suicidal ideation while being a believer?

[emptywings]

i'm a Christian.
i admit that with pain bc all my thoughts and actions seem to say the opposite. i promise u, i want so badly to end it all. my faith is based on putting God as my Father, my protector, my guide, my strength and my refuge.

i've always been devoted with all my heart, but there's always been this side of me corrupting all of that. it's fucking awful feeling guilty for having SI while being a believer ):

these sides of me are literally pulling me in opposite directions and tearing me in half. i know God's word says "u can't serve two masters" bc we're supposed to depend completely on God. it also says that He "hates lukewarm people." u understand what lukewarm means, right? i'm completely lukewarm, bc even though i believe with all my heart and love God, i hate living and desperately want to end my life.

do these actions/desires completely invalidate my beliefs?

pls give me ur opinion.

 

[poplover]

having thoughts of si doesn't make you any more or any less christian.

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

Could you please tell us where "it" says that God "hates lukewarm people"?

 

[emptywings]

Could you please tell us where "it" says that God "hates lukewarm people"?

yea ofc

"I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot... I am about to spit you out of my mouth" revelation 3:15-16

 

[RazzleDazzle]

I'm not Christian, but I come from a Christian background and have somewhat of an experience of God, or some sort of a belief in God.

I've reached my limits of what I can do to survive, and I have tried to be faithful to what I thought God wanted from me. And now I'm pretty much isolated, physically very disabled/limited in what I can do, mental health in the gutter, financially ruined with no possibility of working enough to survive, nowhere to go, broken and alone. And like, that's where I ended up after trusting God and trying to do God's will for me. I obviously got something wrong along the way, but it's too late to fix any of that now.

I tried. I did my best, and I tried, and it wasn't enough. Not everyone has a happy ending. There are people who get support and help, and there are people who have the opportunity to get help with challenges, but the more I struggled, the more isolated I got, and the harder I tried, the worse everything got. I'm pretty broken by now and I'm done. I've prayed and I've tried to get what help I could but I can't change how the world is and sometimes it just is what it is. I did what I could.

 

[emptywings]

I'm not Christian, but I come from a Christian background and have somewhat of an experience of God, or some sort of a belief in God.

I've reached my limits of what I can do to survive, and I have tried to be faithful to what I thought God wanted from me. And now I'm pretty much isolated, physically very disabled/limited in what I can do, mental health in the gutter, financially ruined with no possibility of working enough to survive, nowhere to go, broken and alone. And like, that's where I ended up after trusting God and trying to do God's will for me. I obviously got something wrong along the way, but it's too late to fix any of that now.

I tried. I did my best, and I tried, and it wasn't enough. Not everyone has a happy ending. There are people who get support and help, and there are people who have the opportunity to get help with challenges, but the more I struggled, the more isolated I got, and the harder I tried, the worse everything got. I'm pretty broken by now and I'm done. I've prayed and I've tried to get what help I could but I can't change how the world is and sometimes it just is what it is. I did what I could.

i'm so sorry. the system sucks. i don't really have any words of comfort to give u.


it's hard for anyone to comfort us bc we've already heard it all. our faith, our sanity, everything feels like it's shaking rn. it's really fucking hard.

i just hope u can find some peace someday

 

[poplover]

yea ofc

"I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot... I am about to spit you out of my mouth" revelation 3:15-16

ex christian so i know my words arent very valueable , but i would take everything that revelations says with a grain of salt lol. most of it were hallucination of an old man.

 

[emptywings]

ex christian so i know my words arent very valueable , but i would take everything that revelations says with a grain of salt lol. most of it were hallucination of an old man.

your opinion really matters to me, thanks for sharing. maybe ur right that i'm way too hard on myself when it comes to these verses. maybe it's bc i was forced to follow them from such a young age

 

[poplover]

your opinion really matters to me, thanks for sharing. maybe ur right that i'm way too hard on myself when it comes to these verses. maybe it's bc i was forced to follow them from such a young age

im sure that having a heavy religious upbringing definetly has some negative consequences. just remember that God sacrificed His son to forgive everyone's sins. If there is a God, He loves you unconditionally.

 

[emptywings]

im sure that having a heavy religious upbringing definetly has some negative consequences. just remember that God sacrificed His son to forgive everyone's sins. If there is a God, He loves you unconditionally.

ty, seriously, tysm

 

[EmptyBottle]

yea ofc

"I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot... I am about to spit you out of my mouth" revelation 3:15-16

iirc, it (more or less?) refers to someone who pretends to do good, and does it for show while doing bad...

*not* someone conflicted between life and death without malicious intentions.

 

[MyUniqueUsername]

Fitting Quote:
"For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do."

I think it's often misunderstood in Christianity, we humans will always be faulty, we will never be good and only do the right things, but we do the opposite, we do what we hate.

We will sin till the last day, that's why jesus forgiveness is a gift, we could never earn any kind of righteousness.

ex christian so i know my words arent very valueable , but i would take everything that revelations says with a grain of salt lol. most of it were hallucination of an old man.

Hallucinations with 100s of fulfilled prophecies, sometimes 1000s of years away and these aren't obvious things that would happen 100%, it's statistically impossible to be anything random or accidental. Show me anything that comes even close to this.

 

[RazzleDazzle]

i'm so sorry. the system sucks. i don't really have any words of comfort to give u.


it's hard for anyone to comfort us bc we've already heard it all. our faith, our sanity, everything feels like it's shaking rn. it's really fucking hard.

i just hope u can find some peace someday

I just read back what I'd written earlier, and it doesn't read like how I feel. I feel genuinely confused and worn down. There are individual decisions I've made that could have been better, but overall I feel like I've been trying in a very sincere way to do the right things for quite a while now, and my life has just gotten harder and harder. And at this point I just don't even know what I can do differently. I don't have any answers for you. Sometimes life is just struggle and pain and it doesn't matter what you believe.

 

[emptywings]

Fitting Quote:
"For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do."

I think it's often misunderstood in Christianity, we humans will always be faulty, we will never be good and only do the right things, but we do the opposite, we do what we hate.

ahh you're so right. i just remembered when the prophet Elijah was begging God to end his life. what you're saying makes so much sense now.