So....My sn came in

[Deleted member 65988]

I genuinely don't know how to feel, I'm staring at a bottle of my sn, the one thing that will end me and it feels so surreal but at the same time, it feels real and it feels like I'm on borrowed time. When I shake it, it feels all clumped up together like salt thats been laying there for a while so I take it that means it has no anti-caking agent. I've got a funeral to attend this weekend of my great-grandmother and it feels crazy that within a few months, once I get other things in order then it could realistically be over.

I didn't even expect it to today because all I got was a confirmation that it was at that warehouse ready for dispatch but I did say I wanted it next week Tuesday but I guess they just delivered it anyway and luckily for me, my mom wasn't here to see the truck.

 

[90starve]

congratulations on receiving your SN! i can't imagine how weird a feeling it must be to hold a substance that's capable of ending all this suffering.

 

[Owl_07]

Glad you were able to receive your sn without problems! I received mine a few days ago and I can very well understand the ambivalent feeling holding it in your hand. Terrifying and liberating at the same time

 

[Konnsz]

was it hard to get it in your hands?

Where did you buy it?

 

[Deleted member 65988]

was it hard to get it in your hands?

Where did you buy it?

It's a local source from the country I'm from, relatively easy and no questions asked about how I'd utilize it but they were professional about it, even gave me a certification of analysis, they actually tested it and it came out to be 99.5%.

Glad you were able to receive your sn without problems! I received mine a few days ago and I can very well understand the ambivalent feeling holding it in your hand. Terrifying and liberating at the same time

It's shocking to me because its no more just about going through the thoughts of getting it and using but it's actually here, with me in my room, ready to use at the time of my choosing. I just I could talk through my feelings more about it.

 

[Konnsz]

what are your plans? any specific thing you want to do before using the SN?

how are you feeling about this whole situation?

 

[Owl_07]

Also for me the passage between the research/choice of the method and the concrete availability of your ticket in your hands is something very delicate to elaborate. All of a sudden what will destroy you is there in front of you, in a few centimeters of plastic. And you deeply feel how much it depends only on youself, all the responsibility for your life and your death. One of the most private feelings we can ever experience i guess.

It's a local source from the country I'm from, relatively easy and no questions asked about how I'd utilize it but they were professional about it, even gave me a certification of analysis, they actually tested it and it came out to be 99.5%.

I don't want to be indiscreet, but in which country did you manage to get it?

 

[Deleted member 65988]

what are your plans? any specific thing you want to do before using the SN?

how are you feeling about this whole situation?

Geez, I don't know where to start. When I found this forum and the funny thing is, i didn't try to look for it, let alone know it existed, it was to look more into methods like night-night and Partial but then SN caught my eye and that was it, I looked for sources here locally and found em, spoke them over the last few months to make sure the Sn was right because I didn't want to repeat the experiences of others members here which was rather unfortunate in their cases where the sn wasn't pure enough or it was tainted or whatever else.

My plans right now is just to relax, compile all the things I've learnt and just go for it when I know I have the opportunity to.

I did want to take SN with just Ibuprofen but of course, AEs are like a safety measure should you vomit even if it doesn't guarantee you won't vomit at all since some people take Aes and vomit anyway while others didn't, vomited a little and then passed.

I will try to outsource AE and get a scale to measure out the sn was precisely as possible which will be 25 grams although I'm not sure I should take a little less according to the chart I have.

Until then, I'm just dealing the the fact that this is surreal and I'm ever closer to freedom.

Also for me the passage between the research/choice of the method and the concrete availability of your ticket in your hands is something very delicate to elaborate. All of a sudden what will destroy you is there in front of you, in a few centimeters of plastic. And you deeply feel how much it depends only on youself, all the responsibility for your life and your death. One of the most private feelings we can ever experience i guess.



I don't want to be indiscreet, but in which country did you manage to get it?

very well said. I can't describe the feeling I got when I opened the box to see that bottle, right there.

Sorry but I don't want to share which country it's in but it is a 3rd world country that doesn't seem aware of SN CTB as the US, Canada, Australia, UK etc...

 

[pakitaposnapo]

Hi, quick question, are you from US or outside of it? Been really meaning to find SN like that in Asia. And how much did you get it?

 

[daft]

It gives you a sense of peace when it arrives. Like you're the one in control of your life.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

Hi, quick question, are you from US or outside of it? Been really meaning to find SN like that in Asia. And how much did you get it?

Outside of both, I paid about $18.

It gives you a sense of peace when it arrives. Like you're the one in control of your life.

I was shocked that it came into today, my brother asked what it was and I just told it's another one of those Japanese books I collect and read.

 

[FuneralCry]

I imagine it must be a relief having a way to finally free yourself from this existence, I wish you the best with your plans.