wiIIow
Arcanist
- Sep 22, 2018
- 458
once again, I emerge from the woodwork to present another pointless vent post (which gets a little TMI, as a warning)
I'm just so fucking sick of being in constant goddamn pain. It just wasn't enough to have a shit brain, I also have to have chronic pain in a world with incompetent doctors that can't or won't bother helping or diagnosing me.
it's bad enough to be in a constant pendulum swing between depression/anxiety, insomnia/hypersomnia, mania/absolute distress and sensory overload with a nice coating of dissociation and derealization... without feeling like you have a bowling ball covered in thorns in your bladder, and an open festering wound between your legs 24/7. Not to mention not being able to fucking eat without getting sick or being in loads of pain. I don't even remember what post-piss relief feels like because there's always a burning urge to urinate, even after I've just done the damn thing. I can't even cross my legs without discomfort or extreme pain.
I've never really gone into detail here about my physical problems, but boy are there a lot of them. they're totally debilitating and I have to just fucking function like it isn't torture every waking hour of my life. I wasted years chasing after doctors, begging to know wtf is wrong with me and being treated like a stupid hysterical woman that needs to see a shrink. I haven't been able to bring myself to try again ever since that fucking surgery that I never asked for. The surgeon was my gyno, use your imagination. You could say that he, quite literally, destroyed my pussy. Jokes are fun. Anyway, it was quite traumatic to inform this doctor that the surprise surgery made the pain much worse, and to be yelled at and told that "that is literally not possible" and that I need to see a shrink. That all my pain is 100% in my head. Cool. Thanks for the surgery that I thought was only going to be a thorough examination that I couldn't be awake for.
anyway. my body is a prison and I'm tired. what's up
I'm just so fucking sick of being in constant goddamn pain. It just wasn't enough to have a shit brain, I also have to have chronic pain in a world with incompetent doctors that can't or won't bother helping or diagnosing me.
it's bad enough to be in a constant pendulum swing between depression/anxiety, insomnia/hypersomnia, mania/absolute distress and sensory overload with a nice coating of dissociation and derealization... without feeling like you have a bowling ball covered in thorns in your bladder, and an open festering wound between your legs 24/7. Not to mention not being able to fucking eat without getting sick or being in loads of pain. I don't even remember what post-piss relief feels like because there's always a burning urge to urinate, even after I've just done the damn thing. I can't even cross my legs without discomfort or extreme pain.
I've never really gone into detail here about my physical problems, but boy are there a lot of them. they're totally debilitating and I have to just fucking function like it isn't torture every waking hour of my life. I wasted years chasing after doctors, begging to know wtf is wrong with me and being treated like a stupid hysterical woman that needs to see a shrink. I haven't been able to bring myself to try again ever since that fucking surgery that I never asked for. The surgeon was my gyno, use your imagination. You could say that he, quite literally, destroyed my pussy. Jokes are fun. Anyway, it was quite traumatic to inform this doctor that the surprise surgery made the pain much worse, and to be yelled at and told that "that is literally not possible" and that I need to see a shrink. That all my pain is 100% in my head. Cool. Thanks for the surgery that I thought was only going to be a thorough examination that I couldn't be awake for.
anyway. my body is a prison and I'm tired. what's up
