Hello -
The beginning of 2024 left me wondering how much longer I could go in life. I felt like I had three options - CTB, going back to prison or dying all by myself in some public hospice like my father did. Of the three, CTB was the best option. I made a deal with myself that I would try to straighten out my life before committing to CTB. I said the best I could was another year or two and I would CTB. Then I had been compromised in a bad situation where it's possible that I could go to prison for a very long time. So my timeline moved from 1.5 years to ASAP.
I read about SN and had no problem getting it. I decided to do a "dry run" by taking a few sips. The experience was not pleasant. I felt weak, ill and the vomiting was bad. True, I didn't take those extra steps of using antiemtics but I don't think it would had mitigated the experience. Then it hit me - why not just OD on opioids?
I used them recreationally for year. I did a "dry run" by taking 10 Lortabs, Nyquil and codeine at a nice hotel. I told myself that this was my reward. But it was a disguised attempt. I was watching a movie when it all hit me. I blacked out. That's never happened. I woke up hours later in the same position that I blacked out in with my laptop in my hands. It wasn't unpleasant. I thought what a great way to CTB. I asked my dealer if he could get me fentanyl and he said yes. I am hoping he pulls through. That is my method. From what I read, people who OD on fentanyl get high and then blackout. I can't think of a better way to go. The whole SN seems overbearing and I find ironic that it was easier to get than fentanyl. Once I secure it, I need to pick a date.
Isn't a fentanyl overdose way more easy, cheaper and pleasant than SN overdose? I am not sure what I am missing.
The beginning of 2024 left me wondering how much longer I could go in life. I felt like I had three options - CTB, going back to prison or dying all by myself in some public hospice like my father did. Of the three, CTB was the best option. I made a deal with myself that I would try to straighten out my life before committing to CTB. I said the best I could was another year or two and I would CTB. Then I had been compromised in a bad situation where it's possible that I could go to prison for a very long time. So my timeline moved from 1.5 years to ASAP.
I read about SN and had no problem getting it. I decided to do a "dry run" by taking a few sips. The experience was not pleasant. I felt weak, ill and the vomiting was bad. True, I didn't take those extra steps of using antiemtics but I don't think it would had mitigated the experience. Then it hit me - why not just OD on opioids?
I used them recreationally for year. I did a "dry run" by taking 10 Lortabs, Nyquil and codeine at a nice hotel. I told myself that this was my reward. But it was a disguised attempt. I was watching a movie when it all hit me. I blacked out. That's never happened. I woke up hours later in the same position that I blacked out in with my laptop in my hands. It wasn't unpleasant. I thought what a great way to CTB. I asked my dealer if he could get me fentanyl and he said yes. I am hoping he pulls through. That is my method. From what I read, people who OD on fentanyl get high and then blackout. I can't think of a better way to go. The whole SN seems overbearing and I find ironic that it was easier to get than fentanyl. Once I secure it, I need to pick a date.
Isn't a fentanyl overdose way more easy, cheaper and pleasant than SN overdose? I am not sure what I am missing.
