How you look to others depends on how you look to yourself. There is no question that I am fucking ugly. I was born with deformities to my arm and face. My eyes are crooked, and my lower face is asymmetrical. I spent my younger years (teens to 40's) tricking myself into thinking I look OK and that people will trust and like me if I am smart and polite with a good sense of humor. Somehow I managed to marry a girl who is way out of my league, have two healthy smart ass kids through whom I live vicariously, and established a decent business with daily client interaction. Unfortunately, reality of life, depression, and anxiety caught up with me and I can no longer keep up my charade. All I want now is to ctb in my sleep. There are many posts here asking whether lots of money will change a person's mind about ctb. Many say no. For me, all I want is to not have a fucked up face and arm. There is so much more I could accomplish as a normal person. I think I got the brains, but I just need the looks.