Thanksgiving

[moondazed]

I had a suicidal ideation moment a couple nights ago, but I'm generally doing ok. The person I had started dating this last month basically soft broke up with me. We are pretty different… They said they just need time to think about it all but they're probably right, so I understand and I'm glad they were so cordial about it. I of course didn't not express these feelings to them, and I'm not terribly upset about it, but it does make me realize that I'm a difficult person to love, despite all my better features.

The holidays are always hard for me because my family is so spread out and broken. I'm usually alone. I also think thanksgiving is a bad holiday that ignores the plight of Native Americans, I am very passionate about that but I won't get political about it other than it upsets me more on top of my lack of familial connection, so this holiday is hard.

I'm thankful for my life I guess, it's not terrible even though I often would rather be dead. The world is too much and I don't think there is enough medication or therapy to make it better for me. I want to fight anyway, but my longing for connection coupled with my severe social anxiety and depression makes it hard. But I am grateful for what I do have, like my dog, my plants, my lizards and the other little things that bring me joy.

I just wanted to play a video game today, because I've been applying for PhD programs for the last few weeks and work has been absolutely insane so I haven't gamed in awhile. Just wanted to escape… but the game I really want to play is bugging out. I've spent the last few hours troubleshooting and trying to fix it by uninstalling, reinstalling, repairing, updating drivers, googling to see if anyone else is dealing with it, and nothing. I know it's just something weird but I feel like I'm being particularly punished. I'm just trying to be a good person and live life but I can't seem to catch a break. That's all, just venting idk.

 

[Dangerdonkey333]

Yeah, break ups always suck, but it's better to go sperate ways if it's not going to work out. Especially if it can be done without hurt feeling. I agree that the native American aspect of Thanksgiving is kinda silly. It is a nice occasion to look at all the good you have though, No matter how little. I too have a lizard and plants to be thankful for, and know how much of a delight they can be. It's cool that you are studying. If you don't mind me asking, what are you majoring in? And what video game are you trying to play?

 

[moondazed]

Yeah, break ups always suck, but it's better to go sperate ways if it's not going to work out. Especially if it can be done without hurt feeling. I agree that the native American aspect of Thanksgiving is kinda silly. It is a nice occasion to look at all the good you have though, No matter how little. I too have a lizard and plants to be thankful for, and know how much of a delight they can be. It's cool that you are studying. If you don't mind me asking, what are you majoring in? And what video game are you trying to play?

Yeah, I agree. We had a lot of chemistry so it's a shame but I get it and would rather not drag anything out like I've done before.

I have a BS in biology but currently work in the biotech industry. I'm applying for a few different PhD programs, but my focus is on host-microbe symbiotic interactions and chemical communication.

I'm trying to play Dark and Darker, it's an early access game thats kinda like Escape from Tarkov but medieval fantasy

 

[Dangerdonkey333]

Nice, I always loved biology and medical chemistry. Inspiring me to brush back up on it. And I have played Dark and Darker before, not for a while though. It can definitely be a bit finicky.