TW: MENTIONS OF SUICIDE
about a year and two months ago, i started seeing a psychiatrist after a suicide attempt. at first fluoxtrine (20mg) and diazepam (i can't remember the dosage tbh). and diazepam helped with sleep and stuff so that was nice. around two weeks in, my psychiatrist decided to take me off diazepam because it's highly addictive. and a few sessions later, he told me that i might have bipolar disorder so i was prescribed lamotrigine (25 mg titration up to 75 mg). by this time, months have passed but i wasn't feeling any changes. the only thing i noticed was that lamotrigine did not go with alcohol at all. every time i take lamotrigine after drinking, it would make me so sick. so i kinda started not taking it because i started drinking more. idk when or why i stopped taking fluoxetine but im assuming it was around the same time. i can't remember when this was for certain, but it has been at least 4 months. (alsooo my psychiatrist doesn't really know that i drink, at first i didn't want to tell him because i was scared that he'd put me in rehab or tell my parents or something, but now, idk why i can't seem to be able to tell him..)
4+ months off my meds, and i don't think i feel any different than when i was on them. don't get me wrong, im still hella depressed and suicidal and irritable but i don't feel like the meds were helping anyway.
i feel like i should tell my psychiatrist (and i always plan to do so, but i get scared and chicken out). alsoo idk if i can tell him that i drink alc and smoke pot, because i feel like he'll ask me to stop (best case scenario) or tell my parents and/or put me in rehab. idk.. maybe he can't even do that but i can't risk it because i feel like id literally die rn if it wasn't for pot and alcohol. so now idk what to do. :/
about a year and two months ago, i started seeing a psychiatrist after a suicide attempt. at first fluoxtrine (20mg) and diazepam (i can't remember the dosage tbh). and diazepam helped with sleep and stuff so that was nice. around two weeks in, my psychiatrist decided to take me off diazepam because it's highly addictive. and a few sessions later, he told me that i might have bipolar disorder so i was prescribed lamotrigine (25 mg titration up to 75 mg). by this time, months have passed but i wasn't feeling any changes. the only thing i noticed was that lamotrigine did not go with alcohol at all. every time i take lamotrigine after drinking, it would make me so sick. so i kinda started not taking it because i started drinking more. idk when or why i stopped taking fluoxetine but im assuming it was around the same time. i can't remember when this was for certain, but it has been at least 4 months. (alsooo my psychiatrist doesn't really know that i drink, at first i didn't want to tell him because i was scared that he'd put me in rehab or tell my parents or something, but now, idk why i can't seem to be able to tell him..)
4+ months off my meds, and i don't think i feel any different than when i was on them. don't get me wrong, im still hella depressed and suicidal and irritable but i don't feel like the meds were helping anyway.
i feel like i should tell my psychiatrist (and i always plan to do so, but i get scared and chicken out). alsoo idk if i can tell him that i drink alc and smoke pot, because i feel like he'll ask me to stop (best case scenario) or tell my parents and/or put me in rehab. idk.. maybe he can't even do that but i can't risk it because i feel like id literally die rn if it wasn't for pot and alcohol. so now idk what to do. :/
