Discussion Suicidal and bpd love emotions

[Jisatsu]

I have chronic suicidal ideation thus I'm always thinking about ending my life... but because of my bpd I fall in love super easy and when I fall in love it feels like I have a reason to keep living.

I know it's not true love or just a phase of emotions but it makes me want to try when I don't actually want to be alive.

I always have options to ctb with ... always have something...
Maybe I'm giving my a excuse to let things get horrible again so I can finally push myself off the ledge and end it all