some of you been here for so long

[moshimoshi]

I think this site can be really amazing as a safe place for people with mental illness, disabilities, and illnesses in general regardless if someone plans to CTB or not. Also for people who have no friends and little support network. Outside of here, I find that talking about these things, or negative things in general, can be seen as trauma dumping or are generally socially unacceptable unless the person happens to think the way you do, if you're very close to them, or they're a therapist. I also find that a lot of people here have similar interests as me, and I've never really been able to click very well with any other social media quite like I do here. Not only that but people here can be really kind and empathetic. Comments/replies on some other platforms can be so vile and definitely decrease my faith in humanity. So maybe that's the reason some people who have been here a super long time stuck around, although I can't speak for them of course haha

 

[makingaplan]

Suicide isn't a race. I've been on and off planning for my suicide and backing out again constantly for years now. I have my reasons but mainly because my dysfunctional family including my sick mother needs me, or at least I tell myself that. I guess I'm one of the hypocritical frauds by staying here and not doing the very the thing I came here for, but alas I'm pathetic but hey it's whatever at this point.

Taking care of your family is Noble. Good job. :)

 

[Jorms_McGander]

Yea my first suicide plan was for age 18 and now I'm 37. Go figure.

 

[BooGirl]

I live with my parents, and I dunno when I'm going to not live with my parents. That's really all there is to it- I would've ordered SN back when it was still easily accessible if I could've, but they would've seen the package. I could potentially try bridge jumping, but that's an incredibly difficult method. More likely is I travel at some point for some other method , but mustering the will to do literally anything is excruciatingly difficult.

I didn't think I would reach 18, then I didn't think I would reach 20, and now I don't think I'll reach 25. At this point I'm self-aware enough to know that my perception there is probably wrong, but all I can do is wait and see.

 

[BojackHorseman]

I see people with super old accounts on here all the time and im just wondering why and how? how many times have you guys failed at this? what methods have you tried? i have had 2 unfortunately (one at 15, one at 17, im now 18) but i think my 3rd will be the charm. i don't understand how it's even possible for people to live past like 20, i can't imagine myself getting to that point at all

Well... not sure how to explain it. I'm in my mid 30s and trust me, I sure as fuck didn't intend to live past 20 or so. But life kinda just... happens. Between work and school, finding the "right" time and method, writing final good bye letters, fighting the fear and biologic survival instinct. It's hard. I hate hearing people say suicide is the "easy way out" cause there ain't a damn thing easy bout it.

All through school I was an honors/AP student, until I started to really crack my junior year. I made the decision to hang myself in the woods when the time was right and I had written/said my goodbyes. So senior year I went a little nuts. Dropped my AP classes since I didn't plan to live long enough for college anyways. Long story short, I did dumb reckless teenage shit. Got a job when I graduated and kinda fell into that adulting life of work and sleep. Idk what happened. Next thing I knew I had a wonderful man who adores me, and I now had obligations to stay around. I know I sound ungrateful and I'm sorry. I don't have the actively suicidal thoughts every day anymore. But I still have very bad days of suicidal thoughts when I'm sleep deprived or overwhelmed with adulting. I really struggled in my mid twenties when people I went to high school with were graduating college. I was facing the repercussions of not having any life plans and panicking, but in my defense I didn't plan because I didn't count on there being a life to plan for.

So yeah I'm here for my husband and my dogs and my grandma. Without them, I do think I would go through with ending it.

 

[Lady Laudanum]

I'm not suicidal at the moment but maybe I should do the world a favour and be suicidal again haha

 

[Abyssal]

Nearing a year now from when I made my first account. It's just a cycle of failing to die, getting better, getting worse, then failing to die again. Been this way for 12 years with varying levels of severity.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

If I end up making it to the two-year mark I'll just give up on suicide for good.

I'm not suicidal at the moment but maybe I should do the world a favour and be suicidal again haha

The world can go F itself

 

[kunikuzushi]

what's your plan?

sorry I just saw this. I had SN about 3 or 4 years ago but I stupidly told my best friend about it and he took it. who knows where it is now. and now I'm too exhausted to find a source because back then it was available on amazon. but anyway maybe sn wouldn't be good for me now anyway because i would hate waiting minutes for it to take effect. I'm leaning towards inert gas maybe