Venting Still alive still miserable

[sa666]

I'm sitting alone in a bar right now, I'm not even 21 yet not even 20
I've never felt so alone in my life, I'm watching my friends have fun a few tables away. They haven't even looked for me once, to be honest they didn't even invite me. They made plans and asked me out of pity if I wanted to come. I didn't, but I did, even though I knew something like this would happen.
I'm 19 and I feel like everything I've done has been on auto pilot. Even while I type this I feel like I'm watching a movie character have an internal dialogue.
The only times I feel like I'm in my body is when I'm cutting myself, smoking, or slamming my head into the wall.
I don't think anyone sees me.

 

[TBONTB]

survival skill here...don't think too much about your friends motives. If they sorta asked you and you sorta came, don't worry too much about how much attention they are paying to you. Walk over and say hi!

And bonus, if at all possible make it all about them. People like that shit.

 

[sa666]

survival skill here...don't think too much about your friends motives. If they sorta asked you and you sorta came, don't worry too much about how much attention they are paying to you. Walk over and say hi!

And bonus, if at all possible make it all about them. People like that shit.

It makes me feel like one not even human…I might just be sensitive haha but it causes me physical pain.

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

I'd also say find more friends who do check up on you! But I know that's easier said than done...

And like tbontb said, just go over and chat if you want

 

[TBONTB]

It makes me feel like one not even human…I might just be sensitive haha but it causes me physical pain.

oooh..that sounds very intense. Sounds like you are feeling very unknown.

I'm a little confused..are they aware you are there? So you just think they should be looking around to see if you are?

 

[sa666]

They do know. I went to the bar to grab a drink a bit ago

Sorry for late reply