes bad.. it goooooes baaaad.. nuclear explosions all over the place.. because you're not just breaking up with a partner you're breaking up with somebody that was your friend first so you lose a friend too.. and talk about being butt hurt.. I don't get close to many people so when I lose a friend.. especially a long time friend.. I take that very personally and I get deeply upset.. and in friend groups.. people take sides.. and when a friend group splits up.. it can be nasty..

But if you really like/love her.. I mean if they break up.. which is always a possibility.. I mean I guess love is always worth a shot even if it fails..

Unfortunately for my few friends I'm a very passionate little creature and they're stuck with me..

But if it doesn't work out.. my Mom always told me that love always hits you when you least expect to.. when you're not even looking for it.. and she's right.. often times it comes out of nowhere..

The classic.. there are other fish in the sea..

And you never know.. one day it might just hit you out of nowhere..

I don't know.. love was never really a reason for me to feel ctb.. or failed love rather.. that's one area I never felt that way about..

I just come from a mindset it's better to have love and lost than never have loved at all..

Because it does.. it's happened a few times.. it just hits you out of nowhere.. you're minding your day and then you see somebody..

I always figured if I'm going to end it.. it's because of me.. not anybody else..

Because love is fleeting.. it's an ebb and flow of life.. rarely do people last forever.. it's a nice idea and nice when it happens but it's the exception anymore.. not the rule..

But I get it.. I've had some brutal heart break.. I guess you learn to get better at it..

That and skin gets thicker over time..

Are you younger? Like late teens early 20's? Because everything that hurts at those ages feels like the end of the world..

Just if you are younger.. not telling you what to do or how to feel but nothing is worth going full blown Romeo and Juliet over..

Especially when you're young.. those feelings pass..

I know it feels like forever and awful and like it will never go away.. but those types of things it does..

But I get it.. when I was younger.. I married my high school sweetheart.. but we dated off and on for a decade before we got married..

And every time we broke up I thought my life was over..

Turns out life was over after the divorce. And we thoroughly hate each other.. after almost 20 years together.. go figure..

He can eat my ass for all I care now..

Now I just think of ways I can make him upset.. I'll do anything to piss him off..

And that was somebody I would have died for at one time.. I would have taken a bullet for him..

Just something to keep in mind.. I'll never ctb about love gone bad.. just part of life..

Watch the movie Rules Of Attraction..

One of the characters was a girl the wrote one of the main guys purple love letters.. and he was popular at the college and blah blah blah.. and he thought it was another girl writing him the letters.. he turned the letters into something else and thought it was his crush writing them because that's what he wanted..

He barely knew the real writer existed..

And the real writer ends up offing herself because she thought he knew and thought he slept with another girl at a party to hurt her..

So she ended up dying in vain..

That's why I don't feel ctb about love..

Her ctb scene is one of the more gruesome brutal suicide scenes in cinema history..

Ironically.. the girl he has a crush on that he thought was writing the letters.. and she wasn't.. is the one that finds her body..

It's a brutal movie but maybe worth a watch to give you a little perspective.. it's a book too.. by Brett Easton Ellis.. the same guy that wrote American Psycho..

The movie is funny too it's just very darkly funny..

The guy she kills herself over is Sean Bateman.. the brother of Patrick Bateman.. the guy from American Psycho..

So if that tells you anything.. trust me he ain't far off from his brother..

Not saying anybody in your situation is a psycho.. I'm just saying.. those things can be in vain..

i appreciate the sentiment and you're right overall, but my life has been a source of constant trauma, strife, and pain for me. i dont feel like going in depth about it here but no i don't want to actually kill myself over this but it causes me to have bpd splits and i self harm as a result

 

[ceilingabove]

i talked to the person i have the feelings for back in march about it and i never brought it up again past that because what else would i really say at that point. obviously i want to die for other reasons but this has caused me to split horribly over the last months.

yea i can see how this would be a big trigger, im sorry. its strong of you to have talked to them about it.

 

[notthatclever]

Ok.. well I'm sorry to hear that.. I just wanted to make sure you going ctb was about something more tangible. Not encouraging you to do stay alive or ctb.. I just don't like seeing people do so in vain is all.. I'm sorry it makes you self harm.. I haven't done that to myself so I don't know what that's like but I hope at least that gets better.. at the very least you can check out that movie I told you about.. it can at least distract you for a little while..