Venting Spiral

[BodyOfDaffodil]

It's endless. My mental depravity and the things I'll do to feel an ounce better than I did previously. It makes my head spin and my stomach churn, yet it brings comfort to the disturbed mind I call my own. I'm convinced no one would care if I were to CTB, not even my closest family members. All I am to them is a piggy bank, a therapist, a slave, babysitter and everything else that is lesser than a loved one. I am disposable and have been since birth, if I hadn't existed then those after me would've been better off. I am the greatest example of self loathing and hatred for my family, I am so treatment resistant that the bile in my stomach rose to my throat when I thought of being able to be saved.

I want to change. I want to be saved, I want something new; but I get denied every time.

I try so hard, so hard. Yet, all I can manage is to barely keep my head afloat while I go down shit creek without a life jacket. I am tired, I am sick, I am just seeking to die. I can't do this anymore. I genuinely think tonight is enough for me. I'll be taking a whole bottle of Quetiapine and escitalopram, not the strongest stuff on it's own but with a bottle of 40 ounce vodka and a bottle of wine, it might turn lethal. if not then i have a syringe i can stick in my arm and use to place air into my veins.

I don't care the method. I just want out now. I don't want this life anymore. I don't want to live like this anymore.

All I wanted was someone to love me, for who I am and not the sob story I tell.

 

[EagleLight]

i feel this on another level, im searching for the same out but hey if you wanna talk let me know ill give you my snapchat or some shit. personally im thinking argon exit bag that or sn

id very much appreciate you company though you sound just like me