Venting Chronic illness and doing endless chores for a body that does not "give back"

[Topaz111]

I am disabled and have multiple chronic illnesses.
I am utterly exhausted by this ungrateful sack of flesh.

I went to a doctor 6 times this month.

Every day I:
-take 30 pills (perscription and suppliments)
-rinse my sinuses
-use cream for acne
-use eye drops 5+ times a day
-heat, massage and clean my eyelids 2x a day
-do breath excersizes for my diaphragm
-go on a walk for mental health

I might be forgetting some stuff, but this is all bs that healthy people don't have to deal with. You have no idea just how many hours I am wasting every single day and have been doing so for years.
Not to mention the financial burden of all the doctor visits (public healthcare can have 1-3 year wait time so I have to go private most of the time) and the cost of all the drugs and suppliments.
Being disabled is incredibly expensive and time consuming. Fuck everyone who says being on disability is "lazy" or "easy".

The worst part though is that despite all the chores and money I spend on this piece of shit living corpse, all I get is slightly less pain and suffering. Slightly better quality of life.
Still nowhere near enough to make me want to live. All this work and no improvement, just preventing a more rapid decline.
I hate being alive.
I hate this is the circumstance I was forced into.
I wish I used stronger rope when I was 11, nothing after that was "worth it".

 

[Lost in a Dream]

I'm sorry about the hell you're experiencing, I truly am. Most I have to deal with is mental health problems and tooth problems which are bad enough as it is, but I can still cope with alcohol. Wish I could cure your illnesses so you didn't have to see the doctor so much or take so many meds. I wish life WAS worth living for you but I can understand why it isn't.

I just wanted to leave a post to show someone gives a shit, for what it's worth. I know it may not be worth much but this is the best I can do.

 

[ThisPartySucks]

i hope you can find a path to peace

 

[Topaz111]

I'm sorry about the hell you're experiencing, I truly am. Most I have to deal with is mental health problems and tooth problems which are bad enough as it is, but I can still cope with alcohol. Wish I could cure your illnesses so you didn't have to see the doctor so much or take so many meds. I wish life WAS worth living for you but I can understand why it isn't.

I just wanted to leave a post to show someone gives a shit, for what it's worth. I know it may not be worth much but this is the best I can do.

Thank you, I really appreciate it. I know people here can't cure my illnesses, but it helps to know I am heard and my suffering isn't going unseen.
I am wishing you the best in your illnesses too. Tooth stuff can really mess you up with how close it is to the brain and it's so painful too.

i hope you can find a path to peace

Thank you!

 

[Lost in a Dream]

Thank you, I really appreciate it. I know people here can't cure my illnesses, but it helps to know I am heard and my suffering isn't going unseen.
I am wishing you the best in your illnesses too. Tooth stuff can really mess you up with how close it is to the brain and it's so painful too.

And on top of everything, I have another chronic health problem to deal with where my sinuses drain down my throat and it makes me gag sometimes. It sucks especially bad after eating food because it's a struggle sometimes to not throw up and sometimes I actually do. It's just another reason I want to die unfortunately.

 

[Topaz111]

And on top of everything, I have another chronic health problem to deal with where my sinuses drain down my throat and it makes me gag sometimes. It sucks especially bad after eating food because it's a struggle sometimes to not throw up and sometimes I actually do. It's just another reason I want to die unfortunately.

It's pretty insane how many people insist depression and suicide are "just an effect of chemical brain imbalance" when there are so many reasons for such deep suffering where suicidality is such a normal, natural reaction.
So many of us here are on SaSu due to chronic health issues, my heart goes to all of you.