I thought it'd get here tomorrow, but my supplies arrived early!
I actually feel relieved, I finally have control over something in my life.
I've told my friends and coworkers I'm going to the ER because I have COVID like symptoms. A couple hours beforehand, I'll tell them they want to keep me overnight because my oxygen levels being so low. I think they'll buy it.
Before I go, I'll have a couple shots of scotch. I hate the stuff, but it's what I have and a friend gave it to me for my house warming party.
What a crazy ride it has been, this thing called life. I've laughed, I've cried. I've loved, I've lost. I've made friends, and I made enemies. I've traveled and experienced some crazy stuff. But I think I'm done. I know this is the right move because I don't feel scared, an ounce of remorse, or a hint of sadness. I will update this post as time goes by. Reflect on my thoughts and make one final mark on this world.
Edit 1:
Anyone ever seen Rick and Morty, the episode with Unity? I kinda feel like how Rick feels after Unity leaves him. I've got that song playing on repeat now. I get that feeling. I've known it all my life.
Edit 2:
I don't hold anything against her. She just wasn't happy. I don't blame her. I'm not happy with me either. Part of me wonders if she'll try to reach out when people tell her I'm "at the hospital". Not that I'd know, she's blocked on everything. Isn't that kind of pathetic? Really convinces me I'm doing the right thing. I'll be sure to tell my friends not to give her updates because she doesn't need this on her conscience. If it were up to me, no one would get an update. Sadly, my parents will know :(.
Edit 3.
Okay, friends have been told my oxygen levels are very low. T minus 2 hours. I'm laying in bed and feel at peace. Sad, but at peace. Mind you, not sad because of what I'll do, but because I've been looking at the few group pictures my friends have with her in them on our Discord. I told her that i once had a nightmare that we stopped talking for a week, and when I tried to reach out to her again, i couldn't find a way to contact her. I had that nightmare again last night. Except, unlike last time, when I wake up, she isn't here. I've been living in a nightmare for the past 3 weeks and i cant take it anymore. I don't eat, i don't sleep, i don't enjoy anything. A girl was hitting on me last night but even that did nothing for me. They aren't the girl i love.
Edit 4.
Okay, parents took my dogs. Friends and coworkers think I'm in the hospital overnight for COVID. Said my "goodbyes", or at least my version of them. T minus 1 hour. Time to drink scotch and write my goodbye letters.
Edit 5.
Sent my goodbye letters. Turned off auto pay on my bills. Sent my parents my last money. Time to drink my last bit of scotch and send my final update. Brb.
Edit 6.
Bottle is empty. Gonna take a couple more things and pass out. Have a good life guys. Hope everything goes well for y'all. :)
I actually feel relieved, I finally have control over something in my life.
I've told my friends and coworkers I'm going to the ER because I have COVID like symptoms. A couple hours beforehand, I'll tell them they want to keep me overnight because my oxygen levels being so low. I think they'll buy it.
Before I go, I'll have a couple shots of scotch. I hate the stuff, but it's what I have and a friend gave it to me for my house warming party.
What a crazy ride it has been, this thing called life. I've laughed, I've cried. I've loved, I've lost. I've made friends, and I made enemies. I've traveled and experienced some crazy stuff. But I think I'm done. I know this is the right move because I don't feel scared, an ounce of remorse, or a hint of sadness. I will update this post as time goes by. Reflect on my thoughts and make one final mark on this world.
Edit 1:
Anyone ever seen Rick and Morty, the episode with Unity? I kinda feel like how Rick feels after Unity leaves him. I've got that song playing on repeat now. I get that feeling. I've known it all my life.
Edit 2:
I don't hold anything against her. She just wasn't happy. I don't blame her. I'm not happy with me either. Part of me wonders if she'll try to reach out when people tell her I'm "at the hospital". Not that I'd know, she's blocked on everything. Isn't that kind of pathetic? Really convinces me I'm doing the right thing. I'll be sure to tell my friends not to give her updates because she doesn't need this on her conscience. If it were up to me, no one would get an update. Sadly, my parents will know :(.
Edit 3.
Okay, friends have been told my oxygen levels are very low. T minus 2 hours. I'm laying in bed and feel at peace. Sad, but at peace. Mind you, not sad because of what I'll do, but because I've been looking at the few group pictures my friends have with her in them on our Discord. I told her that i once had a nightmare that we stopped talking for a week, and when I tried to reach out to her again, i couldn't find a way to contact her. I had that nightmare again last night. Except, unlike last time, when I wake up, she isn't here. I've been living in a nightmare for the past 3 weeks and i cant take it anymore. I don't eat, i don't sleep, i don't enjoy anything. A girl was hitting on me last night but even that did nothing for me. They aren't the girl i love.
Edit 4.
Okay, parents took my dogs. Friends and coworkers think I'm in the hospital overnight for COVID. Said my "goodbyes", or at least my version of them. T minus 1 hour. Time to drink scotch and write my goodbye letters.
Edit 5.
Sent my goodbye letters. Turned off auto pay on my bills. Sent my parents my last money. Time to drink my last bit of scotch and send my final update. Brb.
Edit 6.
Bottle is empty. Gonna take a couple more things and pass out. Have a good life guys. Hope everything goes well for y'all. :)
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