Venting Suicide is the inevitable end for me

[m3nhera]

Hi everyone. I don't really care if this is seen as attention seeking, yes I am seeking pity so what? The only reason this bullshit even happens to me is because I don't get any at home.
Long story short I was abused again today(physically, well mentally too but that one is all the time)

Like heavily, which made me remember despite all the temporary distractions and joys of life, this is why suicide is the only true ending for me. These problems aren't temporary and I will just continue to suffer if I don't end things early.

I didn't want it to be this way, this might sound ridiculous due to my entire account but I'm actually a really joyful bubbly person inside. Like one of those severely depressed people with a personality that's the opposite lol. So despite it all I really didn't want things to come to this, but I have no choice. Currently brainstorming methods. Will probably make another post about this, open to suggestions.

I'm an adult who still gets beat up by their parents, how pathetic. And I'm typing on my computer because they took my phone. I never feel like a real adult because other adults have freedom. I still feel like a powerless little girl. The day I turned 18 nothing changed, and when I turn 19 things will still be the same.

I'm done with this and I'm going to end it all eventually. Hopefully.

Anyways if anyone cares let me know because it actually does mean a lot. I feel so alone.

I'm going to miss my bf and my hobbies and honestly even my coworkers because I really like them and my job(I know, rare) and they've been nothing but kind to me. It actually gave me something to look forward to in the morning.

I'm going to miss dressing up and the future I could've had and buying one of those cute pink cars and moving out, and the woman I could've become if I didn't let this get to me. But I surrender now. Also I ordered food and never got to check if it arrived due to my mom barging in and stealing my phone and punching the shit out of me. It's probably outside the door right now, and I'll never go check because I'm too depressed to leave the bed. It's probably cold by now. It was meant to get here an hour ago.

I have work tomorrow. Hopefully I get my phone back by then. I know being controlled by my parents at this age is pathetic but only abused people could ever understand.

Someone please tell me they understand or care or anything. I need someone to care and I can't talk to my bf rn for obvious reasons, they'd get notifs if I use insta on my computer.

 

[fluorescentpearl]

Honestly I understand how it feels to be supposedly an adult and still get treated by your family as the same useless abuse-puppet you were as a kid, it's extremely frustrating and when you don't have a way out and only live w them and get support from them it's especially hard..
As for the food, maybe you could bring it in and hide it? Heat it up when you feel a bit more stable <3

 

[m3nhera]

Honestly I understand how it feels to be supposedly an adult and still get treated by your family as the same useless abuse-puppet you were as a kid, it's extremely frustrating and when you don't have a way out and only live w them and get support from them it's especially hard..
As for the food, maybe you could bring it in and hide it? Heat it up when you feel a bit more stable <3

I'm so hungry but I can't get out of bed. I planned to have a wonderful lunch before they ruined everything. I can't believe the food I spent my own money on has gone cold over this. I could've had it fresh. I hate my life lol.

 

[fluorescentpearl]

I'm so hungry but I can't get out of bed. I planned to have a wonderful lunch before they ruined everything. I can't believe the food I spent my own money on has gone cold over this. I could've had it fresh. I hate my life lol.

I understand : ( what were you gonna eat? I wonder if you could have it heated later, it's your choice regardless..
You sound like a lovely person, honestly, I'll never be able to get over how this world js shits on kind people

 

[whorror]

Hi, I know what you are going through. I was beaten up by my parents well after I turned 18, with a broom. They would also take my phone and turn off my Wi-Fi, and threaten me that they had put something there so they would know if I turned it on again. All just to terrorize me. This is also one of the reasons why I was diagnosed with PTSD.

So I get where you are coming from.

Isn't there any chance for you to move out? I did that at 23. I couldn't live there anymore.

 

[m3nhera]

I understand : ( what were you gonna eat? I wonder if you could have it heated later, it's your choice regardless..
You sound like a lovely person, honestly, I'll never be able to get over how this world js shits on kind people

I'd mention the restaurant but I think it's too local lol maybe even naming the foods gives it away so I'll stay vague about some. I could've had some tempura chicken and like sushi and stuff it would be really crunchy. Thank you. Some people are just evil.(parents)

Hi, I know what you are going through. I was beaten up by my parents well after I turned 18, with a broom. They would also take my phone and turn off my Wi-Fi, and threaten me that they had put something there so they would know if I turned it on again. All just to terrorize me. This is also one of the reasons why I was diagnosed with PTSD.

So I get where you are coming from.

Isn't there any chance for you to move out? I did that at 23. I couldn't live there anymore.

I'm really sorry, thank you for making me feel less alone. I feel like no one else our age understands "but you're an adult now, they can't do that" they can and they will.
I can't move out until I save enough money so I need to work but they keep trying to mess with my work too. I know if I leave early I'll just end up with debt and suffer which is what they want but then if I stay and suffer, it's what they want too. But emotions aside staying at home until I graduate college is just financially smarter for my situation. I know what I'm signing up for.

My mom harassed me today making me tell her all the money I make and spend yk they're always in my business. She got so pissed bc I called her a pocketwatcher LMAO. She also recorded me while I was crying and tried to make me sound crazy while she kept shoving me but there's no proof bc it's just audio so now I sound crazy. Whatever this doesn't matter I'm going to end it at some point.

This is unfortunately what I have to do. I can't live here anymore either, that's why I hope I'm able to ctb sooner so none of this matters anymore. It's a shame though things were really looking up for me. :(

 

[whorror]

I'd mention the restaurant but I think it's too local lol maybe even naming the foods gives it away so I'll stay vague about some. I could've had some tempura chicken and like sushi and stuff it would be really crunchy. Thank you. Some people are just evil.(parents)

I'm really sorry, thank you for making me feel less alone. I feel like no one else our age understands "but you're an adult now, they can't do that" they can and they will.
I can't move out until I save enough money so I need to work but they keep trying to mess with my work too. I know if I leave early I'll just end up with debt and suffer which is what they want but then if I stay and suffer, it's what they want too. But emotions aside staying at home until I graduate college is just financially smarter for my situation. I know what I'm signing up for.

My mom harassed me today making me tell her all the money I make and spend yk they're always in my business. She got so pissed bc I called her a pocketwatcher LMAO. She also recorded me while I was crying and tried to make me sound crazy while she kept shoving me but there's no proof bc it's just audio so now I sound crazy. Whatever this doesn't matter I'm going to end it at some point.

This is unfortunately what I have to do. I can't live here anymore either, that's why I hope I'm able to ctb sooner so none of this matters anymore. It's a shame though things were really looking up for me. :(

I'm so sorry. Your mom is quite similar to mine. She also recorded me after stealing my cat from my apartment. I was angry, obviously, and she just stood there filming me. As much as it makes me sad, I find a little confort in the fact that someone understands what is like to go through this.

Whatever you choose to do, I just hope you'll find a well deserved peace, be it in this lifetime or tne next.

 

[m3nhera]

I'm so sorry. Your mom is quite similar to mine. She also recorded me after stealing my cat from my apartment. I was angry, obviously, and she just stood there filming me. As much as it makes me sad, I find a little confort in the fact that someone understands what is like to go through this.

Whatever you choose to do, I just hope you'll find a well deserved peace, be it in this lifetime or tne next.

I hope you find peace too. I don't understand why our parents are so cruel. Sometimes I wonder if suicide is always of free will and personal choice if it's other people pushing us towards it. I think there's a lot of gray area.

 

[ctb_warrior]

I hope you find peace too. I don't understand why our parents are so cruel. Sometimes I wonder if suicide is always of free will and personal choice if it's other people pushing us towards it. I think there's a lot of gray area.

Most often, none of us wants to die.. But ppl and situations push us in that direction.. And most often, it's the immediate ppl that surround us push us into the abyss

 

[Off_Switch]

Death is the inevitable end for all us. We might as well take advantage of the cheat code that allows us to bypass the suffering.

 

[m3nhera]

Death is the inevitable end for all us. We might as well take advantage of the cheat code that allows us to bypass the suffering.

There is no true cheat code, at least not for most of us. There's always some sort of trade-off. If euthanasia was legal everywhere and more accessible then I'd agree it's a way to bypass suffering, but I don't consider someone having to take matters into their own hands the same thing. The drastic measures people take simply because the painless way out isn't accessible is heartbreaking.

 

[pk@2001]

I'm really sorry for what you're going through
We all have been left behind by our own loved ones as well as the society.....
Well I still hope that you're too young and can surely move out of the mess for your own freedom...
Wishing you luck and of course for most of us existence is itself a curse..
But we need to fight through to earn our freedom and to know the very essence of our life...

Have a good day op

 

[Nothing.]

I'm sorry that you are going through so much. I hope that if you get enough money that you can move out. Because legally there isn't much that your parents can do to you after you move out and if you have financial independence. And putting some distance between you hopefully can lessen the chances of physical abuse. If you have the possibility to graduate, move out, and finally live life without them shouldn't you just try to give it a chance? I can't say I know your situation as much as you nor all the pain you are going through. But somehow you've managed to put up with these monsters for 19 years. Just a few more years and you can be free. If you have a car or somewhere you can walk to or a friends house you can just try to put some distance from your parents. All you have to do is survive and hopefully your pink car, bf, and all that you want to do is something within your reach even if it doesn't feel like it. Suicide is permanent and you would be ending any possibility to live out the life you wanted. Even if it's out of spite of your parents and to prove to them that you can make it or outlast them I beg you to try to keep going. At least to see what life is like without them. It seems like you have the capability to blossom, you just have to weather this horrible storm.

You are by no means pathetic! What is pathetic is parents who physically abuse their children! What you are doing by calling yourself pathetic is letting them win and re-victimizing yourself. They want you to feel pathetic, like you have no future, and that you can never live on your own. But this is far from the truth. They abuse you because they want to reinforce this narrative and to beat out any glimpse of hope or the truth. You didn't choose to endure the pain. You didn't choose this family. So don't blame yourself. Blame the people who are the causers of your pain. And instead of giving into your own blame, do something about it by working to break free finally. Once you get out do no contact or whatever it takes for you to start healing on your own. Do we blame rape victims for their rape? No we blame the rapists! Maybe they defended themselves well or maybe they did it poorly. But does it matter at the end of the day? What matters is someone evil chose to inflict immense pain on them. What matters is they are suffering because of some else's evil. You can survive this!


Please do message me if you want. I'll try to answer when I can. Sadly today I will only be on just a little more, because I got something important to go do.

 

[Off_Switch]

There is no true cheat code, at least not for most of us. There's always some sort of trade-off. If euthanasia was legal everywhere and more accessible then I'd agree it's a way to bypass suffering, but I don't consider someone having to take matters into their own hands the same thing. The drastic measures people take simply because the painless way out isn't accessible is heartbreaking.

Fent OD is the closest thing we have to euthanasia under general anesthesia. Finding it is somewhat of an obstacle, but definitely not impossible.

 

[m3nhera]

I'm sorry that you are going through so much. I hope that if you get enough money that you can move out. Because legally there isn't much that your parents can do to you after you move out and if you have financial independence. And putting some distance between you hopefully can lessen the chances of physical abuse. If you have the possibility to graduate, move out, and finally live life without them shouldn't you just try to give it a chance? I can't say I know your situation as much as you nor all the pain you are going through. But somehow you've managed to put up with these monsters for 19 years. Just a few more years and you can be free. If you have a car or somewhere you can walk to or a friends house you can just try to put some distance from your parents. All you have to do is survive and hopefully your pink car, bf, and all that you want to do is something within your reach even if it doesn't feel like it. Suicide is permanent and you would be ending any possibility to live out the life you wanted. Even if it's out of spite of your parents and to prove to them that you can make it or outlast them I beg you to try to keep going. At least to see what life is like without them. It seems like you have the capability to blossom, you just have to weather this horrible storm.

You are by no means pathetic! What is pathetic is parents who physically abuse their children! What you are doing by calling yourself pathetic is letting them win and re-victimizing yourself. They want you to feel pathetic, like you have no future, and that you can never live on your own. But this is far from the truth. They abuse you because they want to reinforce this narrative and to beat out any glimpse of hope or the truth. You didn't choose to endure the pain. You didn't choose this family. So don't blame yourself. Blame the people who are the causers of your pain. And instead of giving into your own blame, do something about it by working to break free finally. Once you get out do no contact or whatever it takes for you to start healing on your own. Do we blame rape victims for their rape? No we blame the rapists! Maybe they defended themselves well or maybe they did it poorly. But does it matter at the end of the day? What matters is someone evil chose to inflict immense pain on them. What matters is they are suffering because of some else's evil. You can survive this!


Please do message me if you want. I'll try to answer when I can. Sadly today I will only be on just a little more, because I got something important to go do.

Hey I just saw this, thank you so much. Your response actually made me cry, maybe I'll provide a more thoughtful response later but I've been tired from parents and work and college bullshit even though this semester hasn't started yet.