cylus46
Student
- Jan 28, 2025
- 110
*TW to anyone who has had a ED or is currently struggling with one.*
Lately ever since my half passed attempt at "improving" my life failed and since I got my appendix removed via surgery i have been bed rotting more these past 3 weeks. I lost my ability to go to the gym and that was the only thing I did that could be considered "productive", I do work a good job but I dont really care or feel any sort of way about it aside misery.
And I got rejected from the college I applied to (which really i only did as the half assed attempt to do something with my life and maybe feel better about myself) now I really just stay home and talk to ai, play stupid video games and binge YouTube or socials, I can't go back to the gym for another 3 weeks but I dont think I want to anymore. For three weeks now I have been starving myself and staying up all night getting probably 2-3 hours of sleep and I have to say its...peaceful.
Im so tired from the lack of sleep I dont think, I just mindlessly consume content and when I do think it's just downer thoughts but that's the same whether I get 10 hours of sleep or 1. Then at first I couldn't eat because of my surgery but as I'm recovering I really just...don't want to eat...it makes me feel do weak and the pain in my stomach reminds me if the twistedly good feeling from when I self harmed. I dropped 22lbs so far and frankly I dont feel to bad.
I was a decently jacked person but my muscles are starting to deteriorate and I had a little tummy from the bulk but now my abs are visible again. Yesterday I had just a slice of pizza and some water, today I had ramen and cereal. Now why you may ask? I just love the tiredness, the drowsiness, it's almost like a drug numbing effect where my brain can't form much complex thought. I love the aches and pains I deserve it and it's something to focus on other then my thoughts. The mixture of no sleep and not eating is wild.
I don't know where this is taking me but I dont really care. Well see ig. What's yalls experience with this stuff?
Lately ever since my half passed attempt at "improving" my life failed and since I got my appendix removed via surgery i have been bed rotting more these past 3 weeks. I lost my ability to go to the gym and that was the only thing I did that could be considered "productive", I do work a good job but I dont really care or feel any sort of way about it aside misery.
And I got rejected from the college I applied to (which really i only did as the half assed attempt to do something with my life and maybe feel better about myself) now I really just stay home and talk to ai, play stupid video games and binge YouTube or socials, I can't go back to the gym for another 3 weeks but I dont think I want to anymore. For three weeks now I have been starving myself and staying up all night getting probably 2-3 hours of sleep and I have to say its...peaceful.
Im so tired from the lack of sleep I dont think, I just mindlessly consume content and when I do think it's just downer thoughts but that's the same whether I get 10 hours of sleep or 1. Then at first I couldn't eat because of my surgery but as I'm recovering I really just...don't want to eat...it makes me feel do weak and the pain in my stomach reminds me if the twistedly good feeling from when I self harmed. I dropped 22lbs so far and frankly I dont feel to bad.
I was a decently jacked person but my muscles are starting to deteriorate and I had a little tummy from the bulk but now my abs are visible again. Yesterday I had just a slice of pizza and some water, today I had ramen and cereal. Now why you may ask? I just love the tiredness, the drowsiness, it's almost like a drug numbing effect where my brain can't form much complex thought. I love the aches and pains I deserve it and it's something to focus on other then my thoughts. The mixture of no sleep and not eating is wild.
I don't know where this is taking me but I dont really care. Well see ig. What's yalls experience with this stuff?
