i'm tired of feeling like an utter failure of a human being. this constant feeling of being broken, inferior, less than others that was instilled in me from a very young age and a lifetime of being an "invisible person". right now, as my suffering is ignored by people closest to me, my demise seems imminent. unavoidable. predetermined. there is absolutely no reason why i should stick around. my entire mental health support system, which was always tiny, is fully gone and there isn't a reasonable way for me to rebuild it.
i understand that in the state that i am, im probably the most unattractive ive ever been. all i want to talk about is how unbearable this suffering is, and nobody wants to hear that, especially if their lives aren't great too. so they leave, and im left with nothing at all. this is the cruel reality of this world. when you are at your most vulnerable, nobody will be there to weather the storm together, but when your problems aren't this overwhelming, everyone wants to feel like a savior. it's so unfair.
i wanted to wait till my next birthday to get my method but i might just do it earlier with everything coming at me daily.
i understand that in the state that i am, im probably the most unattractive ive ever been. all i want to talk about is how unbearable this suffering is, and nobody wants to hear that, especially if their lives aren't great too. so they leave, and im left with nothing at all. this is the cruel reality of this world. when you are at your most vulnerable, nobody will be there to weather the storm together, but when your problems aren't this overwhelming, everyone wants to feel like a savior. it's so unfair.
i wanted to wait till my next birthday to get my method but i might just do it earlier with everything coming at me daily.
