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NSFWSomething embarrassing I wanted to ask
Thread starterSylveon
Start date
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No idea if it's normal but I've fantasized about killing stuff starting around the age of 4-5. Exhaustive list of the organisms I've killed: countless insects, spiders, frogs, slugs and snails (the latter for eating), fishes, chickens / roosters, and sheep in a slaughterhouse. My animalic body count is a normal part of a normal human life and that doesn't make it any less evil.
It can be normal, although it depends on what triggers those thoughts.
It happened to me a lot when I was 17. I started having homicidal thoughts simply because I had a huge hatred towards my classmates who always excluded me in class and never wanted to socialize with me. I remember that another thing that made me have those thoughts was watching quite a few documentaries about serial killers or school shooters to feel identified.
The good thing is that the pandemic kept me away from all that sc*m. Although unfortunately, it also worsened my mental health.
Currently, I don't think about those things anymore, because basically I'm no longer in school. But yes, school makes me think about those things.
For me, having homicidal thoughts is equivalent to thinking about CTB, because here the hatred is not towards oneself but towards people.
I had this belief that I didn't deserve to CTB because I never did anything wrong; instead, I thought that they should leave this world because they were the ones responsible for making me feel bad.
Reactions:
marchshift, Sylveon, Adûnâi and 1 other person
I think it is fine unless you feed said fantasies and lose control. When you are angry it is normal to want to shut down sources of your frustrations. Most won't admit it but I doubt there is anyone who never thought about killing. At least for a moment.
For an adult, if it's an intrusive thought and part of OCD for instance, that can be easily overlooked. I've grappled with intrusive thoughts throughout certain periods of my life.
If it's a genuine desire to kill someone, I don't think it could ever really be considered "fine." Clearly then you're in a pretty bad way.
The mitigating factor of course being that in this case, you were only a pre-teen. Basically anything a pre-teen says or thinks is irrelevant in the greater scheme of things. You were just a child.
Dreaming of pushing your bullies and abusers into a woodchipper or running them down with a bus? Pretty normal honestly, I had the same thoughts for my tormentors as a pre-teen. The fleeting fantasy of a hurt victim with little tangible recourse for revenge. I also think random intrusive thoughts are normal as long as they're confronted appropriately.
Fantasizing about strangling your cute baby brother for no reason or mowing down innocent classmates/strangers who've never even spoken to you? No, not normal and intervention is appropriate.
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