BlueButterfly111
Digital Diary🦋
- Dec 26, 2024
- 343
It's a long story, but I'm currently living with a 62 year old man who first took advantage of me when I was 18. He approached me at the store I used to work at 5 years ago, and he took my virginity away when I was 19, and was taking advantage of me.
I first moved in with him when I was desperate to leave my stepfather and mothers home because they were bullying me a lot right before my grandfathers funeral, and I just couldn't take it anymore and had a mental breakdown and called him to ask if I could stay with him for a few days. I snuck out of my parents home in the middle of the night, but I used my key to lock their door before I left, and took an uber with my own money to his apartment.
At the time I only had like $100 dollars in my bank account, and I also had to use that little bit of money for the uber to his apartment because my mother was also taking advantage of me at the time because she had bought herself a new car, and made me pay for the old one that she "gave" me, including for the repairs which she likely knew I was gonna have to make because she had the car since I was a child and I was almost 20 at the time. I also think she could've possibly used some of my money that she made me pay her for her old car with for her new one. My memory is foggy, but basically what I'm trying to say is that I left there with basically no money, leaving me in a bad financial state from the start.
Since I've been living with this man, the situation has been horrendous, like I said it's a really long story, and I probably won't explain all the details, because it's just so much it's easy to forget. Basically this man behaves like a narcissist, he is a retired military veteran. He doesn't close doors while he uses the restroom, I don't have any privacy, and I'm not allowed to close my doors. He has invaded my privacy by opening doors while I'm using the restroom. He just went through my purse because he said he was "cleaning up his house." He has basically raped me in the past by forcing himself on me, and he is on drugs and still sometimes tries to sexually take advantage of me but usually I refuse.
I hate my mother, I'm sorry but I despise the bitch. She had no business having children and I also hate my "stepfather" he is a loser, and I hope they both rot in hell. My mom knows that I am mentally ill and that I am most likely mentally disabled, but she has made it clear that she does not care and won't do anything to help me.
I'm not making this post for pity, I'm mainly genuinely and desperately looking for help. I really want to live in an rv camper one day, but I only have like $600 dollars in my bank account since I started a new job a month ago that pays me scraps. I heard that you can rent one starting for as low as 500, is there any way I can find one to rent asap? Please I need help. I'm trying to be patient and save more money, but I'm afraid that if I stay in this situation I will Ctb soon, because I'm on the verge of breaking down everyday that I live here and this situation makes me more depressed everyday.
I can't even go outside or go to the park without this mans say so, because I'm dependent on him and I use his vehicle. Even if I try to walk anywhere by myself he throws a temper tantrum and starts threatening me about how it's his apartment and it's his key to his apartment, so I just try to keep the peace by not going anywhere besides work. He shows narcissistic tendencies, and is most likely taking advantage of me on purpose and knows that I have some kind of mental disability. He also invites crackheads and random girls over to do drugs with and also people who steal from him, which makes me really uncomfortable. He even will accommodate the people that steal from him, but purposely treat me horribly, I have given him money to try to help him and everything. Honestly, there's so much you can say about this situation that I may be leaving out, but I'm too tired, and hopefully you get the gist of how bad the situation is.
I've been told to go to a shelter, but idk anything about shelters, and idk how well that would go, I really would prefer not to do that. One of the main reasons I even want to see a psychiatrist is because want to get evaluated for any mental illness/disorders that I think I have so I can possibly receive some kind of help or accommodations, even if it's just life advice. I really need some help in life if I am going to be able to live, because I really don't know how to navigate things on my own.
Thanks for reading, I'm sure there's more to say, but my brain is tired right now. I am really trying to stay strong, but I am becoming more depressed every single day. I'm trying to save money at my new job to get my own car, but it's not much. Honestly, I'm running out of hope, so any help or advice would be appreciated.
Edit: Oh I also forgot to mention that I have no other family in the area that I live in. Just my mother and stepfather because when my mother and I moved to this city over 6 years ago, it was to move in with my now stepfather. And I also don't have any friends or relatives because I have trouble making friends due to suspected autism, so I haven't even managed to make or keep any…
I first moved in with him when I was desperate to leave my stepfather and mothers home because they were bullying me a lot right before my grandfathers funeral, and I just couldn't take it anymore and had a mental breakdown and called him to ask if I could stay with him for a few days. I snuck out of my parents home in the middle of the night, but I used my key to lock their door before I left, and took an uber with my own money to his apartment.
At the time I only had like $100 dollars in my bank account, and I also had to use that little bit of money for the uber to his apartment because my mother was also taking advantage of me at the time because she had bought herself a new car, and made me pay for the old one that she "gave" me, including for the repairs which she likely knew I was gonna have to make because she had the car since I was a child and I was almost 20 at the time. I also think she could've possibly used some of my money that she made me pay her for her old car with for her new one. My memory is foggy, but basically what I'm trying to say is that I left there with basically no money, leaving me in a bad financial state from the start.
Since I've been living with this man, the situation has been horrendous, like I said it's a really long story, and I probably won't explain all the details, because it's just so much it's easy to forget. Basically this man behaves like a narcissist, he is a retired military veteran. He doesn't close doors while he uses the restroom, I don't have any privacy, and I'm not allowed to close my doors. He has invaded my privacy by opening doors while I'm using the restroom. He just went through my purse because he said he was "cleaning up his house." He has basically raped me in the past by forcing himself on me, and he is on drugs and still sometimes tries to sexually take advantage of me but usually I refuse.
I hate my mother, I'm sorry but I despise the bitch. She had no business having children and I also hate my "stepfather" he is a loser, and I hope they both rot in hell. My mom knows that I am mentally ill and that I am most likely mentally disabled, but she has made it clear that she does not care and won't do anything to help me.
I'm not making this post for pity, I'm mainly genuinely and desperately looking for help. I really want to live in an rv camper one day, but I only have like $600 dollars in my bank account since I started a new job a month ago that pays me scraps. I heard that you can rent one starting for as low as 500, is there any way I can find one to rent asap? Please I need help. I'm trying to be patient and save more money, but I'm afraid that if I stay in this situation I will Ctb soon, because I'm on the verge of breaking down everyday that I live here and this situation makes me more depressed everyday.
I can't even go outside or go to the park without this mans say so, because I'm dependent on him and I use his vehicle. Even if I try to walk anywhere by myself he throws a temper tantrum and starts threatening me about how it's his apartment and it's his key to his apartment, so I just try to keep the peace by not going anywhere besides work. He shows narcissistic tendencies, and is most likely taking advantage of me on purpose and knows that I have some kind of mental disability. He also invites crackheads and random girls over to do drugs with and also people who steal from him, which makes me really uncomfortable. He even will accommodate the people that steal from him, but purposely treat me horribly, I have given him money to try to help him and everything. Honestly, there's so much you can say about this situation that I may be leaving out, but I'm too tired, and hopefully you get the gist of how bad the situation is.
I've been told to go to a shelter, but idk anything about shelters, and idk how well that would go, I really would prefer not to do that. One of the main reasons I even want to see a psychiatrist is because want to get evaluated for any mental illness/disorders that I think I have so I can possibly receive some kind of help or accommodations, even if it's just life advice. I really need some help in life if I am going to be able to live, because I really don't know how to navigate things on my own.
Thanks for reading, I'm sure there's more to say, but my brain is tired right now. I am really trying to stay strong, but I am becoming more depressed every single day. I'm trying to save money at my new job to get my own car, but it's not much. Honestly, I'm running out of hope, so any help or advice would be appreciated.
Edit: Oh I also forgot to mention that I have no other family in the area that I live in. Just my mother and stepfather because when my mother and I moved to this city over 6 years ago, it was to move in with my now stepfather. And I also don't have any friends or relatives because I have trouble making friends due to suspected autism, so I haven't even managed to make or keep any…
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I felt like if I got desperate enough I might go to a shelter, but would rather just ctb instead, as weird as that sounds, I just would rather give up at this point because I'm tired.
