instormdrains
tung tung funny haha
- Oct 29, 2025
- 95
5: 14 AM right now and I feel like I am going insane. I used to be psychotic when i was 17 and 18 which was probably caused by me getting only 1-3 hours of sleep every night. I havent been psychotic in ages but I always feel scared of falling back into it. I dont currently have anything keeping me awake If I tried to sleep I could but I really dont want to. I have such a deep hatred for sleeping and I dont even know why. When I was psychotic I was paranoid that if I closed my eyes an evil version of me would come and kill me. closing my eyes still bothers me for other reasons and some sleeping positions bother me. My brother (13 or 14) used to pleasure himself and tell me (7 or 8) to close my eyes while he did it. hed also make me face the wall and watch porn with him idk if that means i was molested or not its kind of a gray area but thats besides the point.
Anyway, staying up all the time really changes your perseption on life. You usually think of the week as a separate days but when you see the sun set and rise you start thinking of the week as one constant flow of time. Like when I eat something at 4 do my calories count for yesterday or today if I dont sleep I feel as if I am stuck in yesterday. My heart has never stopped beating for my entire life and that thought bothers me. I also think more because im up for longer but combining that with my sour attitude when it turns night is a recipe for disaster. Almost all of my attempts come from me sneaking out late at night.
Worst part is I cant even do anything cool at night becuase my dad is on my dick when I try to sneak out hes caught me twice already. I like to climb buildings and go for runs so at least thats very fun. theres a crane and cell tower in the next town over that ill climb when he he becomes less upset at me.
Anyway, staying up all the time really changes your perseption on life. You usually think of the week as a separate days but when you see the sun set and rise you start thinking of the week as one constant flow of time. Like when I eat something at 4 do my calories count for yesterday or today if I dont sleep I feel as if I am stuck in yesterday. My heart has never stopped beating for my entire life and that thought bothers me. I also think more because im up for longer but combining that with my sour attitude when it turns night is a recipe for disaster. Almost all of my attempts come from me sneaking out late at night.
Worst part is I cant even do anything cool at night becuase my dad is on my dick when I try to sneak out hes caught me twice already. I like to climb buildings and go for runs so at least thats very fun. theres a crane and cell tower in the next town over that ill climb when he he becomes less upset at me.
