suicide diary 6/24/25

[misanthropemurder]

last night i had a horrible dream. i was hiding in a bunker with my family, bracing for the imapct of a nuclear bomb. its so vivid in my brain, it was a 'tsar bomba' the largest nuclear weapon. it would destroy all three cities surrounding me, leaving the rest of the bay in nuclear fallout.

i got an alert on my phone, counting down the seconds till impact. it was at that moment i remembered what i had been learning for the last couple months (irl). i left my mouth open, and lay flat on the floor. i remember saying "i don't want to die, i don't want to die"

that's where my dream ended. i woke up with soft tears rolling down my face, my quiet pleads still hanging off the edge of my tounge.

it made me think. do i really want to die? what would the aftermath of my prior suicide attempt have been? i wouldn't have known i got into my dream school. its small things like this that can change someone's life. i hate dreaming. and maybe even worse, this has unlocked a closed off part of my life. i used to have really bad "headline anxiety" always anxious about war, natural disasters, shootouts ect. i have a feeling that this dream is going to swell into full blown obsession, just like last time.

i know this post was long, sorry.

but this experience was abnormal, and i wanted to share it with the amazing community that is this website. thanks everyone for reading :)

 

[EmptyBottle]

Thanks for sharing your dream. I have got a few dreams inspired by SaSu, some were just me using the forum, and one even featured someone reply a clever comment "Don't fall on the horn" in response to an 'argon in car' thread I read before napping that afternoon.

 

[Kanoh]

I wouldn't want to die with the horror of an imminent nuke dropping down near me. Terrible way to go. But still, I know I want to die just in a more peaceful manner, on my own terms and at the right moment when I'm ready. I wish you stopped being suicidal of course, but maybe what you feel is more about not wanting to die in a specific manner like the one you dreamt of.

 

[Doll Steak]

I remember this one dream a while back, after a series of event I don't want to elaborate on right now, I was crying in my parents shoulder after I Impulsively hurt someone. I kept sobbing asking If I was going to jail for what I did, and then I woke up feeling traumatized and anxious for a couple hours, the brain is so fucking weird.