suicide as heroic act of self sacrifice

[egyptian_baddie]

do you ever feel like you are not going to change the world so why live? why live more and increase your carbon foot print or that you are taking resources away from people who actually deserve it? like its a selfish act to be alive. I am not a billionaire and I live in a third world country so there is no way possible for me to change anything for the better. plus being gay and going against societal norms, like why am I even alive

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yes, I do feel like this. My job isn't particularly kind to the environment with all the waste it generates. (Creative job, unnatural materials.) There's only so much I can do to limit that. And, I've hated all other jobs even more. In fact- every job I've done has been wasteful. Retail generated waste. So did healthcare.

Just living and being a consumer creates so much waste too. I'm sure the environment will benefit in some small way from my death.

There again- the damage doesn't feel quite as real as the emotional damage I believe my suicide would do to my Dad. So for now- I feel stuck here.

Plus, I don't feel terribly guilty because I didn't chose to come here and be forced to participate. And, I haven't left offspring to continue the damage. It's part of the reason I think it would be good to go though- certainly.

 

[Chocomel]

At first when I read your title I thought the post is gonna be about how you save someone heroically, like in movies. But then I read your post and you mean it in different way of "saving" someone. This world -1 human in my opinion doesn't really change much. A lot of people die everyday and we barely even feel the difference in resources, stocks, foods, heck even jobs. This world is overcrowded that a single human being erased from it doesn't matter that much logistically.

 

[LoafofBread]

The first time I wrote a suicide note, back when I was 14, I wrote a big paragraph talking abt how everyone should be happy I killed myself bc it's good for the environment.

After writing it all out I thought "people are either gonna be convinced and wanna kill themselves too, or, more likely, they'll just think I'm fucking mental and still be sad."

Idk if thats logical or not, maybe theres a middle ground, but I gave up on the idea of immediately catching the bus at that time.

 

[dearlydeparted44]

I'm a weirdo. I feel like life isn't something to be "deserved." No one even asks for life. It's imposed on people, and then they're conditioned and programmed to view it as "precious." To see it's few, fleeting moments of joy as being worth the automatic and abundant misery that it freely offers.

Furthermore, humans PAY to exist. They destroy each other and their own biosphere. The love they have to offer is conditional, transactional, and fleeting, at best. If we're calling that something to be deserved, this place truly IS hell. Also, for me, catching the bus will be MY personal triumph. I'm escaping this place. I've had ups and downs, but I ultimately see life as some kind of cruel game where those endowed with souls are sucked dry by who/whatever designed this hellscape. Nothing here is worth staying for. But, that's just my perspective. Everyone has their reason to ctb.

In the right situation, I do see it as absolutely noble and brave.

 

[egyptian_baddie]

This world is overcrowded

is it really overcrowded , or is it unequal distribution of resources ?

the emotional damage

same I would feel so bad for my parents , don't wanna cause any suffering to them or to anyone , but a dead son is better than a failed one

back when I was 14

I am sorry life was cruel to you at such young age

this place truly IS hell

I sometimes like to think that this life is hell really and that I am being punished for something that I have no memory of doing, maybe I am becoming crazy

 

[SoLowHollow48]

Succumbing to the status quo is what it is. I'm sorry but someone should bar me from this forum entirely. I'm tweaking real bad at posts like this. I should just shut up but I'll be giving up my thoughts and I've done enough of that irl.

You are not a hero when you die. Not a selfless one too at that.

You want to be a hero? Be another cog in the machine so things work. Be that employee of the month. Be that friend who's there to listen and give good (and bad advices). Be that son, that brother, that cousin who has all the cool stories and niche hobbies--the person who breaks their back for those they love.

Whatever. My thoughts (feelings) don't matter at the end of the day. I probably sound like a psych ward patient rn.

Good day.

 

[egyptian_baddie]

I'm tweaking real bad at posts like this.

I am sorry

Whatever. My thoughts (feelings) don't matter at the end of the day. I probably sound like a psych ward patient rn.

no no they really matter and thank you for taking the time and effort to share

 

[thehorizons]

I know it is. Recently, I've been stricken with a couple of illnesses. I'm in my early 30s and living with my folks again because of this. They're great people and can support me, but I know that this isn't sustainable since my parents are getting older each day and we currently have another family member that is terminally ill. It would absolutely crush them if I was gone, especially my mother. That said, logically speaking, I know it's for the best if I'll be gone soon.

I guess maybe I'm being selfish too since I'll be doing this for me but my life was recently stolen from me, and deep down if I could CTB (if I could hopefully find a way) would allow me to reclaim my agency.

It's sad that I didn't think like this before I was sick, I really had a lot of dreams and hopes that seemed materially possible.

 

[egyptian_baddie]

I know it is. Recently, I've been stricken with a couple of illnesses. I'm in my early 30s and living with my folks again because of this. They're great people and can support me, but I know that this isn't sustainable since my parents are getting older each day and we currently have another family member that is terminally ill. It would absolutely crush them if I was gone, especially my mother. That said, logically speaking, I know it's for the best if I'll be gone soon.

I guess maybe I'm being selfish too since I'll be doing this for me but my life was recently stolen from me, and deep down if I could CTB (if I could hopefully find a way) would allow me to reclaim my agency.

It's sad that I didn't think like this before I was sick, I really had a lot of dreams and hopes that seemed materially possible.

get well soon , I am sorry you are going through this

 

[Chocomel]

You want to be a hero? Be another cog in the machine so things work. Be that employee of the month. Be that friend who's there to listen and give good (and bad advices). Be that son, that brother, that cousin who has all the cool stories and niche hobbies--the person who breaks their back for those they love.

Always hate how humanity works like these. Like you need to be something to even be somewhat remembered or mattered.

is it really overcrowded , or is it unequal distribution of resources ?

I think both is true honestly

 

[egyptian_baddie]

I think both is true honestly

soon will come a day where humanity will be okay with trillionaires , saying they earned it while the rest of society will be in deep famine. I hope I dont live to see that day

 

[thehorizons]

get well soon , I am sorry you are going through this

Thanks. I know that we have different experiences, but I hope you'll find your peace as well.