raincandy_v
命に嫌われている。
- May 25, 2026
- 13
I feel like now it is so hard to find a reason to keep waking up. It doesn't ever feel like I have a reason to keep going anymore. I wake up, rot in bed, masturbate, eat, sit at my pc, lay back down, read doujin, and sleep (what little I do actually sleep).
I feel like I do this everyday in some capacity. Here at the beginning of April I moved in with a friend and their partner to avoid being homeless. I've more or less been trying to just stay to myself. However, they keep trying to make me do this. go out, make a meal, something of the sort with them.
I tell them I don't want to and I want to be left alone, but then they message me on Discord and send me messages rapidly or knock on my door regularly to talk about nothing important.
I can't even masturbate in peace without someone trying to talk to me, it's stupid. Today I was trying to sleep, maybe had been sleeping for 2-3 hours when my housemate woke me up asking me to do something. I said no and they left. They came back and did the same thing two more times, before they and their partner left the house. By then, I couldn't even get back to sleep.
I've been trying to be a "productive person" and look for work or something but I keep getting my application rejected or no answer. I've been trying nonstop and there's just no progress being made. A year ago I felt things were at their best. I had a partner who I loved dearly, and thought she felt the same. I had a job; and I was saving money even. Sure I was overworked, working 50-70hrs a week. I would sacrifice sleep for dates, or spending time or anything with her.
November It all went downhill when she just abandoned me overnight from a small argument (she prodded an insecurity of mine we had talked about times before). From there I fell into depression. Stopped taking all my pills, stopped leaving the house; made a poor excuse to take away from work and eventually just quit and moved.
I stayed home and barely left, not even to get groceries; not eating for many days at a time or skipping meals. I made some friends in an online circle and things got weird with the owner of the server so I left and proceeded to get harassed by the server owner and their friends.
My friend I moved in with had been pestering me from December until I moved last month to move in and take it easy. I thought it was a good idea then, but hindsight just wish I would have stayed where I was until I had no money left and just made my exit.
But now I am here, they poke and prod at me (physically and mentally because they know I have a history of mental health and SH and are trying to make sure I am not "hurting myself") nonstop.
Sure, some people would love to have people who cared so deeply. But it feels more like a burden and that makes me feel guilty. I wish I could just have solitude again. I want to just be alone again.
I feel like I do this everyday in some capacity. Here at the beginning of April I moved in with a friend and their partner to avoid being homeless. I've more or less been trying to just stay to myself. However, they keep trying to make me do this. go out, make a meal, something of the sort with them.
I tell them I don't want to and I want to be left alone, but then they message me on Discord and send me messages rapidly or knock on my door regularly to talk about nothing important.
I can't even masturbate in peace without someone trying to talk to me, it's stupid. Today I was trying to sleep, maybe had been sleeping for 2-3 hours when my housemate woke me up asking me to do something. I said no and they left. They came back and did the same thing two more times, before they and their partner left the house. By then, I couldn't even get back to sleep.
I've been trying to be a "productive person" and look for work or something but I keep getting my application rejected or no answer. I've been trying nonstop and there's just no progress being made. A year ago I felt things were at their best. I had a partner who I loved dearly, and thought she felt the same. I had a job; and I was saving money even. Sure I was overworked, working 50-70hrs a week. I would sacrifice sleep for dates, or spending time or anything with her.
November It all went downhill when she just abandoned me overnight from a small argument (she prodded an insecurity of mine we had talked about times before). From there I fell into depression. Stopped taking all my pills, stopped leaving the house; made a poor excuse to take away from work and eventually just quit and moved.
I stayed home and barely left, not even to get groceries; not eating for many days at a time or skipping meals. I made some friends in an online circle and things got weird with the owner of the server so I left and proceeded to get harassed by the server owner and their friends.
My friend I moved in with had been pestering me from December until I moved last month to move in and take it easy. I thought it was a good idea then, but hindsight just wish I would have stayed where I was until I had no money left and just made my exit.
But now I am here, they poke and prod at me (physically and mentally because they know I have a history of mental health and SH and are trying to make sure I am not "hurting myself") nonstop.
Sure, some people would love to have people who cared so deeply. But it feels more like a burden and that makes me feel guilty. I wish I could just have solitude again. I want to just be alone again.
