Survival Instinct and Patience - the two biggest enemies of Living

[Motoko]

The only good thing about this shitty world, is that at least no matter what, even if I fail at ctb, one day I will die anyway - from natural causes. I'm so glad that at least mortality is a thing here. That no matter what, I will die one day. I will finally have a peace. Survival Instinct is one of the biggest enemies of me dying. This motherfucker is so strong and hard to beat, that in worst case scenario, I will just have to wait until nature takes me. But here comes the second biggest enemy - Patience. If I don't do anything proactive by myself, then all I have left is Patience - waiting for that final day. It will require so many years of daily waiting. It is possible to learn to live with Patience I guess, to accept it somehow, but it's hard.
I guess this is why we have so many ways of escapism. It's like a "cheat" in this game, to workaround this patience, in case you can't beat it yourself. Instead of counting all those seconds, minutes..., months and years that you have left, we can try to ignore the Patience by watching movies, playing games, reading books etc.
People complain that time goes so fast. I used to be afraid that it goes so fast, now I am glad it goes so fast.

One day... it will finally be over. No matter what.

 

[ctb_warrior]

The only good thing about this shitty world, is that at least no matter what, even if I fail ctb, one day I will day anyway - from "natural causes". I'm so glad that at least mortality is a thing here. That no matter what, I will die one day. I will finally have a peace. Survival Instinct is one of the biggest enemies of me dying. This motherfucker is so strong and hard to beat, that in worst case scenario, I will just have to wait until nature will take me. But here comes the second biggest enemy - patience. If I don't do anything proactive by myself, then all I have left is Patience - waiting for that final day. It will require so many years of daily waiting. It is possible to learn to live with Patience I guess, to accept it somehow, but it's hard.
I guess this is why we have so many ways of escapism. It's like a "cheat" in this game, to workaround this patience, in case you can't beat it yourself. Instead of counting all those seconds, minutes..., months and years that you have left, we can try to ignore the Patience by watching movies, playing games, reading books etc.
People complain that times goes so fast. I used to be afraid that it goes so fast, now I am glad it goes so fast.

One day... it will finally be over. No matter what.

I'm 36 right now and if we assume for easy calculation that I'll die at 72. So, i have 36 more years to suffer and i find that it's too much. These 36 years have made me crazy, how will i handle 36 more along with old age in the end of my life.
I wish life really went very fast. It's been very slow for me.
I don't even have a method to ctb as i live with my family who know that i wish to ctb. So there's not much i can do to ctb.
The only option i have at the moment is to wait for the right time. I'm sure I'll CTB in life, I'll not wait 36 more years to suffer. That's why i have decided not to get married. So i don't have anyone's responsibility, so i don't leave anyone behind when i ctb.

 

[rottenbeing]

For me, time can't go fast enough. I wish I woke up tomorrow and I am already an old women at deathbed. Oh to be 90 ready to die. If only god was this merciful.

I'm 36 right now and if we assume for easy calculation that I'll die at 72. So, i have 36 more years to suffer and i find that it's too much. These 36 years have made me crazy, how will i handle 36 more along with old age in the end of my life.
I wish life really went very fast. It's been very slow for me.
I don't even have a method to ctb as i live with my family who know that i wish to ctb. So there's not much i can do to ctb.
The only option i have at the moment is to wait for the right time. I'm sure I'll CTB in life, I'll not wait 36 more years to suffer. That's why i have decided not to get married. So i don't have anyone's responsibility, so i don't leave anyone behind when i ctb.

That's pretty much the same for me. I am 24. People don't die even at 70s now. Unless it is some sort of accident or some ailments.
I don't really take care of my health and suffer from a chronic ailment too. Even then, I think I will not die of natural causes until I reach 70+. Life is already hard at 24. Since 10 years of age, I felt some unexplainable dissatisfaction in life and it has only grown with age ( That was the age I got diagnosed with the chronic ailment). I can't feel joy at all. It's not that I want to be happy all the time. But a human should be able to feel happy from time to time. But I can't ever feel happy. I laugh and smile according to the social situation so that I appear normal and happy. But I am sick of pretending now.
I can't imagine living like this for 50+ years. I have always known I would CTB. So, I didn't feel any sort of desire to marry. If my circumstances were different, I would have thought about that too.
But I am way too nihilistic and pessimistic now and my situation won't change nor I have the patience or resources to make it change. So, I will CTB this year. I should have died at 19. This life is so hard. It only gets worse for me.

 

[Motoko]

I'm 36 right now and if we assume for easy calculation that I'll die at 72. So, i have 36 more years to suffer and i find that it's too much. These 36 years have made me crazy, how will i handle 36 more along with old age in the end of my life.

Yea, I also don't like that perspective. It's more like a coping and seeing it as a "plan Z" (after plan A, B, etc.). I am 32 and I don't know if I will have that much patience in me. I know it's coping, but sometimes I look at it this way: I am already 32, even if it felt like it took a long time to get to be 32, it has already happened. So in a way, it was actually fast (even if it felt slow) - because it's already "here" and "now". Now, all I have to do (if I fail at ctb), is to wait one more long turn like this, and I will be close to the finish line. I know it's a twisted logic and funny coping, but it is what it is, I guess.

 

[ctb_warrior]

Yea, I also don't like that perspective. It's more like a coping and seeing it as a "plan Z" (after plan A, B, etc.). I am 32 and I don't know if I will have that much patience in me. I know it's coping, but sometimes I look at it this way: I am already 32, even if it felt like it took a long time to get to be 32, it has already happened. So in a way, it was actually fast (even if it felt slow) - because it's already "here" and "now". Now, all I have to do (if I fail at ctb), is to wait one more long turn like this, and I will be close to the finish line. I know it's a twisted logic and funny coping, but it is what it is, I guess.

Yeah that's an interesting way to look at it. Not a bad idea. In that case, you can use things like hypnosis, nlp and affirmations to improve the quality of life and your perception about it