I read a book about borderline currently due to the fact I text with a borderline woman intensely. She starts to ignore me since yesterday. I wonder how long our friendship will last.
She told me her mother was very abusive and her job was kindergarten educater. One of my therapist told me borderline women often become kindergarten educators. They want to give to children they never received. Full acceptance, unconditional love and the feeling of being cared of. However. "something a child does not receive, can rarely be given by him or her later." It is a quote of an autobiography writen in the book I read.
My friend wants a job that deals with humans but not necessarily children.
The following thing was scary I am not a native speaker and it is very hard to translate but I will try my best. I don't have the exacts words in my memory.
So after the clinic we walked to a bus. We talked about the wish to procreate. I told her I am glad I will stop the never ending cycle of suffering. So many in my family are mentally ill from the side of my dad and I think in the family of my mom abuse was common. A deadly mix for me.
I also said to her that she will break the cycle. I am not 100% sure about the exact words but her implications were kind of stunning to me. She said to me that at least she will adopt a child so that the genes won't spread. But her answer implied that she will act the same way as her mom. Which is kind of stunning. Her mom probably had borderline, she has it. She said to me she really wants kids but only adopting them. Honestly, I have doubts whether that's a good idea. I had a droublesome childhood. And borderline women can give me great feelings. We often went through similar abuse. But in the longrun they are not good for me. I become dependent on them. But I have the feeling it feels like being on drugs. But there will come a crash. It is only a shortterm great feeling.
I think I would be a horrible dad. I think one reason is my fucked up childhood. Moreover, I am a total (bipolar) wreck. Do you think there is some truth in the quote of the title?
She told me her mother was very abusive and her job was kindergarten educater. One of my therapist told me borderline women often become kindergarten educators. They want to give to children they never received. Full acceptance, unconditional love and the feeling of being cared of. However. "something a child does not receive, can rarely be given by him or her later." It is a quote of an autobiography writen in the book I read.
My friend wants a job that deals with humans but not necessarily children.
The following thing was scary I am not a native speaker and it is very hard to translate but I will try my best. I don't have the exacts words in my memory.
So after the clinic we walked to a bus. We talked about the wish to procreate. I told her I am glad I will stop the never ending cycle of suffering. So many in my family are mentally ill from the side of my dad and I think in the family of my mom abuse was common. A deadly mix for me.
I also said to her that she will break the cycle. I am not 100% sure about the exact words but her implications were kind of stunning to me. She said to me that at least she will adopt a child so that the genes won't spread. But her answer implied that she will act the same way as her mom. Which is kind of stunning. Her mom probably had borderline, she has it. She said to me she really wants kids but only adopting them. Honestly, I have doubts whether that's a good idea. I had a droublesome childhood. And borderline women can give me great feelings. We often went through similar abuse. But in the longrun they are not good for me. I become dependent on them. But I have the feeling it feels like being on drugs. But there will come a crash. It is only a shortterm great feeling.
I think I would be a horrible dad. I think one reason is my fucked up childhood. Moreover, I am a total (bipolar) wreck. Do you think there is some truth in the quote of the title?
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