stuck between a rock and a hard place

[WildecoyetE]

i got told a few months back i have esophageal cancer , the main option was a massive operation which the end result would mean i wouldnt have a stomach and maybe 5 more years . i refused it and went down the chemo route and 1 session of it was enough . they never tell u the truth about the side effects about chemo , its really nasty side effects and end result was 2 more years of life . well now my cancer is terminal , ive no idea how long ive got as i dont want to know . anyways now im as the title of this thread says im stcuk between a rock and a hand place , cancer is going to be a slow painful death . death by my own hands (if done right ) should be over in a few minutes .

i have this shit going through my head every day , it feels like 2 fukers fighting for my soul and they both know they have me by the balls as either way 1 of them wins . i dont want the cancer to win , i want ot go out on my terms . i dont want to fail this time round as my head couldnt handle the failure again and il end up being locked up for my own saftey till the cancer takes its grip

 

[ireallylikemangoes]

I am so sorry this is happening to you, i can't even imagine the anguish you may feel from this. I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do

 

[WildecoyetE]

I am so sorry this is happening to you, i can't even imagine the anguish you may feel from this. I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do

i tryed the scapel blade on the wrists a couple of months ago and failed , this time i got to get this right . i seen videos of people in their final days with cancer and fuk that shit , they look dead and cant even move hence the reason ive got to get this right this time round . ive no plan to have some 1 wipe my ass in my final days . every1 says speak to some1 but speaking dont do shit when ur stuck in this postion . as ive said to the cancer nurses etc just give me a pill i can take before bed and NEVER waken up from that sleep but this being the shit hole that is the uk we have a-holes in charge that seem to know better than the folks that suffering with little options to escape this flesh sack and call it a day without takin matters into their own hands

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

I'm so sorry to read your post. Is going to Switzerland to do "death with dignity" an option for you?

 

[WildecoyetE]

if i had £15000 yes it would but i dont have that money lying around , i cant see them saying no as i have a terminal illness and there is no cure

I'm so sorry to read your post. Is going to Switzerland to do "death with dignity" an option for you?

if i could get pentobarbital sodium i could save myself a trip to switzerland as this is what they use to put u to sleep for good

maybe i should do a fund raiser to raise the funds but i cant see folks handing out money if they knew what my plans for the money

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

if i had £15000 yes it would but i dont have that money lying around , i cant see them saying no as i have a terminal illness and there is no cure

if i had £15000 yes it would but i dont have that money lying around , i cant see them saying no as i have a terminal illness and there is no cure

if i could get pentobarbital sodium i could save myself a trip to switzerland as this is what they use to put u to sleep for good

maybe i should do a fund raiser to raise the funds but i cant see folks handing out money if they knew what my plans for the money

It's so unfair that money is a barrier for a peaceful ending. There is VSED(voluntary stop eating and drinking) to hasten death but hospice needs to be involved to keep you comfortable. It appears to be more dignified than a long drawn out cancer death.

 

[WildecoyetE]

It's so unfair that money is a barrier for a peaceful ending. There is VSED(voluntary stop eating and drinking) to hasten death but hospice needs to be involved to keep you comfortable. It appears to be more dignified than a long drawn out cancer death.

money goes along way , i guess if i sold everything i owned i might raise the money . il be honest i have a game plan laid out , i just need to sort things out here as i dont want any1 sorting out my shit after im gone . i want to die knowing i aint left any loose ends if that makes sence . i dont fancy VSED as thats a slow death , i would rather take my chance with a £13 rope and a dam good knot in place , its alot faster way to go .

It's so unfair that money is a barrier for a peaceful ending. There is VSED(voluntary stop eating and drinking) to hasten death but hospice needs to be involved to keep you comfortable. It appears to be more dignified than a long drawn out cancer death.

i could get 40mgs of pentobarbital sodium for around £100 but without a licence i cant get it :(

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

I'm sorry to hear that. I'm assuming you live in a country where euthanasia is not an option? Are you getting painkillers at least?

 

[WildecoyetE]

I'm sorry to hear that. I'm assuming you live in a country where euthanasia is not an option? Are you getting painkillers at lim

I'm sorry to hear that. I'm assuming you live in a country where euthanasia is not an option? Are you getting painkillers at least?

i live in scotland and we are waiting for new laws to pass but that wont happen till next year at the earlyest .

im not in pain as such , its the battle in my head that hurts and thats a pain no pills can cure and no shrink on this planet would have a clue how i am feeling or how to deal with it

i can handle the cancer , it is the fact its going to kill me without my consent . hence the reason il be taking things into my own hands as soon as i clear my feet a

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

i live in scotland and we are waiting for new laws to pass but that wont happen till next year at the earlyest .

Damn. You said you had no idea how long you have, but I'm gonna guess you don't think you'll make it that long

im not in pain as such , its the battle in my head that hurts and thats a pain no pills can cure and no shrink on this planet would have a clue how i am feeling or how to deal with it

No, that's true. I'm glad you're not in physical pain right now though.

i can handle the cancer , it is the fact its going to kill me without my consent . hence the reason il be taking things into my own hands as soon as i clear my feet a

Yeah. I can see how you would prefer that.
I don't think there is anything anyone could say that would make it better for you :(
You've literally had your choice to live taken out of your hands. It's painful, it's wildly unfair, it's out of your control, and it fucking sucks. I'm so sorry for you!
I've lost multiple ppl to cancer so I have an inkling of what you're going through, seen from the other side obviously..

 

[fedup1982]

Im sorry you're going through this. For real, none of the two main options are good. I hope you find a way to get VAD

 

[WildecoyetE]

Damn. You said you had no idea how long you have, but I'm gonna guess you don't think you'll make it that long

No, that's true. I'm glad you're not in physical pain right now though.

Yeah. I can see how you would prefer that.
I don't think there is anything anyone could say that would make it better for you :(
You've literally had your choice to live taken out of your hands. It's painful, it's wildly unfair, it's out of your control, and it fucking sucks. I'm so sorry for you!
I've lost multiple ppl to cancer so I have an inkling of what you're going through, seen from the other side obviously..

this cancer is 1 of the worse , it spreads like wild fire due to the location , most folks its 6-12 months without the op .
il take a bit of suffering when the time comes when its in my hands to go as il know in no time it will be over and
il finally get to exit this flesh sack on my terms .

 

[theboy]

is euthanasia in terminal cancer patients allowed or not?

 

[WildecoyetE]

is euthanasia in terminal cancer patients allowed or not?

yes if its terminal but u have to be able to give urself the drugs or press the button if in a pod

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm so sorry. Life can be so cruel.