RheaLovesCoffee
C'est la vie :0
- Jan 16, 2026
- 25
Been a while since I posted something here.
Idk why am posting this. Maybe just because I can.
Ever since my first and last attempt, I have been extremely afraid of death. I wanted to die before but after having that experience, I have been so scared. Like, outta my mind kinda scared. Two yrs ago, I had pneumonia and my oxygen lvl was severely low. I was panicking cuz i thought i was gonna die. I was so fcking scared my parents had to call my therapist to my room.
Every time I remember I'm mortal, I lose my fcking mind and panic. I was panicking just a second ago cuz... idk my brain decided that thinking abt my deathbed at the age of 18 is a cool thing.
The fact I'm going to die eventually and idk when scares me. I cry every time i think abt it. I dont want to me immortal either though, that means I'd have to see others around me die and lose people all the time. I dont want that. but the fact idk what comes after scared the fck outta me to the point i feel nauseous and i get a bad headache. I've been super stressed abt university and all as well cuz ofc education needs money. I wanna go study in UK but international student fee is high that domestic students. I am not rich enough to afford it without loans. I really wanna go to UK cuz i see more opportunities there than my home country here. So, now with that stress i have to deal with random panic attacks because of my existential thoughts. I kinda feel like a whiny bitch cuz everyone here has so many worse problems than mine. My therapist keeps telling me that it's okay and my pain matters as well but yea... Kinda hard to accept.
I am not even, like, 40 or something. I'm 18. Still i am so scared of death. If going by avg lifespan, I am nowhere close to death. but ofc life is weird and volatile. So, idk.
I also hv my exams going on rn and these thoughts are distracting. Anyways, imma just post this here cuz... idfk. I should go study fr. I need that scholarship...
Y'all take care!
Idk why am posting this. Maybe just because I can.
Ever since my first and last attempt, I have been extremely afraid of death. I wanted to die before but after having that experience, I have been so scared. Like, outta my mind kinda scared. Two yrs ago, I had pneumonia and my oxygen lvl was severely low. I was panicking cuz i thought i was gonna die. I was so fcking scared my parents had to call my therapist to my room.
Every time I remember I'm mortal, I lose my fcking mind and panic. I was panicking just a second ago cuz... idk my brain decided that thinking abt my deathbed at the age of 18 is a cool thing.
The fact I'm going to die eventually and idk when scares me. I cry every time i think abt it. I dont want to me immortal either though, that means I'd have to see others around me die and lose people all the time. I dont want that. but the fact idk what comes after scared the fck outta me to the point i feel nauseous and i get a bad headache. I've been super stressed abt university and all as well cuz ofc education needs money. I wanna go study in UK but international student fee is high that domestic students. I am not rich enough to afford it without loans. I really wanna go to UK cuz i see more opportunities there than my home country here. So, now with that stress i have to deal with random panic attacks because of my existential thoughts. I kinda feel like a whiny bitch cuz everyone here has so many worse problems than mine. My therapist keeps telling me that it's okay and my pain matters as well but yea... Kinda hard to accept.
I am not even, like, 40 or something. I'm 18. Still i am so scared of death. If going by avg lifespan, I am nowhere close to death. but ofc life is weird and volatile. So, idk.
I also hv my exams going on rn and these thoughts are distracting. Anyways, imma just post this here cuz... idfk. I should go study fr. I need that scholarship...
Y'all take care!
