apearl
mitski fan
- Sep 25, 2023
- 220
I feel like I'm always stuck in the middle of death and life. I know that I'm living but it doesn't feel like what I'm doing is being alive at all.
I attempted last night, got drunk and waited for my BAC to get to the highest it could and then tried partial hanging. On the first try, my arms and legs started going numb and my vision got fuzzy, pretty sure if I didn't quickly yank myself back up I would've passed out. I keep doing this. Getting so close to escape and then running away. This morning I kept desperately searching for some reason to be happy that I didn't die last night, a funny video or a pretty nature walk, but everything feels dull.
I wish I would've succeeded.
I attempted last night, got drunk and waited for my BAC to get to the highest it could and then tried partial hanging. On the first try, my arms and legs started going numb and my vision got fuzzy, pretty sure if I didn't quickly yank myself back up I would've passed out. I keep doing this. Getting so close to escape and then running away. This morning I kept desperately searching for some reason to be happy that I didn't die last night, a funny video or a pretty nature walk, but everything feels dull.
I wish I would've succeeded.
