some of you been here for so long

[weakandscared]

I don't have one. There isn't really anything that I can do besides drowning during day time which sounds awful and unlikely to actually work. I can't access guns because I'm not in the US. I can't access SN because I live with family who are strict when it comes to me... this is also why I can't access things such as a portable generator for CO or a rope for hanging. Even I could manage to sneak these things around, I don't really have anywhere to do it as there just isn't any safe place for me to do it; not to mention that I also can't leave at night due to family so there's that idea gone. I can't travel to mexico on my own so I can't really get N either.

The only methods that I can really do are methods that are related to the outside environment such as jumping, train and drowning. There aren't any buildings near me which I can just jump off so I'm not doing that (besides, my SI is too great for that anyway), I can't get run over by a train because there aren't any near me and also because of SI. The only method that I can realistically do is drowning but even that is unlikely to actually work.

And, no, I don't think I can ever be independent due to my autism

yeah i have no idea how people can ctb by drowning unless they're on heavy drugs that prevent from them understanding, survival instinct is too easy to kick in. you don't have to use a rope for hanging you can use a sheet, belt scarf or shoelace too. hanging is probably the worst way though :(

I don't think we are quite ready yet.

We say we can't access a reliable method, are waiting for some life event to pass, can't until some date in the future etc.

Once we are ready, we will find a way and CTB.

That's just my belief anyway.

what percent of users would you think are successful?

 

[Praestat_Mori]

When I was very suicidal last year - that was around the time when I made my account here - I did not attempt. I assume although I felt ready and I wanted to die so much to be finally relieved I didn't even really attempt bc probably there was too much hope left. I'm much less suicidal now and probably I'll be stuck here for many more years.

 

[Render]

When I was very suicidal last year - that was around the time when I made my account here - I did not attempt. I assume although I felt ready and I wanted to die so much to be finally relieved I didn't even really attempt bc probably there was too much hope left. I'm much less suicidal now and probably I'll be stuck here for many more years.

I've read the forum off-and-on for a long time now, and I'm always happy to see your name. I'm glad you're not dead.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I've read the forum off-and-on for a long time now, and I'm always happy to see your name. I'm glad you're not dead.

Such comments make it even harder to CTB!

If I only had hope and energy for a serious recovery attempt.

 

[Render]

Such comments make it even harder to CTB!

If I only had hope and energy for a serious recovery attempt.

We take it one day at a time.

 

[Ash]

As others have said, it's not a race and it's nobody else's business.

 

[BardBarrie]

There was a time I didn't think I'd make it to 18. But now I'm 33

I remember "promising" to myself I'll never reach 18, method at the time was to jump in front of a train. . . couldn't do it no matter how many times I went to the tracks; as soon as the passing trains appeared I'd freeze on the platform.

Am 35 now, fuck me.
Part of it is distractions, but the major reason I'm still here is because I'm afraid of the trauma of suicide and keep procrastinating.

 

[bookgirl]

I haven't been here that long but maybe I can make a successful attempt this year

 

[TheGoodGuy]

I came here to look for suicide methods and to me there are two barriers keeping me from ctb first one is I can´t bring myself to do it knowing it will ruin my parents lives and the second barrier is I am a coward I don´t have the courage to ctb I kept thinking it would happen and as I get older I don´t trust that I will do it.

At 15 I told some friends I would never live to see 20 and throughout my twenties I kept thinking "this will be my last year" or I thought I wouldn´t live to be 21, 22, 23 and certainly not above 25! Then I turned 25 and it kept on going I will not live to be 26, 27 etc. and now in 10 days I will be 30 years old I can´t believe how weak I am it seems like since I was 14 and became suicidal it was all just suicidal fantasies that I never had any courage to actually pull off. But I do hope I will manage to ctb eventually and hopefully before I become much older, I can´t imagine anything worse than watching myself grow old to the point of having rinkled skin, hairloss and collapsing bones especially in the face which can even be seen now which it can on everyone like if you compare a photo of yourself at 15-18 and to now if you´re in your mid-twenties plus it´s obvious to see how much our bones keeps growing especially the face deform our perfect previous youthfull faces. I hope I will not experience much more than what I am seeing now because aging scares the shit out of me.

Anyways. I also stayed on the site because it is nice to have a place to discuss suicidal thoughts and this forum is the only place for that you can´t discuss it elsewhere not in real life and not anywhere I have been on the internet, everywhere is infested with pro-lifers so I naturally always come back to this site. And I know when you look and see I joined in 2018 6 years ago! It looks like a lot which I guess it is but most people on here have been suicidal for more than 6 years they just didn´t have an account back then that´s the only difference.

 

[weakandscared]

I remember "promising" to myself I'll never reach 18, method at the time was to jump in front of a train. . . couldn't do it no matter how many times I went to the tracks; as soon as the passing trains appeared I'd freeze on the platform.

Am 35 now, fuck me.
Part of it is distractions, but the major reason I'm still here is because I'm afraid of the trauma of suicide and keep procrastinating.

we don't even have trains near here i doubt it takes a long time to die but it's an awfully selfish way to do it, the driver did nothing wrong. you never had any other plans?

 

[heisenberg]

for me, i first came to the site because i just wanted a place to talk about my depression and suicidal thoughts. at first it was that i didn't have the means to ctb. now, i do, and it now comes down to picking a date and doing things i want to do for the first/last time.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

I can't ctb as that would destroy my boyfriend. He already spent 7 years taking care of his dying mother, alone, now his life started with me and I can't do that to him. I know if I did it, he would ctb and I would never forgive myself.

He is my family.

 

[weakandscared]

for me, i first came to the site because i just wanted a place to talk about my depression and suicidal thoughts. at first it was that i didn't have the means to ctb. now, i do, and it now comes down to picking a date and doing things i want to do for the first/last time.

what's the means?

 

[tsumihoroboshi]

i don't have reliable methods to guarantee a success as i've failed too many times before with cutting, OD-ing, other impulsive things that were poorly planned. i cannot acquire SN or N at the moment as i'm too stupid to understand how it works despite the many things i've read on here about it.

i currently have no firearms and no way to get them despite living in texas, the absolute irony. it's also very messy and i'd rather my body no be anymore ugly than it already is in death.

i cannot drive and have no garage and therefore have no ways of dying from CO poisoning. i cannot just buy what i need because i'm agoraphobic and can't leave the house because someone else will definitely kill me instead and i refuse to give him that luxury.

hanging is possible however i have nowhere to hang from except a tree outside but i live in a trailer park so people will definitely see and i'd rather be in the comfort of my own home.

i've wanted to die by method of getting run over by a train however the trains here are for cargo and are not fast enough slice me through, and the agoraphobia is keeping me from leaving the house to even do that. any method that requires me leaving the house or having a car is out of the question.

i have an idea of what might work as i've made this combo (by accident) before and definitely almost died from the interaction they had with each other. i won't say the method because it's embarrassingly stupid and it could've been a fluke, so when i'm tired of "seeing and waiting" for things to get better knowing they realistically never will and also get over my fear of the nothingness that comes with death and lack of conscious thought, i will try this method.

i'm interested in the hypothermia method, however i don't want to be found without clothes and i feel having clothes on will make the method not as successful but that's just an assumption.

many people here seem to have people they know care about them and don't want to devastate them, i however have no such people that would give a shit. instead there are still some things i want to see before i die. just those small things. i no longer know if it's worth the pain of existing though.

 

[turbomightbegone]

I believe I am bipolar, I constantly keep backing out of actually making a plan and I can never make my mind up for literally anything. I'm very sensitive to pain and I fear the concept of death, and I also fear the reactions my friends would have. My options are limited anyways, I have access to literally

People come to this site for many reasons, there's no guarantee that they'll actually go along and cbt. As other people said, it is not a race, it's something that should be seriously talked over and done by choice.

 

[belowhorizon]

I was ready to CTB but I found out here that curing salt is useless for that I had to purchase and wait again. I've always thought of dying before my parents and I intend to do that. I've provided for them since I was 19, but I feel like that's not enough for everything that they've done for me and my sibling.

 

[Demian]

I found the site while I was looking for methods and I stayed on the site for several reasons apart from the methods.

Then I found a thread that talked about a method that was similar to N. So I bought the ingredients, which were 3, but I only got 2, but the 2 were the main ones:

3 grams of morphine
20 grams of phenobarbital (in my case 21)

In November 2023 I took it and knelt down in a bathtub full of water, to drown (I wanted to die quickly), but the drugs would already do that, but it would take 1 hour.

I was supposed to pass out in 2 minutes and fall into a coma in 5 minutes, but that's not what happened. So 10 minutes passed and I panicked, called for help, stayed in a coma for 15 days and miraculously survived without sequelae.

Today my fear is that I'll do it again and have sequelae.

I'm considering sodium thiopental, but I'm still at risk of surviving, as there was a guy who survived 13 grams of N.

I don't know what I'm going to do...

 

[weakandscared]

i don't have reliable methods to guarantee a success as i've failed too many times before with cutting, OD-ing, other impulsive things that were poorly planned. i cannot acquire SN or N at the moment as i'm too stupid to understand how it works despite the many things i've read on here about it.

i currently have no firearms and no way to get them despite living in texas, the absolute irony. it's also very messy and i'd rather my body no be anymore ugly than it already is in death.

i cannot drive and have no garage and therefore have no ways of dying from CO poisoning. i cannot just buy what i need because i'm agoraphobic and can't leave the house because someone else will definitely kill me instead and i refuse to give him that luxury.

hanging is possible however i have nowhere to hang from except a tree outside but i live in a trailer park so people will definitely see and i'd rather be in the comfort of my own home.

i've wanted to die by method of getting run over by a train however the trains here are for cargo and are not fast enough slice me through, and the agoraphobia is keeping me from leaving the house to even do that. any method that requires me leaving the house or having a car is out of the question.

i have an idea of what might work as i've made this combo (by accident) before and definitely almost died from the interaction they had with each other. i won't say the method because it's embarrassingly stupid and it could've been a fluke, so when i'm tired of "seeing and waiting" for things to get better knowing they realistically never will and also get over my fear of the nothingness that comes with death and lack of conscious thought, i will try this method.

i'm interested in the hypothermia method, however i don't want to be found without clothes and i feel having clothes on will make the method not as successful but that's just an assumption.

many people here seem to have people they know care about them and don't want to devastate them, i however have no such people that would give a shit. instead there are still some things i want to see before i die. just those small things. i no longer know if it's worth the pain of existing though.

i don't have reliable methods to guarantee a success as i've failed too many times before with cutting, OD-ing, other impulsive things that were poorly planned. i cannot acquire SN or N at the moment as i'm too stupid to understand how it works despite the many things i've read on here about it.

i currently have no firearms and no way to get them despite living in texas, the absolute irony. it's also very messy and i'd rather my body no be anymore ugly than it already is in death.

i cannot drive and have no garage and therefore have no ways of dying from CO poisoning. i cannot just buy what i need because i'm agoraphobic and can't leave the house because someone else will definitely kill me instead and i refuse to give him that luxury.

hanging is possible however i have nowhere to hang from except a tree outside but i live in a trailer park so people will definitely see and i'd rather be in the comfort of my own home.

i've wanted to die by method of getting run over by a train however the trains here are for cargo and are not fast enough slice me through, and the agoraphobia is keeping me from leaving the house to even do that. any method that requires me leaving the house or having a car is out of the question.

i have an idea of what might work as i've made this combo (by accident) before and definitely almost died from the interaction they had with each other. i won't say the method because it's embarrassingly stupid and it could've been a fluke, so when i'm tired of "seeing and waiting" for things to get better knowing they realistically never will and also get over my fear of the nothingness that comes with death and lack of conscious thought, i will try this method.

i'm interested in the hypothermia method, however i don't want to be found without clothes and i feel having clothes on will make the method not as successful but that's just an assumption.

many people here seem to have people they know care about them and don't want to devastate them, i however have no such people that would give a shit. instead there are still some things i want to see before i die. just those small things. i no longer know if it's worth the pain of existing though.

well yeah cutting and overdosing on most pills will never work. im very confused with what you're talking about with the carbon monoxide thing. do you have a closet with a rack in your trailer? when i attempted hanging i slipped the noose over the door and closed it, then stepped off the chair. if you aren't dumb like me and your feet don't touch the ground it'll work

 

[tsumihoroboshi]

well yeah cutting and overdosing on most pills will never work. im very confused with what you're talking about with the carbon monoxide thing. do you have a closet with a rack in your trailer? when i attempted hanging i slipped the noose over the door and closed it, then stepped off the chair. if you aren't dumb like me and your feet don't touch the ground it'll work

i dont know where im supposed to get the carbon monoxide

 

[weakandscared]

i dont know where im supposed to get the carbon monoxide

well it depends if you live alone or not, the options are a portable generator, burning charcoal or a car with a shitty engine running in an enclosed space

 

[tsumihoroboshi]

well it depends if you live alone or not, the options are a portable generator, burning charcoal or a car with a shitty engine running in an enclosed space

i dont live alone, i mentioned the car thing isn't optional. but i saw your other thread about the generator. it's not in my immediate price range yet but it's something useful to consider when i'm able to be alone and can afford it. hopefully get it online.

 

[willitpass]

I nearly died by SN within less than 9 months of joining here. After that I went to the psych ward for 8 months and actually did go through a brief period of recovery. Since I returned back here in I believe November 2022, I've had a few close calls but to be quite honest after having had 3 serious attempts I have a lot of trauma around it that makes my SI very hard to overcome. The trauma of nearly dying as well as a crippling fear of ever going back to the abusive hell that is a psych ward makes things so much harder than they were the first time around. I'm absolutely terrified I'll survive and have to see the hurt on my fathers face, that I'll have to go back to the psych ward, that they'll deem me unsafe to care for myself and god forbid take away my rights to myself. It's beyond horrifying. At this point I've started self harming severely enough that it could kill me through starvation, dehydration, and medication overdoses in hopes that my body just gets tired and gives up without me having to do it.

 

[BardBarrie]

we don't even have trains near here i doubt it takes a long time to die but it's an awfully selfish way to do it, the driver did nothing wrong. you never had any other plans?

Hanging. But just lacking the drive to do it even though I don't want to live.

Hopefully I'll get there one day and it'll be minimally traumatic.

 

[weakandscared]

Hanging. But just lacking the drive to do it even though I don't want to live.

Hopefully I'll get there one day and it'll be minimally traumatic.

that was my method i thought i'd use for a while, but i failed at it twice. i really think it's the worst method (after fire and drowning). so i moved onto the generator thing. :( it makes me feel so stupid because there's been hundreds of literal children under 12 that hung themselves

 

[BardBarrie]

that was my method i thought i'd use for a while, but i failed at it twice. i really think it's the worst method (after fire and drowning). so i moved onto the generator thing. :( it makes me feel so stupid because there's been hundreds of literal children under 12 that hung themselves

Yeah, I've got a metal pull-up station thing, hoping to get drunk and do a full suspension.

I wish we had access to voluntary humane euthanasia instead of having to resort to shit like suicide.

 

[weakandscared]

Yeah, I've got a metal pull-up station thing, hoping to get drunk and do a full suspension.

I wish we had access to voluntary humane euthanasia instead of having to resort to shit like suicide.

me too it's just cruel, at the very least they should let us have guns we wouldn't hurt anyone else

 

[Anon1337]

I think you have the wrong idea about this site. Not everyone comes here to ctb. I mostly come here to vent and find some solace.

 

[whywere]

I think you have the wrong idea about this site. Not everyone comes here to ctb. I mostly come here to vent and find some solace.

100% agree with you. This is like going to a mall. One might buy something in one of the stores OR maybe to talk and observe and help.

Walter

 

[lovelydeath]

Well i came here in 2022 to ctb from self loathing but one thing my mental disability did is make me forget everything as i usually forget everything major in my life. i even see miracles and keep forgetting what they are and that makes me upset. and then idk even know what was 2023 and my posts here but now im back to where i started with self loathing so here i am still. but im religious now so idk what to do. im like hyperfixated on the afterlife now so i guess thats my way of dying.. for now

 

[weakandscared]

Well i came here in 2022 to ctb from self loathing but one thing my mental disability did is make me forget everything as i usually forget everything major in my life. i even see miracles and keep forgetting what they are and that makes me upset. and then idk even know what was 2023 and my posts here but now im back to where i started with self loathing so here i am still. but im religious now so idk what to do. im like hyperfixated on the afterlife now so i guess thats my way of dying.. for now

there is no afterlife, when you die you're done. no pain no nothing just gone