mylittlesponge
Grand cottonball supreme
- Aug 14, 2026
- 1
[I used to have an account on here, but a family member deleted it after I came clean and gave them my password. Dummy move..]
I'm a big nerd for web stuff, especially little niche corners of the Internet. My favorite things to learn were HTML, CSS, JS, yadayada you get it. When I was offered to help run a site a couple months back, I was nervous, but excited. It was one of those silly little "retroweb" sites with no ads, algorithms, proper privacy, so on. If you somehow know what this site is, please don't mention it.. I held out pretty long until about a month ago.
Somehow, there was constantly conflicts. Conflicts, conflicts, conflicts. No matter what you talked about, there was someone ready to argue with you about it. It was tolerable when it was just obnoxious teenagers, but when adults got involved, somehow it made me stress out. I didn't know these people. I probably never will, so why did it matter? I just wanted to keep the site safe. I'd wake up to 8 pings on Discord and know it was about the site, so I just bottled all of my stresses up and took them all head on. This is what made me worse, no doubt.
I was already depressed enough before this site, but the actual suicidal ideation started coming back when the stresses of the site just wouldn't stop. Drama, people getting mad at me for banning someone, site wars, my coworkers turning out to be bad people, harassment. I didn't expect all of this to happen just because I was a staff member, and one night, I made my first attempt. This was very early on; people were beginning to harass my family and I couldn't take that kind of guilt. It was a stupid attempt, no doubt. I had overdosed on my prescription painkillers but wussed out right as they started kicking in because, well, I have a fiancee, a family, pets I don't wanna abandon, friends. Honestly, my whole reason of not catching the bus is because of the people around me; they're good souls and I worry I will either disappoint them or greatly upset them when I decide to leave. Really, if it weren't for me being so heavyset and living with my family at the time, I don't think I would be here to type this out right now.. I hit the floor pretty hard
I eventually resigned. I couldn't take it. I felt like a scapegoat because somehow everyone's problems and complaints would be redirected to me because I was active, patient, and wanted to help people. I've started distancing from the site even as a "normal user" because honestly, the majority of "retroweb" sites tend to be a blight on my mental health. It's not that the userbases are all bad people! I just feel.. the bad ones make themselves very obvious. And it gets irritating, then upsetting, then stressful, then.. yeah, you get it already.
I don't know how many "random-niche-website" staff members feel this way, or even experience that kind of stuff on the regular. Regardless, my heart goes out to them because even I couldn't handle it, and I feel I'm pretty stubborn. I'm still struggling to this day, and sometimes, I wish I could just cover my eyes and half of the people who gave me bull just disappeared. I know it's childish, but that's the point I was at- and am still currently at- when I left.
I'm a big nerd for web stuff, especially little niche corners of the Internet. My favorite things to learn were HTML, CSS, JS, yadayada you get it. When I was offered to help run a site a couple months back, I was nervous, but excited. It was one of those silly little "retroweb" sites with no ads, algorithms, proper privacy, so on. If you somehow know what this site is, please don't mention it.. I held out pretty long until about a month ago.
Somehow, there was constantly conflicts. Conflicts, conflicts, conflicts. No matter what you talked about, there was someone ready to argue with you about it. It was tolerable when it was just obnoxious teenagers, but when adults got involved, somehow it made me stress out. I didn't know these people. I probably never will, so why did it matter? I just wanted to keep the site safe. I'd wake up to 8 pings on Discord and know it was about the site, so I just bottled all of my stresses up and took them all head on. This is what made me worse, no doubt.
I was already depressed enough before this site, but the actual suicidal ideation started coming back when the stresses of the site just wouldn't stop. Drama, people getting mad at me for banning someone, site wars, my coworkers turning out to be bad people, harassment. I didn't expect all of this to happen just because I was a staff member, and one night, I made my first attempt. This was very early on; people were beginning to harass my family and I couldn't take that kind of guilt. It was a stupid attempt, no doubt. I had overdosed on my prescription painkillers but wussed out right as they started kicking in because, well, I have a fiancee, a family, pets I don't wanna abandon, friends. Honestly, my whole reason of not catching the bus is because of the people around me; they're good souls and I worry I will either disappoint them or greatly upset them when I decide to leave. Really, if it weren't for me being so heavyset and living with my family at the time, I don't think I would be here to type this out right now.. I hit the floor pretty hard
I eventually resigned. I couldn't take it. I felt like a scapegoat because somehow everyone's problems and complaints would be redirected to me because I was active, patient, and wanted to help people. I've started distancing from the site even as a "normal user" because honestly, the majority of "retroweb" sites tend to be a blight on my mental health. It's not that the userbases are all bad people! I just feel.. the bad ones make themselves very obvious. And it gets irritating, then upsetting, then stressful, then.. yeah, you get it already.
I don't know how many "random-niche-website" staff members feel this way, or even experience that kind of stuff on the regular. Regardless, my heart goes out to them because even I couldn't handle it, and I feel I'm pretty stubborn. I'm still struggling to this day, and sometimes, I wish I could just cover my eyes and half of the people who gave me bull just disappeared. I know it's childish, but that's the point I was at- and am still currently at- when I left.
