Venting Still can't fucking do it.

[UnluckyBastard]

I still have my gun. I still practice dry firing. I still can't fucking kill myself because I'm a coward. It's like as soon as it's loaded my mind creates copes just to try and not do it. I hate my human survival instincts. I wish there was a way to turn them off

 

[Kalista]

i feel you

i'm sorry

 

[justwannadip]

I feel you. I really just need to go

 

[legoshi]

Bought SN a month or so ago. Still haven't had the courage to do it. I find evey little thing I can to hold on, I'm like oh maybe one day this or one day that will happen and make me happy. Yet, there have been years of experiences that let me know that's never going to happen. Yet, I'm still grasping for hope.

 

[deathproof17]

A part of you isn't suicidal and wants to live. That's not a bad thing. You have things in life worth living for.

 

[L'absent]

It's normal, you're just scared. Change scares people.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I still have my gun. I still practice dry firing. I still can't fucking kill myself because I'm a coward. It's like as soon as it's loaded my mind creates copes just to try and not do it. I hate my human survival instincts. I wish there was a way to turn them off

Same for me

 

[Flippintogo]

Had thr gun pointed to my head numerous times. Never could muster the nerve. I end up loading it, pointing it to my head, and then pulling the trigger to the point of resistance. SI then kicks in. Massively. Like everything tells me to stop and rethink it through. I hate that I'm such a coward.

 

[antony]

I got N (pentobarbital) and still can't. Some of us have to really hit rock bottom.

 

[TragedyBornCrimson]

Shooting yourself is terrifying, not doing it is understandable

 

[Roadrunner]

I can totally relate, I'm in the same situation with SN. One day I'm sure I'll hit rock bottom and find the fortitude. Existence till then sure isn't enjoyable for me.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I still have my gun. I still practice dry firing. I still can't fucking kill myself because I'm a coward. It's like as soon as it's loaded my mind creates copes just to try and not do it. I hate my human survival instincts. I wish there was a way to turn them off

I meant i'm scared i won't die and remain alive if i were more sure i was going to die shooting myself i would do it.

 

[been__ready]

I feel your pain. I am sitting at the airport after flying across the country to CTB and failing for the second time.. it is an absolutely terrible feeling…

Especially when you've been so intent on saying goodbye. Have you considered another method? I'm now looking into SN..