Unattainable666
Enlightened
- Mar 31, 2023
- 1,346
Well, I woke up again this morning. what a disappointment. Just asking for a massive heart attack in my sleep, or a brain aneurysm that will kill me, anything. I am so desperate to die. I've lived long enough to know that the future holds nothing but misery, tears and fear. I want none of it. I wake up every morning with a sense of fear. This isn't living - having others dictate how your life will turn out - having money dictate - a fucking piece of paper dictate how your life will dictate - whether you will live on the streets a mere beggar or live in a beautiful house - what the fuck kind of world is this??? I've worked my entire life - to have assholes now dictate how my emotional well being will deliver each day. Whether little hitler likes me or not dictates whether I have a job (oh and by the way she doesn't and I can;t; stand her - two faced bitch). I'm so angry that I;m still alive. I;m angrier still that fear is keeping me here. Fear of failure - that if I fail I will be unable to try again and I will be at the mercy of people so hateful. I have to get ready to go to work now to enter the proverbial rat race to sit at a desk and speak to no one for eight hours. To watch the hands of the clock tick until I can come home and think about ctb more......... peace all I want is peace. the pain is too much for me to bear.
