Thank you for SN

[notwavinbutdrowning]

Hello, long time lurker 31M, first post - please be kind :)

I've suffered with severe depression and anxiety since my early teens, linked to my dad passing and sexual abuse etc.

I finally broke in April 2022 and have had 2 failed attempts at ctb since. However, i now have SN from IC (Im in the UK) and I wanted to say thank you for all the information and support this forum provides. When the SN arrived, i took a test dose of 2g and my oxygen level reduced to 80% and my blood pressure went super low. and i had cyanosis and almost passed out. Fortunately, i am already on benzos and quetiapine to manage the vomiting and SI but i finally feel empowered to end my life when the time is right. I will try a higher dose soon to see how my body reacts before taking the full dose.

I truly want to recover but in case i don't, you guys and girls have given me the tools to end my suffering, Thank You to everyone of you.

 

[punkarmadillo]

Hi, I'm sorry that you are needing to be here, but as a new member ( long time lurker) I don't feel right giving much advice other than please please rethink test doses, check out the SN threads warning of the accidental deaths from doing this. I will always respect folks choices but would suggest you wait until and if you are ready to CTB with the cosmic wheels to take more. I also have read a higher chance of vomiting after 'failed' attempts. Welcome, and I hope you are around a long time but I also wish you the peace you need

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand why you would feel so relieved at just having the option of SN. I think that those who have SN by their side right now are fortunate, I wish you the best of luck.

 

[pillow933]

Hello, long time lurker 31M, first post - please be kind :)

I've suffered with severe depression and anxiety since my early teens, linked to my dad passing and sexual abuse etc.

I finally broke in April 2022 and have had 2 failed attempts at ctb since. However, i now have SN from IC (Im in the UK) and I wanted to say thank you for all the information and support this forum provides. When the SN arrived, i took a test dose of 2g and my oxygen level reduced to 80% and my blood pressure went super low. and i had cyanosis and almost passed out. Fortunately, i am already on benzos and quetiapine to manage the vomiting and SI but i finally feel empowered to end my life when the time is right. I will try a higher dose soon to see how my body reacts before taking the full dose.

I truly want to recover but in case i don't, you guys and girls have given me the tools to end my suffering, Thank You to everyone of you.

Hey, do you mind explaining how you felt after taking your 2g test dose? Did you take anything else with it, for example an AE? And what symptoms did you experience? Thank you!

 

[stilhavinightmares]

Hello, I'm glad you're feeling some relief. It's really advised NOT to do test doses because of the undue suffering and possibility of death if you're not ready. It is helpful to hear your experience with the 2g though so thank you for sharing. Did you feel nauseous? Vomiting is my biggest fear with SN, then not absorbing enough as a result.

 

[Shu]

Hello, I'm glad you're feeling some relief. It's really advised NOT to do test doses because of the undue suffering and possibility of death if you're not ready. It is helpful to hear your experience with the 2g though so thank you for sharing. Did you feel nauseous? Vomiting is my biggest fear with SN, then not absorbing enough as a result.

Well being that there have only been one or two people that have claimed to fail from vomiting (that I recall seeing) I don't see why everyone's so paranoid about throwing up when literally most people throw up when they drink SN even with anti-nausea medication.

 

[Jarni]

Well being that there have only been one or two people that have claimed to fail from vomiting (that I recall seeing) I don't see why everyone's so paranoid about throwing up when literally most people throw up when they drink SN even with anti-nausea medication.

Those who was helped by doctors after vomiting could maybe also survive without this help, we don't know...

 

[Someone123]

The mid level dose could result in hospitalization and losing the sn- it's your decision, but I would personally not try sn again until I was ready to ctb.

 

[stilhavinightmares]

Well being that there have only been one or two people that have claimed to fail from vomiting (that I recall seeing) I don't see why everyone's so paranoid about throwing up when literally most people throw up when they drink SN even with anti-nausea medication.

I have a weak stomach since I got bariatric surgery over a year ago so I'm nervous I won't be able to keep enough down, and I also HATE throwing up, that's why for me.

 

[MidnightDream]

Hey man, so so happy for you <3
Just wanting to echo above, probably not the best idea to try out a higher dose unless you're certain you're ready to go when you take it, there's been a few threads here of people taking even smaller doses than 2g by way of testing and passing away, so just be careful :)

 

[Sapphire]

You shouldn't test it. You can look up case studies from medical journals online. The lethal dose for adults ranges between .7g - 5g of SN. The average lethal dose is only 2g.

 

[notwavinbutdrowning]

Hey, do you mind explaining how you felt after taking your 2g test dose? Did you take anything else with it, for example an AE? And what symptoms did you experience? Thank you!

I don't mind sharing my experience but i suppose we'll all react differently. I take quetiapine twice daily which i believe is also an effective AE.

I didn't experience any nausea. I felt very light headed, almost like i just wanted to sleep. My coordination was terrible and i had trouble walking. My blood pressure was low at 80/30 (usually 110/70) for a couple of hours and my blood O levels took a similar time to return above 90%, lowest reading i recorded was 82%. Finger tips and lips stayed blue for at least a few hours. Took 12 hours for all symptoms to go away,

Thank you all for the advice against taking another higher test dose. I did not realise the potential fatal dose was so low. I won't take any more than 2g in the future, unless i'm ready to go to the stars. I definitely don't want access to my SN taken away.

 

[lost&lonely]

I don't mind sharing my experience but i suppose we'll all react differently. I take quetiapine twice daily which i believe is also an effective AE.

I didn't experience any nausea. I felt very light headed, almost like i just wanted to sleep. My coordination was terrible and i had trouble walking. My blood pressure was low at 80/30 (usually 110/70) for a couple of hours and my blood O levels took a similar time to return above 90%, lowest reading i recorded was 82%. Finger tips and lips stayed blue for at least a few hours. Took 12 hours for all symptoms to go away,

Thank you all for the advice against taking another higher test dose. I did not realise the potential fatal dose was so low. I won't take any more than 2g in the future, unless i'm ready to go to the stars. I definitely don't want access to my SN taken away.

How long did it take to receive the package? Is the package a suitable size to fit through a standard letter box? I want to order some but I am away from home until the end of next month.

 

[notwavinbutdrowning]

How long did it take to receive the package? Is the package a suitable size to fit through a standard letter box? I want to order some but I am away from home until the end of next mA

3 weeks or so but i did order during the xmas break so it may come quicker. I ordered 100g and it fitted easily through the letter box, i would say `maybe the packaging was 10 mm thick, A5 size. It was clearly labelled as a food preservative but no toxic/hazardous substance markings.

 

[Whole-Ad]

May someone PM me regarding the IC source? This will be my 2nd time buying SN. My first time I ordered two batches. One from Turkey and the second from Russia. The Russian one isn't available anymore, and the Turkey one took about a month to arrive so I'd like to get some a bit faster if possible?

 

[lost&lonely]

3 weeks or so but i did order during the xmas break so it may come quicker. I ordered 100g and it fitted easily through the letter box, i would say `maybe the packaging was 10 mm thick, A5 size. It was clearly labelled as a food preservative but no toxic/hazardous substance markings.

That's brilliant, thank you for your help.

 

[krxbs]

if anyone could help with a source for IC, i'd also appreciate it tons.
i'm sorry your suffering has led to this point, OP. please please reconsider test doses if you haven't already. i sincerely hope your recovery goes well, and if not... i hope you find peace.

 

[blackroseRM]

As others have said, highly discourage taking higher dose until you're ready to go. The amount you took could have been fatal for you already. A lot of people have gone on accident before they were ready and just want to make sure you've made all your preparations, said your goodbyes, etc before you do any more "test doses" or anything. I really think even a higher test dose would hospitalize you however and could result in you losing your chance so please just consider carefully.

 

[Skullinthewoods]

I just admit, I'm quite confused about the warnings against test doses of low amounts that could potentially kill you accidentally alongside the warnings that you'll inevitably fail without having performed an antiemetics regime prior to SN ingestion.

Could somebody more knowledgeable on this method please clarify?

I'm curious as I may end up resorting to SN ingestion alone if AEs prove too difficult to get. It's not ideal, but neither will any alternatives be at that point.