Story Suicide and Significant Others (story/question)

[PlasticFace]

I already know that there's a discourse about suicide hurting people you love. I'm just wondering how other people really feel about this.

My best friend died when I was a teen. He overdosed and yes, I was hurt for a very long time. But I know that he was also hurting. Do I wish I could still see him and talk to him? Of course, I do every day. I was never mad at him though. Other people (specifically pro-lifers) seem to have a very hostile look at suicide. They call it selfish like we want to save ourselves without any care for anyone else. Some people who CTB do think that way and honestly, there's nothing that can be done about it so I don't think being mad and upset with them will help anything.

I specifically made this thread about s/o's because every girlfriend I've had has treated me like I'm doing something wrong or that I'm hurting her for being depressed. I dated this girl for a couple of years. She knew everything that happened to me and she treated me great. She knew that I was depressed, suicidal, and cutting, but she still loved me, as it should always be. I got off work and as soon as I stepped out of my office, she ran up to me and started crying. I had no idea what was going on so I just held her for a bit and waited for her to start talking. She told me that I was making her suffer through my depression with her because she was scared that someday she would wake up to me, dead. I was so caught off guard and taken aback that it rendered me speechless and I guess she took that as me agreeing with her because she pushed me away and locked herself in our bedroom. I tried to leave her alone for a bit and cook dinner for us like I always did after work but she never came out, texted, or called, and I never heard the TV or radio turn on. I knocked on the door, once again, and told her that I had dinner ready and we could talk over it if she wanted but she just yelled through the door that she was too scared. What was I supposed to do?? I left her alone again and started writing a text to her since she obviously didn't want to see me. I've gotten used to the scary comments but it's different when it's coming from someone who's known you for so long and promised to love you.

My last girlfriend was the total opposite of the one above. She wanted me to tell her about my feelings every time I was feeling them. She wanted to hold me and comfort me. She even offered to do all of the cooking and cleaning, telling me to "rest". It was really overwhelming and felt like she was smothering me. All I wanted was to be treated like a normal guy, not a helpless baby. This relationship didn't last very long because the coddling was insane and she started to act motherly to me. Creepy as hell!

Can anyone else relate to this? Why does it feel like suicidals are doomed to have no lovers? Just because we're sad, we don't deserve someone to care about us? Bullshit!

 

[Valky]

I know I am 2 months late to the party but maybe someone in a similar Situation will still read this.

I don't think we are doomed to not be loved.
Honestly, I can't blame them, they are suffering too. Mental illness is not only hard for the individual but also for their surrounding.

Of course they are not experiencing the same pain that we do but they are still hurting with us and mostly, for us. We often feel helpless and don't know what to do but so do they.
They know that they are expected to be there for someone and offer them stability while being exhausted by the pain of not being able to heal that person. And just like we have breakdowns, they do too.

Of course it is unfair for us because we didn't choose to suffer but neither did they. I understand your pain but we also need to try to understand theirs.

It takes a lot to make it through depression for us and for them. It is sad to see them leave because they can't handle the pain anymore but to be honest, if we could step out of our suffering, we would too. Sadly, that option is suicide for some but it is not the only option and it is important to remember that.

I wish you and everyone else in a similar situation all the Best. It is not your fault that you are suffering. Hang in there <3