NSFW Struggling a lot with porn addiction recently

[lastappleonearth]

I have never talked about this before and I have to admit that it is kinda embarrassing, but it's gotten pretty bad recently and I have no one to talk abt it with, so why not share it I guess.

I actually managed to not watch any porn for like a lil bit over a month, but then I just threw it away and started watching again. I honestly didn't realise that it had such a strong grip on me, but it does. I think I started watching when I was 9, which is super fucking early. Well anyways, I hate myself every single time I watch it and it just makes me feel shame, but I still continue to do it, it's insane really. Idk, I sometimes wish that we would've had less technological progress, I think I'd prob be better of if smartphones never existed. I mean, who would've thought that we now have toothbrushes with cameras in them and fucking Bluetooth connectivity. Now im ranting I know, but I hate that porn is so accessible, just a few clicks away and at this point I don't like watching it anymore, I'm just so used to it and it's become compulsive. It was at its worst when I paid for content on OF, I felt so pathetic afterwards, thank fuck I don't do this anymore. Just the fact that a thing like OF can be so successful in our modern societies is not a good sign imo, it relies on parasocial relationships and people being lonely, it's fucked up honestly.
Idk, the irony is that now for the first time in my life I actually look decent, I got my teeth fixed, I've achieved my dream physique, but no one can see me and I'm ig not capable of having normal and actually physical relationships. But this is besides the point, I just want to stop watching porn, I hate and absolutely dread thinking about it. Idk, mby someone here has dealt with this as well and has overcome it. If so, then advice would be very appreciated.
Thank you to anyone who might read this, I appreciate it and wish you well

 

[ImpairedLowlife]

Imo sometimes porn is a problem only because you make it one.
In moderation I don't think it's harmful. If you don't spend hours on it everyday and procrastinate or avoid more useful activities, it's not that bad honestly. If it's just serves you as an imitation of sexual activity alongside masturbation every few days, it's not that bad.
Trying to completely restrict yourself from it can lead to overcompensation in the end and other mental struggles. Also just stopping porn won't really change your life for better if you aren't doing something useful instead.
Just try to limit it to 2-3x a week for 30-ish min max and don't worry about it too much. As long as you're not developing weird fetishes and spending too much time, it should be fine, imo.

 

[witchcraft]

Me too. Often can't go to sleep without it. But I think that's purely a habit I've built by unintentionally associating the two. A very unfortunate habit. I've never had much dating / romantic success, so I don't exactly know what else I'm expected or supposed to do. In ~10 years, three girlfriends, I've had one girlfriend who matched my energy. Very lucky, very rare in my experience. The energy has to go somewhere and sublimating it into other pursuits like the gym didn't work for me. Maybe that would work for you, though.

Anyway, I don't know if it will make you feel any better (and this is just my personal experience...): quitting probably isn't going to be some magical cure that completely utterly transforms your life anyway, so don't set yourself up for that disappointment. I think the benefits of quitting porn and the ""evils"" of consuming it are completely overblown and often pseudo-science, at best placebo, so take some pressure off yourself. I'm not even going to get into the utterly ridiculous claims about people you're interested in having some kind of superhuman sixth sense that detects your porn addiction. Or the irony of people who have a safe mutual outlet for sexual energy in their relationship judging people harshly who don't and therefore watch pornography. Or unfounded promises about how no longer fapping will spawn a *significant-other.

So don't beat yourself up. That's my first advice; beating yourself up is ironically likely to reinforce the behavior of beating your meat or just cause a lot of unproductive internal strife. With my nicotine addiction, one thing that helped me was chewing gum. The underlying reason is simply this: quitting an addiction, whatever it may be, leaves behind a void. One is likely to give into the craving to fill that void by returning to the addiction (the path of least resistance, typical human behavior) unless you fill it with something else. Without filling that void with a better alternative, you are relying on willpower, and willpower (white-knuckling) is a limited resource that only works temporarily in the short-term. It is unrealistic to expect most people to have holy levels of willpower to resist the urge of satisfying an addiction you've had for years, as that could potentially take months. When you exhaust your willpower, you will feel exhausted, and consequently even more likely to return to the comfort provided by your addiction.

Another thing that might help would be to look into the real science of how the brain can rewire itself, how habits are formed, how habits are broken and replaced, etc. You can find some general timeframes of what to realistically expect on average, common pitfalls, and simple strategies to put the odds more in your favor. List, in no more than one sentence each, just three core reasons why you want to quit. Revise them as needed, but keep those reasons somewhere you can see them daily as a friendly reminder. And a relapse is not exactly always a complete and total reset where you lose all your progress... yeah, it sucks to reset the clock Pacific Rim style, but a Duolingo-esque streak should actually be more of a minor source of encouragement in your overall strategy here. "I broke my 364 day pornless streak and now I'm back at 0 " and "I only watched porn one time in a year" are basically the same thing, both equally true statements, but produce two completely opposite sentiments; ask yourself which sentiment is more useful to you.