suicide note feedback

[Ghostly]

Hey it's me sorry it had to come to this i couldn't take this life anymore i know you may feel like you could have done more to save me somehow but i truly believe that i could not be helped as all the medication i took seemed to stop working after awhile and no matter what i was on {in terms of meds} it just didn't seem to work after awhile all the therapy i went too seemed to fail since most of the ones i saw were just awful but even the good only eased the pain a little and maybe it is my fault as i maybe i didn't work hard enough if your reading this which i doubt anyone is you probably feel very angry, regretful, depressed, or you may feel like you could've done more but i am here to tell you in my words this was my choice and there wasn't much to do as to prevent my suicide i deeply apologize for any inconvenience this causes especially you mom I'm so sorry I hope you aren't angry at me now. Dad I know you wanted the best for me but I couldn't follow through and I'm sorry I really am.

Everyone always seemed to leave me, lose interest, or just grow to hate me that really broke me inside every time and it would happen pretty much without fail sometimes it would come quicker than expected sometimes slower but i always knew one day the person in question would just ignore me one day and then leave out of the blue.
The voices and hallucinations always came back no matter the medication I was taking. It was terrible. The paranoia, delusions, and hallucinations both auditory and visual made me feel very scared and anxious. I hated it!

I feel like i gave off enough warning signs at one point when i actually cared about and had a good positive outlook on getting help but my warning signs were overlooked, joked about, ridiculed, or i was seen as a manipulative toxic attention seeker

The sexual absue kind of kick started from a young age all these issues i feel i felt like that is what started it all i mean all that sexual abuse over the years has got to do something?! Right?

The bullying also played a huge role in this outcome of my suicide as i am such a weak ass pussy that the words and things they did espeically in middle school really hurt me and finally made me reliaze how cruel the world really is.

If someone finds me i doubt my family will and it will be the police instead oh well just shows how meaningless my life was and anyways i would like a funeral for my family

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are suffering so much. It sounds like you have been through a lot, life is just so cruel. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[BobMorane]

I only experienced auditory hallucinations once and it was scary as hell. I can't imagine having to pull up with this 24/7. Sorry this happened to you :/

 

[ItsTimeToExit]

Apart from some spelling and grammar errors, you are onto something beautiful here.

Your first paragraph is trying to alleviate guilt and responsibility but the letter then immediately swaps over to the mentioning of sexual abuse and bullying (which I am sorry you had to experience) and this is going to trigger a lot of uncertainty for the leftovers.

I am not suggesting that you omit this from your note, its your note and you must write what your heart desires. Perhaps you can consider the sandwich method? This is where you have three layers to your note. The first layer is kind, the second layer has criticisms, and the third layer is kind again.

EG:
Layer 1: You were great parents etc.. etc..
Layer 2: The sexual abuse and bullying was too much for me etc... etc...
Layer 3: This is my decision and I'm happy with my choice. I love you all etc.. etc..

as i am such a weak ass pussy

Consider dropping the self deprecation.

 

[toforigivelife]

The first draft of your note may leave more questions than answers and might leave feelings of guilt in its wake.

You have to write your note in a way that doesn't leave room for:

"Maybe if I had tried harder to help this person" or "If only things were different for this person".

Thoughts like this can torment those you leave behind after your passing.

I understand the factors that have driven you to suicide but do not mention the terrible treatment and bullying you've been subjected to - this will just create more pain for them and leave them with guilt and rage against those who've hurt you, rage they'll never resolve or do anything about.

You don't want that.

You have to make it clear that this was your choice.

Clearly and emphatically state that this was no one's fault.

And be truthful, make it clear that you are simply not well enough to go on any longer.

And while you understand that they will grieve your passing that this was truly the best choice for you, that you do not want them be devastated by your passing and that if they want to honor your memory that they will accept and make peace with your choice, respect your personal decision and go on to live the best life that they can possibly live.

I hope this helps.