Venting suicidal but in a way that doesn’t involve being depressed anymore

[uboa.rust]

it just feels like i'm in a weird simulation that i've let drag on for too long or something. i can't even imagine the future anymore at all, it literally makes no sense to me. it feels like this moment i'm in u.s. the only thing that's ever existed and nothing else has, and that at this point i should just kill my self because i'm not even doing anything, there's nothing to do, no future that even exists, and beyond being in pain i just don't see value in any of this at all. only reason i wouldn't want to pull the plug are drugs but i'm broke so even that isn't enough to keep me from being existentially fucking bored.

anybody relate?

 

[l1ablemistakes]

I feel that unfortunately hard. Even when I'm not depressed I know I will be again. I finally graduated and got my 'dream' job and I still don't see the point. I don't want kids and I don't have any meaningful aspirations. Delaying it just feels like I'm dragging more people into my mess and prolonging the inevitable. I wish I did it when I first started having these thoughts as a young teen. People might've gone back to their normal lives by now and at least I would've saved my parents a whole lot of money. And all of the friends I've met since then a whole lot of pain.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I sort of relate. This feeling that nothing in my past massively matters now and, neither does my future. In a way, that's my prefered state now- to just feel numb.

The problem is that maintaining life requires effort- which I'm not willing to put in. So, I'm rocking back and forth between either loathing putting effort into doing sonething or, suffering the consequences of not doing it.