Suicidal intrusive thoughts

[dogdrool]

I was wondering if anybody here experiences suicidal ideation purely as an impulse fuelled by intrusive thoughts?
Sometimes I do genuinely want to die, probably for about 1/3 of every year, but for the other 2/3 I feel like I want to kill myself but not actually die, if that makes sense?

I feel really alone in this experience so I was wondering if anybody else feels the same.

I get a lot of other intrusive thoughts too about hurting other people/myself, sexual assault, parental death, etc etc, but suicide is the most prevalent.

 

[HansaNull]

Yes. Right now i'm in this numb state and feel like i want to die. That's probably the reason i've come to find this place.

At the start of the year my suicidal thoughts leaned more towards feeling like an impulse/reflex. I'd walk into a room and my thoughts immediately went to finding a way to kill myself. I'd feel like i wanted to jump, hang myself or whatever, but the fear of dying always stopped me.

I know its normal for a lot of people to have these intrusive thoughts (to an extent). I know i have them more frequently than others, also i 'want' to have them. (hard to explain)

I also have thoughts about hurting others, but no feelings towards it whatsoever.

To some degree its 'normal'. It all depends on how much it impacts you and how frequent the thoughts are.

 

[endlesstranquility]

Prison Sexual Assault

Ayo TF

 

[swankysoup]

Ayo TF

Dude that's your own message

 

[endlesstranquility]

Dude that's your own message

Ahh I messed up !

 

[dogdrool]

Yes. Right now i'm in this numb state and feel like i want to die. That's probably the reason i've come to find this place.

At the start of the year my suicidal thoughts leaned more towards feeling like an impulse/reflex. I'd walk into a room and my thoughts immediately went to finding a way to kill myself. I'd feel like i wanted to jump, hang myself or whatever, but the fear of dying always stopped me.

I know its normal for a lot of people to have these intrusive thoughts (to an extent). I know i have them more frequently than others, also i 'want' to have them. (hard to explain)

I also have thoughts about hurting others, but no feelings towards it whatsoever.

To some degree its 'normal'. It all depends on how much it impacts you and how frequent the thoughts are.

I have the same thoughts when walking into new environments. The thoughts are almost constant, whether I'm thinking about explicitly killing myself, failing an attempt, or just my family/ friends grieving.

Before I decided that it would be 'my spot', me and my friends would hang out at a creek beside open train tracks and honestly, every time we went I'd think about killing myself there infront of them all. It's kind of why I kept going, because it was kind of addicting to be so close to being able to do that. It's messed up and wrong.

I'm really sorry you feel this way too, I absolutely understanding feeling like you want to have those kinds of thoughts, sometimes I try to induce them in myself, so I can't complain too much, really.

 

[Blueberry Panic]

I have chronic suicidal ideation, my suicidal thoughts don't stop ... all I can do is choose to do it or not.

 

[simji_is_offline]

I feel it changes throughout the year. Sometimes I feel impulsive, intent on killing myself. Sometimes I want to die but I don't actually want to kill myself. Sometimes I don't want to die at all. I think it's all normal.

 

[dragonofenvy]

It drifts in and out. Sometimes I can go through a day and it's OK. Other times I'm angry and bitter at the world. Sometimes I just need one little thing to set me off, while other times major inconveniences are no big deal. Sometimes I think about hurting others, and then later think to myself that it's wrong to be thinking that. They just sort of randomly happen and it's irritating. I know that I always want to die. Sometimes when I'm driving for my job I'll think to myself: "Wow this blizzard is bad, but if I crash and die nothing of value would be lost I guess."

I kind of wish it was on my mind all the time just so I'd go out and actually do it.