Venting Suicide is my great comfort.

[Vivir_O_No]

'The thought of suicide is a great consolation: by means of it one gets through many a dark night.' -Nietzsche

I hate life. The comfort it gives me to know that if things get too hard I can kill myself, ironically gives me the strength to keep on living. But at the same time, I confess: I HATE LIFE. How can people say that something as cruel, hellish, and brutal as life is beautiful? You know what might be beautiful? Science, art, philosophy, music, dance, whatever you like has the possibility of making this cruel existence beautiful, but this cruel existence is not beautiful by itself. That saying that 'Life is cruel, but beautiful' is absolute bullshit. Observe here how humans try to cope with the cruelty of life by justifying it as some sort of 'beautifulness' which of course doesn't make any sense.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAnyways, back to the main point. My health problems have made my life a fucking hell, but I also have dreams that I'd like to achieve, so I feel trapped between killing myself and living, but the fact that I can kill myself is what has allowed me to fight through all of this bullshit. It makes me feel free, it gives me some sort of power over myself. But, it everything goes wrong , at least before taking my life, I can say to myself: 'AT LEAST I FUCKING TRIED, SO NOW I FINALLY REST IN PEACE FOREVER! NO REGRETS!'

 

[strangelife]

Your thoughts are very similar to mine. I am also struggling with the disease, and the thought of the possibility of ctb reassures me that there is an opportunity to stop suffering, and when all attempts to cure are exhausted, there is a way out. It's very hard to endure suffering and pain, I really understand you

 

[PlathWannaBe]

I really feel this.

When I was in a clinic for my bad anxiety and depression, I talked to the psychologist about my strong suicidal thoughts.

She told me as long as I use suicide in my thoughts as a sort of "emergency exit", this will block me in my growth and development.

But I also have health problems as well as other issues, and the thought of suicide is the only thing that keeps me going sometimes, it's the only thing that gives me agency over when I get to decide to leave this life.

She doesn't see the pain and bullshit I have to put up with every day. Fuck her. I really get you on this.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand why you'd feel relieved at having access to a suicide method you feel confident in, I wish you the best, I also really hate this cruel and hellish existence where there's no limit as to how much one can suffer.

 

[lifewasawillowtv]

I resonate with everything you've said. Especially how the thought of suicide ironically gives you the will to keep on living, I've been experiencing that feeling for a long time and thought it was just me who feels that way. It's such a paradox but it's true.

 

[Echo]

The comfort it gives me to know that if things get too hard I can kill myself, ironically gives me the strength to keep on living.

Very relatable. It's like a get out clause.

 

[Malaria]

That Nietzsche quote pretty much describes my sentiments exactly. It's comforting to know that no matter how much pain I'm in, all this can be over with just one act, and then I'll be free.