Terrified of inconveniencing other people

[c4bomba]

I lied when i said i was socially isolated for 7 years. Not completely true at least.

Three years ago, i actually gave high school a chance despite being petrified of schools. My teachers were very great and expains things in brief details but i was a very very slow person. They were some things that i didn't understand but i was afraid to raise my hand and ask because i didn't want to inconvenience them. Our chemistry teacher was the loveliest, she'd take her time to explain things more carefully so each and every single student understood. I really liked all the teachers there. They were so good at their job despite not even being paid much and worked so hard so we could understand things but i was severely dumb. I was afraid to ask others classmates questions or even knew what to say to them in order to ask for help.

I had a chemistry quiz coming up, i tried to stay up day and night to study for it. I wanted to make up for the hard work our chem teachers did. But alas I couldn't do it, i failed that test horribly and cried in the bathroom stall like a pathetic whimp. I felt so bad for wasting all her efforts like that. I still do. I dropped out completely shortly after that because I knew I couldn't do it.

I also lied that I have absolutely zero friends, it's not true. I have one online friend. I can't come clean to her about my pathetic life even though I know she's a very kind and understanding person. She'd offer great advice and listen to you too but I don't want to inconvenience her, despite her being the only person I have in my life who'd actually give two shits about me i can't just burden her. Even with the smallest things like complaining they feel like inconveniencing others. I'll swore to never do that again.

But in order to grow you'd have to inconvenience like your parents or your mentors but it's so hard without feeling extreme guilt and shame. I also don't want to seem weak at my grown age. Part of it is pride and part of it is guilt. I just wanna know if there's a way to actually develop as a human being without burdening others.

 

[Kamaainakupua]

I still struggle with the feeling of being a burden, but something one of my early guides said was, "Never be afraid to ask for help. When you hold back, you deprive someone the opportunity to be of service." This website, this forum in particular, is a great example of how many people are willing to help each other, and themselves. SaSu was founded with the idea that we needed a safe place where someone could say, "I want to die. I need help" and be heard, understood, and supported and encouraged in their choice.
The pain of feeling unwanted, misunderstood, and rejected is made worse by those that reinforce what we believe. Here, I can say that and someone will reply, "Me, too. But it's not true". Here, we are wanted, understood, and accepted.
Thanks for being honest and open. I hope you feel the love.

 

[c4bomba]

I still struggle with the feeling of being a burden, but something one of my early guides said was, "Never be afraid to ask for help. When you hold back, you deprive someone the opportunity to be of service." This website, this forum in particular, is a great example of how many people are willing to help each other, and themselves. SaSu was founded with the idea that we needed a safe place where someone could say, "I want to die. I need help" and be heard, understood, and supported and encouraged in their choice.
The pain of feeling unwanted, misunderstood, and rejected is made worse by those that reinforce what we believe. Here, I can say that and someone will reply, "Me, too. But it's not true". Here, we are wanted, understood, and accepted.
Thanks for being honest and open. I hope you feel the love.

Thanks for the lovely reply. Yes it's true that people here are lovely and very helpful. But sometimes I feel like you need more than words? Like something that requires more energy. I don't want to offend anyone here, I'm still grateful for everyone here who tried to help and share insight on how to improve my situation. I mean it's online afterall it's not like the users here can do much than offer comfort and some advice based on their experience and knowledge. Not to mention how they have lots on their plates too like I'm not the only one. But I mean in real life. I'm extremely fearful and have been severely sheltered all my life. So if someone says "go on walks often outside and talk to people" I won't be able to do that because of fear. And i have a tendency to fall back to square one.
This year i told my brother how it's bothering me how i regret not completing high school and needed help. I actually cried alot but when it came to actually getting things done i chickened out so badly and gave up. Not only did i inconvenienced him but never ended up getting anything done. I know it's my fault but the fear is completely out of my control and now i can't ask anyone for help because i know I'll never be able to get anything done

 

[Forever Sleep]

I can get like this in specific ways. I cried in front of a hospital nurse when they told me they were going to keep me in to run tests- it ended up being a gallstone in the bile duct. But, I hated the feeling I was making a fuss. I'm also overweight and not the healthiest so, I felt bad about being judged that I had brought it on myself.

It's also embarassing when we can't keep up with others or, don't understand things or, mess things up. With a teacher specifically though- that's what they're paid to do. I imagine they would actually prefer someone to be honest and say- 'I'm sorry- I am trying but- I can't get my head around this.' It shows them that at least you care. At least you want to learn. I imagine they'd maybe prefer more tution or referrals and you getting a slightly better grade than just staying quiet and not.

Also- it doesn't have to be- can you tell me how to do this again? You could ask your tutors if they can recommend any other books or learning resources to supplement what you're doing.

It shows more initiative- I think- to let people know we are struggling- even if it's embarrassing. I had to tell my boss/ managers once or twice that I was feeling overwhelmed. That gave them the opportunity to get me more help etc. before things really turned to shit!

You can also tell friends that you don't want to overburden them or, that you're conscious of trying not to. I'll sometimes outright ask someone if they mind me venting to them. If they are good enough friends- they'll probably be open to hearing the odd rant. But then, they'll hopefully also know that they can say they are struggling themselves from time to time so maybe- can't quite be so attentive- without it ruining the friendship.

 

[whywere]

1st off, you weak? NEVER EVER!!!!!!

We all find our own path and with that part of the equation, no one EVER is a burden upon anyone EVER.

Part of the ongoing human experience is that we are ALL together in this, from the get-go. and we ALL need one another at times, as that is part of evolution of the human species. One person might be good or have this talent, that helps another soul and vice versa.

If we are ever going to evolve and be a better life form, ten we ALL have to be a part of that and burden? NEVER EVER.

You bring so much to the table of life, you might NOT know it right now, BUT it is there, quiet and working towards a better tomorrow for you and the whole human race.

Be proud of yourself! I am 70, reference point and for the past 50 or so years in the business world and personal from all over the globe, I have had the wonderful and loving experience of working with folks who all in their own way have brought so VERY much to the table of life and so will YOU!

Lots of HUGE hugs, caring and kind thoughts and the knowledge that you are on a wonderous journey!

Walter

 

[Pluto]