Story "Suicidal people don't want to end their life, they want to end their pain"

[Emily123]

i just want to end my pains

 

[HoolioCoolio]

@watereyes hey man you always were a pleasure to talk to in chat, I hope peace and tranquility are what meet you. at a closing of a door a window opens its up tp you to decide to jump out of it.

 

[watereyes]

i just want to end my pains

now lemme be immature for a sec, i thought you wrote 'I just want to end my penis'

But hugs anyway and thanks for the chuckle!

 

[smile mask]

I can't express how happy it makes me to be able to read this, they always tell me that I'm just looking to annoy with my suicidal comments, sometimes I wondered if I was really running away from my problems, but as much as I try one more day, every time I feel more tired of living, I understand you, I just want you to ending my life, there is no particular reason, I have no desire to live, no dreams, no
aspirations for the future, unfortunately I do not know a good method to commit suicide, since I am still living, but perhaps it will result in you, cutting your veins, hanging you, drown, let the meter crush you, inhale excess carbon dioxide, combine clorine and bleach, Swallowing rat poison, jumping from a tall building, setting fire to a closed place with you inside, overdose of sleeping pills, or going to an extremely cold place to die frozen
There are many ways but for certain circumstances I can never make it, I hope you get what you want, good luck

 

[watereyes]

I can't express how happy it makes me to be able to read this, they always tell me that I'm just looking to annoy with my suicidal comments, sometimes I wondered if I was really running away from my problems, but as much as I try one more day, every time I feel more tired of living, I understand you, I just want you to ending my life, there is no particular reason, I have no desire to live, no dreams, no
aspirations for the future, unfortunately I do not know a good method to commit suicide, since I am still living, but perhaps it will result in you, cutting your veins, hanging you, drown, let the meter crush you, inhale excess carbon dioxide, combine clorine and bleach, Swallowing rat poison, jumping from a tall building, setting fire to a closed place with you inside, overdose of sleeping pills, or going to an extremely cold place to die frozen
There are many ways but for certain circumstances I can never make it, I hope you get what you want, good luck

Got my SN... im hoping for a peaceful exit

 

[Justinian]

Life itself is pain.

 

[TAW122]

This quote applies to everyone. You don't think it does because you haven't been with out "pain".

Not even 1% of people who want to CRB would want to if their demands/wishes were true.

If you could get rid of every flawed trait, be rich, and not have to worry about the pain coming back, you would not want to CTB.

Everyone saying they would still want to are simply blinded due to the immense depression, anxiety, and fear of the future.

Everyone has things that would prevent them from CTB if it were possible.

How many of any of you "believes" they'd catch the bus if they had a time machine, unlimited money, and a cure for all ailments mental and physical? No one.

I don't fully agree with you, but only partially. Theoretically speaking, I would be inclined to live a long, pleasurable life. However, one day I'd still get bored of existence itself and would want to CTB rather than living indefinitely or becoming immortal.

@thrw_a_way1221221 I agree about r/suicidewatch. I've posted there before and have only heard the same shitty platitudes that I would hear irl. I don't know what I expected lol.

I really do want to end my life. There's no reason for me to be here. I suppose you could look at my stupid job and say "But you help other suicidal people"...but in reality it's an entry level job that anyone could do. I've hated life for as long as I can remember. Even when I worked hard to change myself and my circumstances...

Recently my parents have asked me about my goals or dreams since I graduated last year and dropped the big opportunity that I had. I felt so stupid admitting that I have none. I don't want to do anything. Life is just a huge strain and it's not worth it to me. I've never really wanted to do anything in life. Just been going thru the motions, hoping that "fake it til ya make it" would work and I'd find a passion. I really, really tried to explore options and pushed myself so hard. But nope. Still stuck.

I think it's anhedonia, to be honest. Anhedonia is awful and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

Regardless of the reason, I will likely be homeless by the end of the year. I have nowhere to go and I literally cannot afford to move out because my job pays so little. My parents want me to be making progress - and this sounds horribly dramatic, but it makes me so upset and I just feel even more worthless. I feel like it's too much to expect from me.

I really wish I was brave enough to book a hotel somewhere and just bloody kill myself already. I have what I need, what the hell is the hold-up? It makes me feel even worse because it's just another thing I can't commit to.

This turned into an awful rant. I'm sorry.

Sorry to hear that your experiences at Reddit's SW subreddit was bad. They are all about suicide prevention rather than pro-choice or even considering other person/individual's suffering. Sadly, they'll say anything that is pro-life, anti-choice, and pretty much have some ironclad view that suicide is never an option. Had I not had this forum to vent, I'd probably go crazy much, much sooner.

 

[AcornUnderground]

Let me disagree. It's reasonable to think that I'm 'blinded' by depression. Calling a state of mind a disorder or a disease creates apathy towards it. They could call me depressed because I got SN and did the bloodtest and all, have had past attempts with other methods, etc. The truth is, I'm not depressed. I get up in the morning and do stuff I enjoy doing (not consuming.) Still, I havent been given a reason to live, or made one up. When I had happier times in my life I've kept a diary, and stated that I still 100% wanted to ctb. To me suicidality and actual depression are two separate things.

This is so interesting to me. I just wonder why, why you still want to be gone. I don't doubt it, I just can't comprehend it.

 

[MaybeSoon]

This quote is true for me. If it wasn't for mental illness I would live life to the full and let nothing hold me back. There's so much I love about it such as, family, friends, nature, science, the universe etc.. sure there's dark sides to it, especially some aspects of humanity.. but there's still a lot to like. I just can't see myself surviving with this mind.

 

[rhiino]

This quote applies to everyone. You don't think it does because you haven't been with out "pain".

Not even 1% of people who want to CRB would want to if their demands/wishes were true.

If you could get rid of every flawed trait, be rich, and not have to worry about the pain coming back, you would not want to CTB.

Everyone saying they would still want to are simply blinded due to the immense depression, anxiety, and fear of the future.

Everyone has things that would prevent them from CTB if it were possible.

How many of any of you "believes" they'd catch the bus if they had a time machine, unlimited money, and a cure for all ailments mental and physical? No one.

You only consider internal problems of the person, but there are external ones, too. If the person is empathic and does not like this world, does not want to live in it because it is awful, then your theory does not apply.

 

[Krash1990]

I 100% disagree with you, but I respect your opinion.

Again, if someone had millions of dollars, was healthy physical and mentally, had a family and S/0 and I talked to them about everything right up until I heard the hi shot over the phone.

The only handful of people that might be considered in this are intellectuals, incredible bright and can see things you can't.

In fact, even thought I'm 100% pro choice) I believe that assisted suicide should be legal...

HOWEVER, there are plenty of people trying to rob you and more in motels.

If all of us wore the same color of nail polish while protesting. That'd need to do better than that. Start making protest sights and walk around the cop who murdered that man..

 

[Darksektori]

Yeah there's alot of truth to that statement I have two favorite quotes concerning this.
"Suicide isn't cowardly, I'll tell you what's cowardly treating someone so bad that they want to end their life"

"Killing oneself is, anyway, a misnomer. We don't kill ourselves. We are simply defeated by the long, hard struggle to stay alive. When somebody dies after a long illness, people are apt to say, with a note of approval, "He fought so hard." And they are inclined to think, about a suicide, that no fight was involved, that somebody simply gave up. This is quite wrong"

 

[HadEnough1974]

Hello,
Now I'm lost. So you might have heard this quote and it may apply to you? Well it doesn't to me. It's been on my mind for so long. I do not want to end my pain, but my life. And I wouldn't live even a 'happy' one. Don't get me wrong I've had happy-ish moments in my life but even then I wanted to ctb so much. This way of thinking is uncommon so I kept a diary and yeah; I was happy but the thing I wanted the most was a quick death 'now'.

Life disgusts me. I do not want to keep going. It's horrible when I wake up in the morning and look at myself and well -if that makes sense- 'feeling' that I'm alive is just so horrible. It's like when you start your old car for the 10000th time to go to work, that kinda feeling. I'm so much better off when I'm sleeping. Being alive just makes me go 'ew'

I feel disrespectful. There are people here who have been through abuse and physical illness among a billion other things and here I am complaining like a kid. Life is not easy for me nor is it for anyone bu some people keep going despite being disadvantaged. If only I could give my healthy body to someone who deserves it.

To an extent it feels off to ctb, but it definitely feels wrong to live. And I just can't deal with this.

All I'm asking for is some insight. I'm not intelligent, I know it. I can't figure this out myself.



I apologize if my english sounds like it was written by a third grader. I'm really not good with words.

Hello,
Now I'm lost. So you might have heard this quote and it may apply to you? Well it doesn't to me. It's been on my mind for so long. I do not want to end my pain, but my life. And I wouldn't live even a 'happy' one. Don't get me wrong I've had happy-ish moments in my life but even then I wanted to ctb so much. This way of thinking is uncommon so I kept a diary and yeah; I was happy but the thing I wanted the most was a quick death 'now'.

Life disgusts me. I do not want to keep going. It's horrible when I wake up in the morning and look at myself and well -if that makes sense- 'feeling' that I'm alive is just so horrible. It's like when you start your old car for the 10000th time to go to work, that kinda feeling. I'm so much better off when I'm sleeping. Being alive just makes me go 'ew'

I feel disrespectful. There are people here who have been through abuse and physical illness among a billion other things and here I am complaining like a kid. Life is not easy for me nor is it for anyone bu some people keep going despite being disadvantaged. If only I could give my healthy body to someone who deserves it.

To an extent it feels off to ctb, but it definitely feels wrong to live. And I just can't deal with this.

All I'm asking for is some insight. I'm not intelligent, I know it. I can't figure this out myself.

I apologize if my english sounds like it was written by a third grader. I'm really not good with words.

Dear friend @watereyes ,

I read your post and this poem came to mind. It was written by a man much wiser than myself. I hope it answers some of your questions:

Then a woman said, Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow.

And he answered:

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.

And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.

And how else can it be?

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.

Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?

And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?

When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."

But I say unto you, they are inseparable.

Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.

Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.

Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.

When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.


@watereyes to paraphrase the poem, life is meant to be difficult and a struggle. We cannot know joy and happiness if we don't know sadness and pain.

Then the question is how to balance the two. I don't know the answer to that.

I understand that your very existence is painful. I get that part. And although you've had happier times, your desire to ctb has always been there, I get that too.

I have a few more things to add to that, but I prefer in private.

Stay well.

 

[watereyes]

I 100% disagree with you, but I respect your opinion.

Again, if someone had millions of dollars, was healthy physical and mentally, had a family and S/0 and I talked to them about everything right up until I heard the hi shot over the phone.

The only handful of people that might be considered in this are intellectuals, incredible bright and can see things you can't.

In fact, even thought I'm 100% pro choice) I believe that assisted suicide should be legal...

HOWEVER, there are plenty of people trying to rob you and more in motels.

If all of us wore the same color of nail polish while protesting. That'd need to do better than that. Start making protest sights and walk around the cop who murdered that man..

Do you have SN that has a concentration as high as your disagreement? thanks :)

Dear friend @watereyes ,

I read your post and this poem came to mind. It was written by a man much wiser than myself. I hope it answers some of your questions:

Then a woman said, Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow.

And he answered:

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.

And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.

And how else can it be?

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.

Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?

And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?

When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

Some of you say, "Joy is greater than sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."

But I say unto you, they are inseparable.

Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.

Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.

Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.

When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.


@watereyes to paraphrase the poem, life is meant to be difficult and a struggle. We cannot know joy and happiness if we don't know sadness and pain.

Then the question is how to balance the two. I don't know the answer to that.

I understand that your very existence is painful. I get that part. And although you've had happier times, your desire to ctb has always been there, I get that too.

I have a few more things to add to that, but I prefer in private.

Stay well.

Okay, this was a bit too fancy for my little french brain so I had to read it a few times. But anyway it depicts the way I think. I totally agree that there is no joy without pain. The issue is that it's not balanced. In my case there is more pain. Because we try to give a meaning to the world, we say that everything happens for a reason but the truth is, it's unfair and doesn't give a shit about us. And I don't want to experience more pain to be 'rewarded' by little happiness that will not even be worth it.

 

[Quarky00]

That quote appears to be true , despite us saying otherwise . Ending the pain includes boredom and meaningless of life . These are types of pain . As someone said "I wouldn't because I know pain will be back" -- of course that is the problem -- but the hypothetical quote/scenario suggest it won't .

Unlike someone suggested , some people's life are okay -- they have a loving family , good health , money , friends , joy , and every reason to live -- but they still want to die . I'm not going into their thought process and the "existential" label , but bottom line they do feel distressed and dissatisfied by life not matter what it gives them . That is a form of pain as well .

Then of course there are the terminally ill , many feel physical pain . But some may not be sick yet , thinking of ending their life before it get worse . That is still within the merits of 'ending the pain' . So yes , it's all about ending some form of potential or perceived pain (and that phrasing doesn't undermine the severe and real intensity of the pain).

It's also not necessarily ending 'all pain altogether' . There will always be something wrong or dissatisfying in life . It's about some significant relief to the most distressing hurtful thing that propels one towards death .

So I think that quote is 99% valid . The 1% are people who have strong inherent urge to commit suicide from a very young age even without a reason , something that is almost compulsive . That is neither a quantitative nor qualitative statement , just a general idea .

I do understand people who say "well that is not pain" or "well I don't have depression" , but one rare old psychiatrist , who had the heart and the time to explain things to me , said that it's all in the same domain : stress is a form of anxiety , being irritated is a form of stress , major or chronic discomfort (or dissatisfaction) is a form of pain , etc .

 

[Darksektori]

That quote appears to be true , despite us saying otherwise . Ending the pain includes boredom and meaningless of life . These are types of pain . As someone said "I wouldn't because I know pain will be back" -- of course that is the problem -- but the hypothetical quote/scenario suggest it won't .

Unlike someone suggested , some people's life are okay -- they have a loving family , good health , money , friends , joy , and every reason to live -- but they still want to die . I'm not going into their thought process and the "existential" label , but bottom line they do feel distressed and dissatisfied by life not matter what it gives them . That is a form of pain as well .

Then of course there are the terminally ill , many feel physical pain . But some may not be sick yet , thinking of ending their life before it get worse . That is still within the merits of 'ending the pain' . So yes , it's all about ending some form of potential or perceived pain (and that phrasing doesn't undermine the severe and real intensity of the pain).

It's also not necessarily ending 'all pain altogether' . There will always be something wrong or dissatisfying in life . It's about some significant relief to the most distressing hurtful thing that propels one towards death .

So I think that quote is 99% valid . The 1% are people who have strong inherent urge to commit suicide from a very young age even without a reason , something that is almost compulsive . That is neither a quantitative nor qualitative statement , just a general idea .

I do understand people who say "well that is not pain" or "well I don't have depression" , but one rare old psychiatrist , who had the heart and the time to explain things to me , said that it's all in the same domain : stress is a form of anxiety , being irritated is a form of stress , major or chronic discomfort (or dissatisfaction) is a form of pain , etc .

The struggle is difficult with everyone as well as dealing with one's own personal demons, a last resort for some since most of us have indeed have cried out for help yet no one cared, it's neverending agony mental or physical

 

[ceelo]

This quote applies to me 110%, i loved my health and life before this retard illness fucked it up

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

I feel hit and miss with this. In my case, I feel desperate. I am currently in a toxic situation that, while I am working to get out of, it is going to take some time. Its somethign where I feel being patient is just adding to the time bomb to go off. I just want peace, and I dont know if I can wait long enough or "try" hard enough for that. I am just exhausted and frustrated.

I think a part of me would feel guilty about not seeing my life till the end, seeing if anything changes, etc. But I dont think its worth it to keep trying

 

[Bct]

That quote appears to be true , despite us saying otherwise . Ending the pain includes boredom and meaningless of life . These are types of pain . As someone said "I wouldn't because I know pain will be back" -- of course that is the problem -- but the hypothetical quote/scenario suggest it won't .

Unlike someone suggested , some people's life are okay -- they have a loving family , good health , money , friends , joy , and every reason to live -- but they still want to die . I'm not going into their thought process and the "existential" label , but bottom line they do feel distressed and dissatisfied by life not matter what it gives them . That is a form of pain as well .

Then of course there are the terminally ill , many feel physical pain . But some may not be sick yet , thinking of ending their life before it get worse . That is still within the merits of 'ending the pain' . So yes , it's all about ending some form of potential or perceived pain (and that phrasing doesn't undermine the severe and real intensity of the pain).

It's also not necessarily ending 'all pain altogether' . There will always be something wrong or dissatisfying in life . It's about some significant relief to the most distressing hurtful thing that propels one towards death .

So I think that quote is 99% valid . The 1% are people who have strong inherent urge to commit suicide from a very young age even without a reason , something that is almost compulsive . That is neither a quantitative nor qualitative statement , just a general idea .

I do understand people who say "well that is not pain" or "well I don't have depression" , but one rare old psychiatrist , who had the heart and the time to explain things to me , said that it's all in the same domain : stress is a form of anxiety , being irritated is a form of stress , major or chronic discomfort (or dissatisfaction) is a form of pain , etc .

Can't agree more with you. Being bored & feeling life is meaningless could be seen as another type of pain. If it can also be cured at all (sadly, a wishful thinking), some people still want to die for no reason.

 

[ceelo]

I have no sympathy for perfectly healthy ppl claiming they are bored or whatever, thats a complete failing on their part, brain dead morons.

 

[Jessica5]

Not sure I've heard that quote before, but it's stupid.

By ending your life, you're ending your pain. How are ending your life and ending your pain two different things?

 

[watereyes]

I have no sympathy for perfectly healthy ppl claiming they are bored or whatever, thats a complete failing on their part, brain dead morons.

does it sound like I'm "bored"? I can't imagine anyone commiting suicide *just* because they are bored. Sounds crazy everything is interesting.

 

[ceelo]

does it sound like I'm "bored"? I can't imagine anyone commiting suicide *just* because they are bored. Sounds crazy everything is interesting.

dunno does it? i wasnt quoting you.

 

[Deleted member 18655]

For me, existence is pain; there's no separating them. And the pain is physical and mental. Between an autoimmune disease (MS) and PTSD/Depression, pain is a given. If I'm alive, there's pain. In that sense, yes, I want to end the pain.

But I don't want to ctb to end the pain.

I.don't.want.to.continue.living. Period.

 

[Darksektori]

"The thought of suicide is a great consolation: by means of it one gets through many a dark night."
-Nietzsche

"People pontificate, "Suicide is selfishness." Career churchmen like Pater go a step further and call in a cowardly assault on the living. Oafs argue this specious line for varying reason: to evade fingers of blame, to impress one's audience with one's mental fiber, to vent anger, or just because one lacks the necessary suffering to sympathize. Cowardice is nothing to do with it - suicide takes considerable courage. Japanese have the right idea. No, what's selfish is to demand another to endure an intolerable existence, just to spare families, friends, and enemies a bit of soul searching".
-David Mitchell

"Let them think what they liked, but I didn't mean to drown myself. I meant to swim till I sank, but that's not the same thing"
-Joseph Conrad

"I'm fine. Well, I'm not fine - I'm here."
"Is there something wrong with that?"
"Absolutely".
-Ned Vizzini

"We cannot tear out a single page of our life, but we can throw the whole book in the fire"
-George Sand

"What's the big fucking deal? Lots of amazing people have committed suicide, and they turned out alright"
-Emilie Autumn

"The man who kills a man kills a man.
The man who kills himself kills all men.
As far as he is concerned, he wipes out the world."
-G.K. Chesterton

 

[watereyes]

dunno does it? i wasnt quoting you.

ok i thought you were referring to me.. my bad.

 

[watereyes]

Where can I buy gun from , anybody that can discuss with?

not sure if this is the right thread..

 

[ready 2 go]

This quote doesn't apply to me. There's been times where things were going really well for me. I wasn't in extreme distress or emotional/mental pain. And I still wanted to end my life. I want to end my life, regardless of pain or what's going on in my life at the time. Good things happening to me might delay the suicide, but one day I'll go through with it

 

[muffin222]

That platitude does ring true for me in my own situation. I suffer from PTSD, a dissociative disorder, autism, OCD, generalized anxiety disorder, and depression due to trauma and a dysfunctional childhood. The pain, inner turmoil, and anguish these illnesses force upon me are what push me to want to ctb. If I could live my life as it is WITHOUT the mental and physical anguish, I don't think I'd want to die.

But, most of these issues are chronic and would require long term psychotherapy to manage. Looking at the cumulative toll on my life and the long, winding road to "healing", ctb seems like an easier and more surefire way to end my pain and suffering.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

idk I just wanna die