AngelTears
Last Days
- Jun 10, 2023
- 63
Title pretty much sums this up. I think being sober feels completely pointless. I think I just painted the illusion in my head that being sober would make my life better, but I just remember what made me want to use again in the first place. I keep forgetting it's what's been keeping me alive, but it's also made me want to die as well, so I feel like everything in life, it can be seen a cycle or a circle. If you go too far in either direction you'll end up in the same place eventually.
I really feel like I truly don't know what to do anymore. I've been increasingly spending more time on my own and that is just a horrible thing when you're sober. I'm thinking about throwing sobriety in the trash for good and just use until I eventually die.
One of the major problems I've been encountering sober is that I can't read people anymore and it drives me crazy. I can't see their intentions and just end up feeling used or deceived. I feel like my heart is being twisted and squeezed all the time. I hate feeling this alone all the time and I hate even more that being high is the only thing that helps me feel somewhat ok.
I don't know anymore. I think it's been so long that I've felt love and warmth that I just confuse acts of kindness with something else. I don't know. I've hindered my ability to cop today to think what the hell I want to do, but I really think I'm giving up on this.
I really feel like I truly don't know what to do anymore. I've been increasingly spending more time on my own and that is just a horrible thing when you're sober. I'm thinking about throwing sobriety in the trash for good and just use until I eventually die.
One of the major problems I've been encountering sober is that I can't read people anymore and it drives me crazy. I can't see their intentions and just end up feeling used or deceived. I feel like my heart is being twisted and squeezed all the time. I hate feeling this alone all the time and I hate even more that being high is the only thing that helps me feel somewhat ok.
I don't know anymore. I think it's been so long that I've felt love and warmth that I just confuse acts of kindness with something else. I don't know. I've hindered my ability to cop today to think what the hell I want to do, but I really think I'm giving up on this.
