Venting Want to die yet find myself trapped because i care about others emotions....

[darksoul999]

I want to end it so bad. If it were just me & i had no family i would end it tonight. Why can't i just do it?!.. I have SN as well as Fentanyl at my disposal but my own human emotions are keeping me trapped. My family knows i have bipolar, i have delt with it since i was 18, now 26. I wish i could say i have horrible family members it would make it so much easier to just go but deep down i do not want to hurt anybody. I feel like i am trapped in a cell wondering everyday, is this the day? I do not want anything from this life. The only thing i truly want is a type of freedom that only comes with death, true everlasting freedom. It also sucks because i am in the process of building a house with my dad, something i do not think i have the energy to continue doing. I have always tried to be a selfless person but i feel to finally be free one must be selfish enough to free ones self. uhhhh... what to do... what to do...

 

[watergun88]

how lucky it is .... to have family....

 

[pleaseletmeleave]

I feel you . I too am blessed with an incredible family. I'm really struggling with being selfless enough to stay but it's just so damn hard. I don't want to be here at all. I'm sorry you're in this position and stuck in this torturous pain. I hope things can get better for you

 

[Agnes Tachyon]

lately, that has been bothering me too ...as much as i try to convince myself that everything is just an hallucination and it will end once i die ...making my mother sad, the possibility of her having to grieve my death, i mean, she is already depressed ...and one of the reasons why i want to commit is to die before her, i dont want to grieve her death, as selfish as that is.

if only choosing self love for once was easy...​