Venting sometimes i feel unease when about to ctb but then something triggers it

[thronesick]

i don't know if this is pathetic or attention seeking thinking. i was already having a bad day because every day is a bad day but my mom came home and brought her bad day with her she was so hostile. every sentence she spoke was with profanity. the expression on her face— disdain felt like a direct accusation that i was at fault for her bad mood. scenarios like this which happen so often makes me want to kill myself even more because it's so triggering for my ptsd but also partially out of spite i want her to feel bad for making me feel like this but when you have people in your life like this they don't internalize they deflect and she would never take accountability for the way she treats me